Phone for 12 Year Old- Rules

[vladimirVsvolodymr]

Childish turning 12, is one of tiny few in their class without a phone and wants one. We're drawing up a dos and don't list.
What are your phone rules for your preteens when they got their first phone, how do you monitor apps etc?
The phone will have internet, WhatsApp and will be linked to our phone.
So please MN, let me know your tips and tricks, we're trying hard to make sure said child is internet safe. Thanks

We have Family Link, phone access turns off after 8pm, no phone in room overnight, WhatsApp but no social media apps etc. Permission to download apps.

DS12 has largely stopped using his phone now for WhatsApp (I know this because I check it and can see the hundreds of unseen/unanswered threads etc., he knows I'll check occasionally and is fine with this.)

What he told me the other day is a large number of boys in year 7 are currently discussing some pretty inappropriate sexual ideas, to the point that he feels he'd rather go to the library than pretend to take part in the chat. This is making him feel left out of social stuff AND at the same time wanting to cut himself off from it. I suspectit's why he tends to leave his phone unused in the kitchen orsitting room these days as it's become of symbol of ruining what used to be fun breaktime playing cricket etc in primary. He's even started asking me to be the liason for sorting out after school hanging out with friends etc again.

What's awful is this is affecting him anyway, BUT isn't down to his phone use but other people's. His school has a reputation for being one of the best in our local area and phone use is banned in his school. Thankfully we've always been an open family when it comes to talking about anything including emotions, difficult ideas etc but I am upset for him and have no idea how to help, and am still really worried for how this pans out. Just desperately trying to make sure he knows we love him and respect him for staying out if it.

Love this as I find it more productive to talk about the dos and dont's with your teen - get them on the same page but also hear them out.

Dos
iphone screen time feature
private social IG & tiktok (although she doesn't enjoy posting/scrolling & talking to people there, which is great for me xD)
educational apps that are safe (e.g. weareluna - found this after searching for a period tracker for dd)
regular talks about social media for media literacy

Don'ts
snapchat (not yet, at least)
of course, no adding/talking strangers
phones at the dinner table

these are what i remember at the top of my head for now!

Have a look at Pinwheel phones. Im planning to go for one of those next year when dd turns 12.

Thanks so much everyone, still getting the hang of parenting a preteen.