Please tell me it gets better!

[NoNameNoOne]

My dd is 11 and I love her dearly. We still are close and cuddles etc not short on ground. It's the bits in between.
She started secondary school this week. She is causing absolute drama everywhere. She knows EVERYTHING and has to always be right (even when she's not). She is nagging non stop (eg. Walking upstairs carrying washing - "Mum I'm hungry" me "OK hold on til I've put this away", "No Mum I'm hungry now and my tummy hurts" and will repeat on and on solidly until you drop what you are doing to rush immediately to do what she wants. FWIW we have plenty of food she can help herself to - she didn't want to - in the end she wanted microwave porridge - just wanted me to do it for her.
Food at the moment is a major battlefield. Refuses everything offered until we go round and round in a loop back to one of the original suggestions. The loop may take 45 mins to an hour of - what would you like? - I don't know - list what is available - no I don't want any of that - I'm hungry - what would you like? - I dunno....
I've asked her to write a list of meals she would like the following week so I can pre prepare but refuses.
Other dramas are refusing to do her homework when set, citing various different excuses including being too tired, it not being due until Thurs etc. It always has to be on her terms or all hell breaks loose with arguing and crying (her not me) same with everyone in the household (before it's suggested it's me - she's as confrontational and argumentative with everyone).
Suggest to watch a programme together - no that's boring - ok, what would you prefer? I dunno everything is boring - shall we watch ghosts (eg) aaargh you are so annoying- that prigramme is boring - ok, what would you like to watch? I dunno everything is boring....
She wasn't like this a month ago, what do I do? Everyone's tempers are short and frayed from the continual conflict and drama over nothing. I literally am finding myself hiding from and avoiding her at the mo because catch her in wrong mood and you will have your head bitten off.
Help please wise ones! Xxx

That all sounds so family @NoNameNoOne although my DD is through High School now.

How has this week been?

I haven’t been through this as children are younger, so forgive me if this is a thoroughly naive comment, but isn’t it the same as always when they are younger, about holding boundaries despite histrionics? Her emotions are being expressed differently but she still needs contained and is still just pushing boundaries like she always would, but in different ways. So when you offer a few choices of food, sticking to ‘I’ve said what’s available; there’s nothing else to discuss’.

Maybe with homework, she gets the consequences from school now if she doesn’t do it? How would they handle it?

Sounds like she's seeking power and control which is a normal desire but she needs to see the way she is going about it has undesirable consequences, and communicating more constructively makes her and others feel better. If you all avoid challenging her to avoid confrontation, this will get worse - not saying you are doing that, sounds exhausting - but sounds like you need a strategy in your mind in advance for when she does this, to help you stay calm while you hold the line for her.

Thanks for the replies. This week has been again one of ups and downs. A case of the ol' nursery rhyme "when she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrid".
Trying super hard to just keep calm and show no fear lol. Seriously though, everything is a long difficult debate and just doing my best to just get through everyday without confrontation. I'm ignoring the mutters under the breath and eye rolling as I figure you should choose your battles.
School seems to be strict so hopefully that will help too. Phone limitations are also super tight - I cannot see how YouTube is a benefit on an average day in our household.
Homework is done, bag is packed. I need to iron some shirts but otherwise we are ready for a new week.
Hope you guys are well x