Question about puberty in boys

[consideringachange]

My oldest son is 11y4m and the smallest in his class so I thought we had a way to go before puberty, but I noticed when he was changing the other day that his genitals have changed a lot recently and he confided in me that he's started having about three erections a day, which he's embarrassed about and not sure how to manage. Of course he initiates this conversation the day after my husband left for 9 days. I made reassuring noises and we looked at a book about puberty together but it seems quite early to me. Is it on the early side? And does anyone know if wet dreams start quickly after this phase, or not necessarily? I did check that he knows about them so he won't be taken by surprise if it happens, but honestly I vaguely thought that the random erections/wet dreams stage was more like 14 than 11. Any advice from more experienced mothers of boys much appreciated! I have three boys, but he's the oldest.

[walkerscrispsarethenuts]

I'd never be looking at my son's genitals at that age, especially close enough to know they have changed!

[MissConductUS]

11 is perfectly normal. The age range is 9 to 14. He will likely start having nocturnal episodes soon.

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/understanding-puberty.html

[niadainud]

I seem to remember there's a Judy Bloom YA novel that covers all this stuff including the emotional side. Might be helpful as an alternative/addition to non-fiction books?

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

Of course your child started confiding in you about his erections!

[niadainud]

@Bigearringsbigsmile

Of course your child started confiding in you about his erections!

Doesn't seem that extraordinary to me. He's 11, not 21.

[titchy]

And he'll have been having erections since birth.

[BaronessBomburst]

Just to remind other posters not to share information about their own children as we do get perverts on here!

But assuming the OP is genuine, everything so far sounds normal. Some children do confide in their mothers, noticing a change in genitals (whilst passing a towel etc) is not the same as actively looking, and I'm no expert on wet dreams.

[NCfor24]

I'm shocked with other posters' shock.
I have 2 preteen boys and I know what both of their bodies look like.
One has started asking questions, very openly, and I answer honestly, factually and in an age appropriate way.
I think not being open and honest with children is the kind of environment that leads to them keeping stuff from you, making incorrect assumptions and can result in unplanned teenage pregnancy.
Open and honest dialogue is a must in my opinion.

[consideringachange]

Thanks all who replied constructively, I am not a troll! He is still a little boy in lots of ways and often has a bath with his youngest brother, which was the context in this case. I wasn't "inspecting" anything, the changes are very obvious. I have always tried to speak openly and matter of factly about these things. I think the fact that he confided in me sort of demonstrates my point about feeling it's quite early -- I'm sure we won't be having conversations like that when he's 14.

If the thread is inappropriate then mumsnet should feel free to delete it of course.

[titchy]

An 11 year old happy sharing a bath, with mum in the room. Really?

[BaronessBomburst]

It's not inappropriate, it's what Mumsnet is for. But on the other hand we have to be careful not to provide material for undesirables.

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

An 11 year old sharing a bath with a younger brother?
If this is real it is completely inappropriate. Ffs. Allow the child to grow up and give him some privacy.
If it's real. 😒

[Arghgerroffyabastard]

Stop troll hunting, people. If you have concerns about the thread then report it, but have a thought for how your accusations will feel to the worried parent asking a question.

Your boys don’t confide in you. Mine doesn’t confide in me, either, but I wish he did. I also have friends whose boys are really open. They’re the lucky ones.

[ditalini]

It's earlier than some, later than others on the "normal" scale. A doctor would just reassure after the age of 9.

I can't remember when ds1 started wanting privacy - possibly around this age. Ds2 is still completely unselfconscious re: nakedness around family aged 10.

[consideringachange]

Well I'm surprised this is so controversial. DS is modest around others but relaxed with immediate family and still enjoys mucking around in the bath with his youngest brother, who's not yet 2. I thought this was pretty normal for 11. I'm glad he felt able to ask me and I feel better informed now so thanks to those who replied straightforwardly.

[HanHoggy]

I’m shocked and saddened by this post. I think this is completely normal and reasonable thing for an 11 year old and 2 year old to bath together. My youngest DD 10 often shares a bath with my niece who’s 5 and nephew who’s 7 if they are staying over after a play date. Especially on holidays in the summer. Some of the best childhood memories I have with my kids is bath time together.

@consideringachange sorry about the general population.

[Marblessolveeverything]

Generally from a child protection point of view no an 11 year old naked with a toddler wouldn't be great.

My sons were given and expected privacy from around six or so. It isn't typical for a lad that age to be naked around younger children and may not be great if the toddler mentions it somewhat.

I appreciate others see no harm, but really for his own sake you are not really helping him with appropriate boundaries.

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

@HanHoggy

I’m shocked and saddened by this post. I think this is completely normal and reasonable thing for an 11 year old and 2 year old to bath together. My youngest DD 10 often shares a bath with my niece who’s 5 and nephew who’s 7 if they are staying over after a play date. Especially on holidays in the summer. Some of the best childhood memories I have with my kids is bath time together.

@consideringachange sorry about the general population.

Your 10 year old daughter bathes with your 7 year old nephew? This is so inappropriate!!!

[rzb]

@consideringachange I can't help with your question, sorry, but I think it's great that your 11 year old feels able to and does confide in you, and understands that what's acceptable is dependent on context - being modest with others but relaxed at home. I assume he also understands that, e.g., having a bath with an unrelated 2 year old would be a different situation from having a bath with his toddler sibling. It's a shame that some posters have chosen to seize somewhat negatively upon a couple of comments about your family's choices.

[FasterthanaButteredOtter]

@Marblessolveeverything

Generally from a child protection point of view no an 11 year old naked with a toddler wouldn't be great.

My sons were given and expected privacy from around six or so. It isn't typical for a lad that age to be naked around younger children and may not be great if the toddler mentions it somewhat.

I appreciate others see no harm, but really for his own sake you are not really helping him with appropriate boundaries.

I agree, 11 is really beyond the boundaries of acceptable for this type of thing (bathing with a toddler) and you should be encouraging him to play clothed from outside the bath rather than in.

[Mischance]

@Marblessolveeverything

Generally from a child protection point of view no an 11 year old naked with a toddler wouldn't be great.

My sons were given and expected privacy from around six or so. It isn't typical for a lad that age to be naked around younger children and may not be great if the toddler mentions it somewhat.

I appreciate others see no harm, but really for his own sake you are not really helping him with appropriate boundaries.

Heavens! ... what an extraordinary idea ... this is within their own family! I see no problem. My GC love "getting naked" in the summer and leaping in paddling pools. There is a balance to be struck between children knowing appropriate boundaries and being loaded with body guilt.
Suggesting that this boy should not be in the bath with his toddler brother is way OTT.

[Marblessolveeverything]

@Mischance the boy is in puberty having erections etc. Running around naked with toddlers isn't ideal.

I certainly would not want to be the parent dealing with professionals when the toddler starts talking about games with his naked family members. That will trigger a disclosure to social services, yes they may seem it fine but do you really want children and family to go through that?

Also that 11 year old is very likely to feel very different about it looking back. Child protection guidelines are there for the child's emotional, mental and physical wellbeing.

I am surprised anyone would allow preteens and toddlers naked outside unless you are in a very isolated area that 11 year old could unintentionally be viewed by a young girl and cause distress.

[WoolyMammoth55]

Hi OP, my husband is Scandinavian and very happy to be naked in front of family, in his mid-40s.

When we go visit his family everyone piles in the sauna (and cold shower afterwards) together - kids, adults, grandparents! There is no body shame nor expectation that nudity is sexual or weird.

It's a super healthy environment and I'm glad our kids are leaning that way rather than "no one should see your naked body after the age of 6" like some on this thread!

I have no advice about puberty (mine are younger) but I think what you're doing sounds great - open communication, reassurance, support. Long may it continue.

[Hollyhead]

Sounds normal, mine is a bit older and is definitely going through some changes, starting wanting a bit more privacy recently but still invites me in to chat to him in the bath/shower etc but we’re a fairly ‘naked’ family as we only have one bathroom so often have to pop in for a wee when someone else is in the shower etc.

[Mumto3Princes]

Hi OP,

My oldest son is 10 and still bathes with his 5 year old brother. We did go through a period of bathing them separately but they prefer to bath together so we have no problem with it. I obviously see him naked during the evenings they have their baths and I have never felt it odd. He is completely comfortable being naked around me, his brother and his dad.

We are a very close family and he will come to me quite freely if he has any concerns about his body or questions around puberty and how he’s changing. He’s also asked me to have a look at his genitals about 6 months ago as he said he felt a lump and it hurt him at times, and it wouldn’t have even occurred to me not to do it.

Nothing in your thread strikes me as strange OP, even if some others are a little shocked or horrified.

I cannot answer your question OP as I haven’t been in that situation, but I just wanted to reassure you that your relationship with your son isn’t inapprorpriate just in case other posters were making you question yourself 💐