My 12 year old really hurt my feelings

[punkyKat]

I need to vent as I'm so f ing hurt and angry

12 year old boy can't do wrong in my husbands eye and our son is treated like a best mate. Son is increasingly rude and hurtful to me and my husband accepts it

I was laughing with my husband about something he didn't know and said omg everyone knows that.
My son then pipes up and says well you have a degree and you have not used it have you Mum.

I bollocked him hoping my husband would agree
Did he fuck- half heartedly told him off I lost it and told him it's unacceptable to allow son to talk to me.
It's not the first and won't be the last. Son then put in tears to which husband says look what you have done you have upset him.

I'm stressed with work, granted I didn't get an amazing job but I got a worthwhile and rewarding full time job.
I love my son so much but right now I feel really hurt

Maybe I'm over reacting

Poor boy. Makes me sad to think of this. Do you often give him a "bollocking" over minor things?

Honestly, you should be ashamed at yourself, going so ballistic you made a 12 year old cry because of that. He was following your lead. You were taking the piss out of your DH, and he then gave you a bit of ribbing. Probably expecting you all to have a bit of a laugh like you were at your DH expense. Would you have thought it acceptable if your DH turned round and bollocked you until you cried? There was nothing remotely offensive in what your DS said. If work stress is making you this angry you really need to take stock and do something about it. It is not fair to take it out on everyone around you

have you apologised

and admitted what a hypocrite you were being

no one said “shitty” job

so why pretend they did by quoting

YOU were taking the piss out of your husband for not knowing something that supposedly everyone knows

OP, if you react like this to your son trying to defend his Dad, you will drive your son away. He will avoid any interaction with you as he gets older.
Having a laugh and making fun of your husband and then getting upset when your son does the same to you is so unfair.
Expecting your husband to leap to your defence is also unfair. It is not feminist to expect your husband to have to deal with discipline because you are upset. You are clearly quite capable of giving as good as you get. A well argued response about the value of a History degree will be much more effective.
If you take offence at any argument your son makes, your relationship will suffer. Think about how harsh posters are on here to any MIL perceived to be manipulative and who gets upset really easily.
You need to apologise and work hard to build a loving, joking relationship so that your son can join a conversation without feeling that he is walking on egg shells with you.

It was most likely a bit of banter that they were laughing at.

Son pipes up with something that most likely is a bit of a sore point with OP and has definitely come out her DH gob.

You are envious of the relationship between DS and DH, and worried that they are a unit that excludes you. When DS said what he did (which was a bit of teasing) it triggered you because it reinforced your fears.

Just go and tell them you are sorry, and tell your son you love him.

@Oldcroneandthreewitches
Youngsters are facing huge increases in student debt. I work at a small university. So many traditional subjects have been dropped due to lack of demand. This includes traditional subjects such as English, History and Geography and Philosophy. They do not lead to an obvious job at the end. Students are opting instead for Law, Business Studies, Accountancy etc.
There is much debate amongst young people about the value of traditional subjects. A twelve year old would be very aware of this debate and no doubt discussed it in class particularly if GCSE options are coming up.
It is really patronising to a young person to suggest that it has come out of their Dad's 'gob'. English A Level has dropped out of the top ten A Levels a few years back.
It sounds as if you are discouraging intelligent debate about university courses amongst young people and deciding that it must be his Dad's view. In reality it is the opinion adopted by the great majority of young people these days.

The issue isn't whether you've used your degree or not, or whether it's 'right' to be upset by one comment which other people (perhaps in a happier or more secure situation - or perhaps just different to you!) might treat as banter.

It sounds as though you feel increasingly disrespected and unsupported by your husband, and that his behaviour is influencing your son's attitude to you. I don't think you need to apologise to either of them. I think that you need to try & make it clear to them WHY you disliked the way they spoke to you and why you don't want this to continue.

I must say I'd be much more offended by someone saying 'Everyone knows that!' If clearly I, or your DH, doesn't. That would really sting for me, even tho said in jest. Your son's comment wouldn't bother me at all, tho I don't really use my degree either, but wouldn't have my job without it. Anyway, perhaps this wasn't a good example of what you're trying to demonstrate.

Like a pp, I can't imagine thinking 'Are you going to let him speak like that?' as I would simply be dealing with/responding to it and I don't thinknof the man as being the one to put in limits around these things but I see in the moment you wanted your husband's support.

I'd have a chat with dsnand explained you're stressed and felt hurt and maybe redo what you wanted to say to him about what he said.

I think it is really patronising not to allow twelve year olds to discuss the potential value of a degree.
top ten most popular courses in the UK
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it seems really silly to imply that mothers must never be disrespected even though their fathers are fair game on MN

Yea this. Kids that age say stupid stuff, especially when trying to join in with banter. Then can get upset when realise they missed the mark and get told off. Sounds like an over reaction to me

“most likely a bit of a banter”

according to the OP

and why couldn’t the tween be joining in on a “bit of banter”

I agree with most of the posters OP. You were making fun of your husband but when your son came to his defence by saying what he did you go upset. I am not sure why that was a sire point for.you but I think you should apologise and make up with both of them.