Nagging

[onemoresmartie]

I am sick of hearing myself moan and get at my 12 year old son.
His table manners are atrocious all of a sudden ramming big fork fulls in his mouth to a point he's choking. I tell him to eat properly and he shrugs his shoulders at me.
He is incapable of showering or bathing properly, he's using huge amounts of shampoo/shower gel. I buy a big bottle for the whole family and it's almost gone in a week....there's 5 of us.
The school mornings are painful I have to remind him constantly to wash his face brush his hair put deodorant on.

He's jumped on the sofa and ripped the back of it....ruined my bathroom by chucking shower gel all over the ceiling and I can't get the staining off

When does it bloody click!

I feel like I'm constantly on his case and it is causing arguments with me and my husband as he's equally annoyed by it

It's all getting on top of me and I broke down today driving home from work after having a conversation with my husband about it all. It's just relentless and nothing changes.

Any advice please how to get through to him

Oh, onemoresmartie, I don't have any sensible advice but I'm totally in sympathy! The thing about making a mess, or burning through stuff, or beaking things gets to me too.

I'm trying to work on the basis of picking my battles and trying not to sweat the smaller stuff.

Interesting that you used the word "nagging". I don't know if you've seen the book often recommended on MN called "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk", but it makes a point about the fact that nobody likes being lectured at, so if you find yourself going on and on about something (however justified you are) chances are your DC will have stopped listening. So one strategy is to just use a single word. E.g. instead of lecturing for 5 minutes about the fact DS never has a shower when he's told, just call up to him "DS! Shower!"

Is he the eldest? If not could you get one of the older ones to explain how reply uncool it is to smell at High School? Most 12 yo seem to walk around in a fog of Lynx. If he's not clean he will stand out and not in a good way.