9yr old daughter touching herself at school

[freckledlegs]

Hello, I'd love some help or advice.

My 9yr old has often touched herself around the house. She sort of tightens her legs and doesn't even need her hand down there (but does sometimes). She just says it relaxes her. I've had a lot of chats with her about private is private, and only for your bedroom. I've also checked that nobody else has touched her etc.

However now the teacher has said she's been doing it in the classroom. I sat down with her and talked about it again, including a stricter tone too, but the teacher says she's still doing it. I'm really unsure how to combat it. The teacher is going to talk to her, and also I asked if there was a counsellor or equivalent we could talk to to find out if she's stressed at school.

Any advice appreciated.

Could she be autistic? I would have thought that sort of socially inappropriate behaviour would be unusual in an NT child - aren't the other children noticing it and saying something? The other concern of course would be that she has or is being sexually abused, that would be a huge concern for me if that was my child.

It's not just irritation or needing the loo?

I would go for a firm don't do that every time you see her do it. It's probably just become a habit.

Sounds like she's using it to self soothe and regulate. Some children use one of those bumpy rubber seats and it helps.

My autistic niece does this a lot. I think the only thing you can do is keep reminding her not to do it apart from in her bedroom. I wouldn't let her do around the house.

Please be careful of perverts on threads like this. This is the sort of thing that should may be deleted after you've read a few answers.

I agree with other posters who say it's seems to be a soothing measure rather than sexual.

Look into ways to try to replace the behaviour with something else she can do when she is stressed or needs soothing. When you see her doing it remind her not to do that and say do this instead eg stress ball or try to find something that she will like or engage her to break the habit. She probably does it without thinking.

Ask school to do an occuptional therapy referral, and they will help her find alternatives. It's a very common problem.

I'd also get her checked for a urine infection, just in case.

My autistic DD6 does this often and in inappropriate settings. Do you have any concerns of neurodivergence for your DD? DD’s paediatrician has reassured me that it’s common in children with ASD and is used as a soothing activity to promote re-regulation.

Thanks, that's really useful. I hadn't considered autism but that makes sense, that is very much the spirit in which she's doing it.

I'm less worried about SA because I am a sole parent (no dad) and it is just us and her sister in the house.

And worms.