Smart phones for kids?

[LMonkey]

Not sure I'm posting in the correct section, but just wanted to get your thoughts on smart phones for kids; if you let yours have one, if you regret it and how to manage them to ensure safety and well-being. My DS will be turning 11 in December and (obviously) wants a smart phone as all his friends do. I don't particularly want him to have one because of all the stuff that comes along with it; I worry (as all parents do) that it just opens up a whole new world where they're going to be so vulnerable. Also that i wont be able to get him off the darn thing. BUT all his friends do have one and have for some time, and I have seen this for myself. He will be starting secondary school next September so I can see how him having a phone could also be a positive, especially as he'll be walking to school and back and I'm sure will start being out and about more without us. I'm in two minds about whether to let him have one for his birthday, or to wait at least til next summer and let him have one just before he starts secondary school. What do you think?

Hi, I'm in a similar position; daughter has just turned 11. I'm jumping onto this thread as am interested to read responses and also am seeking some advice on dumb phones. My thinking at the moment is that I am very much against her having a smart phone - I think there was a good reason Steve Jobs didn't let his kids have them; but I recognise she needs something. Inclined to go down the dumb phone route. Could anyone recommend a dumb phone (so with no, or very little, internet connectivity) that looks a bit like a smartphone? She basically accepts our position but is worried about the 'look'.

Ahh yes, well I did suggest this to my son and he told me he'd rather not bother if it wasn't a smart phone! I think he eventually wants to make some YouTube videos so taking away that option renders it pointless to him. Interested in people's thoughts though, as I do think think a dumb phone would be a good transitional step.

Bunp

I'd be so grateful for your opinions

Does your son go out on his own eg to the shops or to school?

My son is 17 but when he was year 6, he took a phone to school and handed it in to the teacher. She looked after it during the day and handed it back at home time.

My eldest got one in P6 (age 10). Just a cheap reconditioned one one. I monitored it quite heavily until he was about 13. He got a better phone when he started high school.

Youngest got hers earlier P4 (age 8) due to the first lockdown to let her stay in touch with friends. She's 11 now and still on a reconditioned cheapie. Will get a better phone for high school next year. I do t monitor her quite as much as she's far more sensible.

My children both had them in year 5, aged 10, when they started walking home from school themselves.

We've never had any issues but they’ve never been obsessed with their phones or wanted to put themselves on YouTube or anything similar. Obviously they use YouTube and one has tiktok etc but they’re not really overly interested.

Most kids do have a smartphone here from year 7 so he would be ‘different’ if he didn’t have one. I think most people give their children one, talk lots about all the issues that can arise and tell them they may check it etc.

They’re living in a world where they’re going to be exposed to stuff if not on their own phone then a friends. Smart phones are part of life, my feeling is that its better to give them one and learn to be responsible with it than not. And like everything, if you make it a forbidden thing, it just becomes more appealing.

We are getting DD one for Xmas. A reconditioned old iPhone same as the rest of the family! It’s so she can go places alone and be in contact. She starts high school next year but isn’t 11 til right before school starts and I didn’t want all the newness and responsibilities to hit at once.
we have a set of rules which started with DSS who is now 16 - no social media. WhatsApp for individual conversations no groups unless moderates by an adult eg for their sports, phone can be checked by parents at any point, left downstairs at night (which I also do anyway) and if you start getting anti social about phone use it gets taken away.

My kid has had my old one since just before the end of primary school. Kid goes to a school different from all primary friends and mostly wanted it to keep in touch.

YouTube and WhatsApp are installed, but no other social media is allowed. We have put time limits on, and we have to approve all app installs. It's worked fairly well; we can track kid's movements, it's used for bus tickets and also some homework is logged and done online.

I've made it clear that kid cannot expect privacy, and the phone is regularly checked. WhatsApp can be setup to be viewed in a web browser on a PC, which we've done.

Ds2 will be getting his first phone when he turns 11 in January. Just as his brother did. It will just be a payg til he starts secondary then we'll bump him up to a contract. He'll be on the family link and his Internet will be as restricted as his tablet is until he's ready for more.

He'll be allowed WhatsApp with heavy restrictions on who he can be in a group with.

Once at home he will park the phone unless actively talking with friends or family on it. It will live downstairs in the kitchen.

My son got one when he started secondary and my daughter is getting one for her birthday this year (she is year 6). I was against smart phone for kids for all the same reasons as you and still am but all their friends have them and you will also probably find once in high school a lot of homework is online and timetables are on apps as well.

I use the Google family link to monitor mine. You can lock the phones down as much as possible. I've not allowed any social media except WhatsApp and I maintain the right to check their phones and messages whenever I like. Phones aren't allowed in bedrooms at night.

You can set it to get alerts when they download anything or so that they have to get your permission to download things. You can also set it so you have to manually give permission for any websites they want to access.

I also have my son share his location with me in Google maps and vice versa which is useful.

Black view phones all the way or a refurbished/ 2nd hand phone.
Set up Google family link

@winter42 thanks that's really helpful, I was wondering how I would monitor these things as I'm really not very techy 😁
I think I've come round to the idea of letting him have a cheap reconditioned phone, and having all the restrictions mentioned on this thread. I have told him that whenever he gets a phone he will have no privacy. I know it will end up causing arguments just like everything else does; ipad, homework, pretty much everything! 😂

My eldest is 14 (my others 12, 10 and 7) mix of boys and girls - none of them have smart phones and show no sign of wanting/needing them. The eldest 2 have dumb phones (nokia flips) as we live quite remotely and they need them for safety to be able to contact us if the school bus fails or there is a problem whilst out but i can see nothing good from a smart phone for a child. At school they anyway have to lock their phones in a pouch thing that only teachers can unlock at home time.. at home they can access the internet for homework etc.. and leisure if wanted although homework is prioritised and there is only one laptop ! :) but we are not luddites or anti tech - its just smart phones cause addiction and anxiety in kids and stop them living in reality- spending hours of wasted time on the phone usually alone or isolated from their family in their room - they dont need to carry that outside world burden with them all the time. Im glad i didnt have to as a kid. We also have no video/computer games in the house and noone misses them. My kids read a lot, are predicted grade 9 in all their gcses so aren't missing out academically, they actually see friends in real life - go biking with them, chat to them face to face, they are shy but popular kids, have absolutely zero hang-ups about appearance or fashion which friends seem to appreciate, Id say they are 'cool' kids :) - they have full lives and crucially have never been bullied about it - kids ask but they just tell them they dont feel they need one yet.. they can text friends or call them.. But we never have any worries about screen time or cyber bullying or what they might 'see' - no nagging about putting your phone away for dinner - just not an issue. We have so much time together as a family because noone is hunched over a phone in the corner. Usually other kids are interested in their 'retro' phones. One friend has even got rid of their own smart phone after realising how much time they waste on it and got a flip instead - kids are savvy about it if allowed to be. Be brave enough to discuss with your kids whether they actually need a smart phone, do they need access to the internet 24/7? Give them the confidence not to bow to peer pressure - they might surprise you when they know the pitfulls and be happy to 'wait and see' - thats how we have done it and my nearly 15 year old son still says he doesnt feel like he needs one yet... he wouldnt want to give up time on his many other interests to scroll through tiktok videos or endlessly snapchat pictures of himself as a dog.... I have no judgement for parents that do give kids phones - just think everyone should know there is another way!

My DC just turned 11, Year 6. Some friends/classmates have smartphones, so she obviously wants one. We are adamant about holding out until secondary school in Sept. Would love to hold out longer but i know by then "everyone" has them 😫😫😫

all of mine have the same rule: before their eleventh birthday they can come into town and pick out their own reasonably-priced smartphone as their main birthday present.

phones are left in a little holder on the side of their nightstand and put on the "downtime" setting.

i don't go through their phones but i've taught them all what is and isn't okay to post, and why. there's no such thing as "secrets" in our house, i trust my kids to be sensible online and they trust me not to invade their privacy.

my 5yo and two 8yos don't have their own devices. we have a playstation in the living room that each person can play games on. it's quite a good idea as it allows the kids to actually socialise and interact with each other instead of zoning out in front of a youtube video. we also have just dance so it gets the kids moving and is also fun for my teenagers. i also have a look at the youtube history on the telly every now and again to make sure my kids haven't been watching anything they're not supposed to. i don't do this on phones because by eleven kids generally have an idea of what they should and shouldn't watch, my older kids phones have a mild content filter on them anyway (it only blocks porn websites, gory websites and such)