My to a lovely 9 year old boy. He’s always had ‘quirks’ - I put this down to his intelligence - exceptional, but not extraordinary - I imagine 1 in a 100 sort of bracket. I have previously read that high intelligence is often paired with high emotions so attributed a lot to this.
After a little reading for an entirely separate reason, I suddenly realised that a number of his ‘quirks’ are ASD traits. Which makes a lot of sense. He is intellectually very smart, but has always been emotionally immature; could read at 3 (and I didn’t really teach him; I taught him the alphabet and the concept of blending sounds. He was then reading. By the end of the same week that we started blending), but would choose baby books until he was probably 6 or so. His interests are slightly young, and have always been so, and he wants to be young; he talks about not being little with a lot of sadness, and is very young in himself. Until quite recently he wanted to be an egg that could talk. All cocooned and cosy. He used to talk about this a lot. Sounds weird, but is very normal coming from him!!! He has fixations on things; he knows a lot about a few topics which he will monologue about without noticing his audience has no interest! He also can’t moderate his volume. At all.
He has one friend who he was obsessed with; we have worked on this being healthier. The friend is also good at boundaries and we are very open about the friend asserting this, and with the parents too.
He sensory soothes a lot. He did lots of ‘odd’ things when he was younger which he has stopped. Now it’s a lot more subtle so I’m only now joining the dots. So he wears feminine clothing - he won’t wear certain things which he thinks are for ‘girls’ (head bands, skirt/dress/certain colours) but he does wear a lot of his sisters clothes which are fluffy or furry, he has grown his hair long so he can suck it, he has started to murmur or groan when watching tv. He wears bed socks during the day come rain or shine. He DETESTS getting wet and or cold. But sometimes will allow it, for example the pool, but usually with rules, like he doesn’t get splashed and his hair stays dry. He is also quite self-centred but in quite an innocent way; he just doesn’t think of others. When told to consider x y or z, he will often be hugely empathetic. It just didn’t occur to him to consider it. This applies to anything and everything really; I have other children so this conversation has been going on for his whole life. He will literally move a sibling so he can sit next to me for example ‘because I want to sit next to me.’ He has learned that this doesn’t go down well, but this doesn’t stop him from doing it every. Single. Time.
And the emotion. Wow. When he’s happy, his whole body is alive with joy. But when he’s sad, it’s tears and the end of the world. He cries most days. About nothing. His ear getting wet in the shower, his hair being washed, something tiny at school which he has saved up to get sad about, you get the picture. He is easily comforted, again like a small child. Cuddles and everything’s resolved. Overall I’d describe him as happy - the sadness are like clouds that pass over the sun; once they’re gone it’s all forgotten. Until next time he’s sad, when he’ll be sad about every past time!
These are just a few of the things. They all create a picture which might sound negative, but actually he is a pretty amazing little kid. His intellect leads him to be so quick at comprehending it’s delightful. He has a particular skill which he is years ahead on, and he has an amazing imagination. His nature is such that he has a very involved world, and he brings you into it.
So whilst it’s occurred to me that he might be neurodivergent, I’m wondering whether it would actually help him to get assessed, as we have parented to his needs anyway, and he finds schoolwork very easy, and he manages his behaviours really well at school. He doesn’t really understand rules, or rather he doesn’t have an understanding of rudeness, but he does have an excellent memory, and when told x is rude, he will then avoid it. He doesn’t generally get in trouble in school, and as he gets upset when anyone gets told off ‘for no reason’ it gives me a good opportunity to explain that actually said kid was being rude/naughty, and he then knows to avoid it.
So, if you have a child like mine (and I fully appreciate that he may not have asd; I’m not a professional, and many of these are neuro-typical traits also) what was it that made you seek a diagnosis?
I don’t want to seek a diagnosis for him for no reason, but at the same time, he’s only 9 now and I don’t want to be in a position where things get really difficult in a few years time and we then need to wait a further few years due to waiting lists. They are 2-3 years around here and we cannot afford private assessment.
Possibly clouding my vision is I have recently realised that I probably have ADD; suspected for a few years in terms of some of the more obvious characteristics but only recently realised what a major impact it had on me for school work, and still does when being given information in certain ways. This understanding was literally a friend telling me about her kids diagnosis from his experience in the classroom - absolutely lightbulb moment for me. I was just seen as bright but lazy, and failed to achieve potential in exams, but did OK so never met any thresholds. I’m very articulate hence it was put down to laziness, and I was pretty lazy too, cos things like listening were too hard. Actually my way was harder, eg I’d rather figure out the maths formula than listen to the teacher explain it! I’m keen he’s not ‘missed’ like me.