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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Social communication issues in 12yo

8 replies

mummarunner · 09/08/2024 22:06

Sorry this is long. My DS (12) struggles to communicate in social situations and I think he needs some support but I don’t know where to go.

He has always been a clever boy, does well at school, his writing has never been an issue. He has a good vocabulary, however he cannot or will not use it socially.

Some examples: At the dinner table when we sit round to talk he barely says a word despite us encouraging him to, preferring to communicate in grunts and mumbles.

He went away with DH on a boys break away last week and when we FaceTimed each other he wasn’t able to tell me about anything they had done.

He struggles to text his friends. His messages are quite nonsensical and sometimes he is using ChatGPT to generate messages. He often doesn’t respond in group chats.

When I get him one to one he talks babble and made up words to me. If he does speak English he is so quiet I am constantly having to ask him to speak up.

Generally he just seems to struggle to express himself. Teachers don’t see an issue although most will describe him as quiet.

The only time he is verbal and at a volume we can all hear is when he is gaming on his PlayStation. This seems to be his happy place, whether playing online with friends or with his sister.

When he does talk to us it is often using an American accent.

I don’t know what to do. It seems to extend beyond just shyness as he genuinely seems to struggle to communicate at times. This isn’t a recent thing either, it’s been noticeable a good couple of years and I feel it’s getting worse. It might be nothing but I don’t want to ignore it and create a bigger issue down the line. He has a small circle of friends but I fear they will lose patience with him if he continues to act “weird” with them. He shuns any opportunity to go out and socialise with his friends (ie kicking a ball around the park) despite us now giving him some independence to do so.

If it’s any relevance he also gets anxious, likes routine, has a tendency to fear the worst and hates loud noises (school discos and fireworks are not his friend).

What do I do? Go to the GP? Explore speech and language therapy options? Do nothing? I’d be so grateful for any advice if anyone has gone through similar. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Trinity69 · 09/08/2024 22:09

See the GP but my first thought would be potential ASD. Sounds like my son.

mummarunner · 09/08/2024 22:34

Trinity69 · 09/08/2024 22:09

See the GP but my first thought would be potential ASD. Sounds like my son.

Oh really? I was just reading about developmental language disorder, I haven’t really considered ASD. Thank you for replying so quickly.

OP posts:
MySocksAreDotty · 09/08/2024 22:42

Yes absolutely I was thinking ASD also.

Beamur · 09/08/2024 22:45

I would say similar.. language issues like these could be autism.

Smartiepants79 · 09/08/2024 22:50

The American accent thing can be a sign of asd. Several of the things you mention would have me querying asd to be honest.
It may not be obviously. My teens are also rubbish on FaceTime unless it’s with their mates!

mummarunner · 09/08/2024 22:51

Oh wow, I hadn’t really considered this at all. I feel terrible now. He doesn’t seem to display any other behaviours of concern. I feel awful that I might have missed something, particularly with waiting lists as they are. Off to the GP we go.

Appreciate your inputs, thank you.

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 09/08/2024 23:10

A lot of that sounds like ASD. Some of it could
be social anxiety, but I don't think the babbling in a made up language fits with anxiety, but Im not a doctor. If he's no longer enjoying activities he used to love depression might be a possibility. Communication and social interactions get more complex as kids grow up, so sometimes a child that appeared to not have issues with these areas starts to struggle due to the increased complexity and misunderstanding things. Sounds like he's trying to use ChatGPT to get around whatever it is he's struggling with. It's not unusual for an Autistic kid who previously could mask well and get by with communication to start struggling at this stage when communication and social interactions gets more complex.

Beamur · 09/08/2024 23:26

Look up gestalt language processing and see if that resonates.

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