12yo girl moods

[wildlingtribe]

Mood swings, rages, school anxiety/refusal, oppositional, defiance, spiralling anger.

There are many factors to this but I was wondering your tips with remaining calm when they literally won't stop. And how to keep your own emotions at bay, plus not having a breakdown.

I am pushed to my edge at the moment. I have no support, I solo parent 4 while dealing with toxic separation.

No periods yet but definitely signs of puberty.

When your the trusted parent it's lovely but also extremely draining as I am the emotional and verbal punching bag for them, they don't let it out to anyone else and all I get from their father is "it's all your fault"

My 12 year old had the weekend from hell then started her period on the Monday. Luckily it was half term so she has some space to get the hang of it.

It's been almost a year but I still remember that weekend she was like the demon child from hell and then she was lovely and worried and needed mummy cuddles.

Now once every month or so (not regular yet) she's crazy, but we are learning to deal with it together.

It's a tricky road but never be afraid to say I'm sorry I shouted or I'm sorry I was cross. It happens but the resolution is important. She is not a psycho rage monkey to piss you off, it's just major out of control hormones and misdirected rage.

DD was like this for the year before she hit her period. She was genuinely awful. Then she'd burst into tears because she didn't know what she was angry about. She calmed down as soon as she got her period. She was only 10y 10m.

I'm guessing periods are on the horizon.

There's a lot going on with family but the outbursts seem random for timing sometimes.

Today's was another one where it spiralled because she felt screen time shouldn't be a thing. And she demanded her phone. (Today was no different to any other day for screen limit/ bed time) but she felt an injustice for some reason.

It escalated. She was up in my face, grabbing, mocking, pushing, pulled my hair. Wouldn't leave the room. Incessantly trying to grab the phone. Then taking my phone that was on the side.

Her younger siblings were upset, worried and hated it.

It's a tough one to know how much (say if we looked on a pie chart) how much is hormones, development, personal circumstances, individual personality and development, life, trauma, worries, school etc.

All I know is that being a huge empath - I just feel like I'm getting it all wrong at times even in the moments when I am calm and modelling good behaviour.

This in a way is a tough part of solo parenting - no one for support or have to talk to.

Then I showed her something which made her stop. Kind of a physical analogy.

I got a lemon -& repeatedly squashed i, poked it. Squeezed it. She saw the juice gradually coming out. And I said when you keep poking, prodding. Eventually it causes change - that isn't necessarily good. The lemon doesn't look that great now does it, it's effected by the constant poking and prodding. She understood. I said the thing is when these situations escalate.. it starts off like the lemon. Then it ends up like the lemon is now, it's drained of what once was already okay

Sounds completely silly but she really benefits from visual talk at times.

She then took herself off to her room. Quietly (which she has refused prior) I continued gathering washing in, my youngest was quite upset and thought I got hurt so I reassured her. We did laundry and then my daughter apologised and said I understand if you don't accept it right away. I just get so mad sometimes and don't know how to cope.

She's gone to bed fine now and said she understands and can we talk tomorrow.