Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Is it bad I can't wait for DD to finish primary school?

11 replies

Elfie23 · 04/12/2023 17:27

So she can have a fresh start!

Just need a rant somewhere - sick of bitchy little girls causing unnecessary drama and trying to be queen bee's! Urgh!
Have attempted to speak to one mum a few times in the past but 'E doesn't remember this, or E said she didn't know about it' when she's the bloody ringleader! Got her parents round her little finger.

DD could really do with a 'bestie' but just seems a bit lost, also does herself no favours as she seems to gravitate towards the ones who her nasty to her rather than hang out with the girls who are nice 🙈
DD isn't Miss Over Confident, generally a nice kid who tries to get along with everyone (as far as I know. She's not an angel but I don't think she tells people to shut up and ho away either)

Whyyyyy are 9 year old girls like this?
DD is in year 5 currently but it's been this sort of hierarchy since year 3

Now I sound like a bitchy 9 year old but needed to get that off my chest!

OP posts:
marmitegirl01 · 04/12/2023 17:42

Yr 5/6 prime time for friendships to change and have issues. Be ready for yr 8&10 also. Tends to settle down a bit then.

marmitegirl01 · 04/12/2023 17:43

Try not to get too involved. But also if it's happening at school talk to teachers to sort rather than parents as it just makes it worse.

AmazingDayz · 04/12/2023 17:44

We’ve found secondary school far worse

Stormie23 · 04/12/2023 17:45

I really feel for your daughter as your post reminded me of my school days. Kids even in primary can be nasty!
I would get her joining outside social groups for friends

MintJulia · 04/12/2023 17:52

No, not at all.

My ds was bored silly in Yr 6. He became angry, frustrated and resentful of school and it was all I could do to keep him going.

It had been a good school in yrs R-5 but year 6 was just rehashing old stuff to help weaker pupils through SATs.

It was a massive relief to move on. Some dcs outgrow their schools early. His senior school is much better.

toomuchfaster · 04/12/2023 18:17

I feel you!! We had another upset at home time about promises to play being broken and why does no-one want to play with me? DD is also yr5 and does loads of out-of-school activities but all with the same bloody girls!!!

Beansandcheesearegood · 04/12/2023 18:32

Op I could gave written this! My dd year 5 just turned 10 is the same, wish she had a bestie and does keep gravitating towards the bitchy girls!

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2023 18:37

I think it's the type of kid to be honest. I have twins. Dd has always chosen few friends and not the popular girls. Never had even one issue (now Y10). Her brother on the other hand loves to be in the cool bunch and has had no end of 'drama'. It's calming down now (apparently... we'll see) but for most of Y9 his best friend ignored him and he was on the fringes. Secondary is a bigger pool but all the same dynamics are there.

So, I would use this time to try and develop friendships with some of the nicer girls. You can explain why, what a friend should behave like, what his friends do/ are and hope something goes in. You can but try - but in the end it's your DDs choices. If my DS makes 'bad' friendship choices or perhaps enjoys the drama that comes with it, then that's his choice too.

Original poster
Elfie23 · 05/12/2023 06:40

marmitegirl01 · 04/12/2023 17:42

Yr 5/6 prime time for friendships to change and have issues. Be ready for yr 8&10 also. Tends to settle down a bit then.

It's only a 1 class per year school, so they've all been together since age 4/5. The wider groups have pretty much stayed the same but the 'besties' have switched a bit. DD used to be ringleaders bestie although it was very one sided in terms of effort / friendliness, DD got ditched after a while.

I'd love things to change a bit, interesting what you say about year 8 and 10 as I remember my friendship groups changing a fair bit in those years and that was in the early 2000s!

OP posts:
Original poster
Elfie23 · 05/12/2023 06:44

marmitegirl01 · 04/12/2023 17:43

Try not to get too involved. But also if it's happening at school talk to teachers to sort rather than parents as it just makes it worse.

I'm trying to just support rather than wade in so haven't said anything to the teachers (yet) and just watching from the sidelines kinda thing. DD doesn't want me to talk to the teacher so I won't unless it gets really unacceptable.

The mum I spoke to was a while back now, possibly year 4 or maybe 3?
She is the mum who always rung if DD and E had fallen out to get them to 'make up' I cottoned on that this was actually E trying to convince DD she was in the wrong so made sure I listened to the conversations and made E's mum listen in too so she could hear what was going on. Funnily enough after that time E didn't bother ringing again after a spat...

OP posts:
Original poster
Elfie23 · 05/12/2023 06:44

Stormie23 · 04/12/2023 17:45

I really feel for your daughter as your post reminded me of my school days. Kids even in primary can be nasty!
I would get her joining outside social groups for friends

She does a couple of clubs and has other friends there thank goodness. I think maybe because they're not all together all day every week it's easier to get along?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page