How to help resilience in 11 year old DD

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Hi

My daughter is in year 6 and I am thinking of applying for secondary. She is very gentle and sensitive girl and is not one of those to know how to be sassy, does not gossip with girls about other girls but gets very sad when other girls gossip about her.

How to help her build resilience? Is it impossible task

With my quiet, just starting y7, not very girly girl we have what feels like constant chats about ‘can’t change what other people do/say just how you react to it’ and talking about feelings and how things make you feel, how you think others feel (while on a car journey or whatever - no eye contact!).

I think a proportion is sinking in from months/years of repetition.

I've subscribed to the girlbe boxes for my DD, who is also in y6. She loves them, they come through the post monthly and they have a badge, stationery, etc, and a magazine full of positive stuff. I liked the one she got over the summer about change, it actually helped me to feel more confident about starting my new job 😂

I would say, focus on her cultivating “true friends” and knowing what true friendship looks like.

Develop friendships out of schooL

And overall encourage your dd to come up with solutions to problems herself- always listen but don’t race to solve for her. Making sure she faces difficult challenges eg via extra curriculars can help her confidence and sense of self.

Y6 can be quite brutal if your friendship groups is splintering between the “A list” girls who are getting trendy (and sometimes judgmental or embarrassed/contemptuous of their old friends) and the “rest of the pack”. Gentle and sensitive souls will find their own people but may take longer to do so.

On the subject of friendships, We also picked up a new activity which none of her primary school folks were in (football in our case) so we had a head start in y6 on making new friends (and effectively a fresh sheet on how you want to project yourself, away from kids who have known you since you were 3 and already expect you to be ‘the shy one/bossy one/naughty one’ etc). That really boosted her confidence as she knew a year early that she could thrive in a different setting.