Advice on dealing with my 10 yo daughter

[Tantastic12]

My daughter is turning 10 in a few weeks and I'm at my wits end with her behaviour over the last year.

Half the time she is a brilliant girl, smart, kind and so helpful with chores etc. The other half she is verbally abusing her younger brother (18 months difference) saying she hates him/he's ruined her life/worst brother in the world etc. The sound of him breathing irritates her, she complains when he is playing a game - the sound of him pressing buttons annoys her, playing with his ball or a yoyo for example. When he's eating his dinner just chewing normally she will storm off from table or start a fight with him. We would be watching a film together and she will start to get irritated over nothing! Will then sit with a blanket up round her head so she can't see him or cover her ears.

I honestly don't know what to do. It is so frustrating and causing so many arguments between us. She is punished by having devices or TV time removed, not allowed to hang out with friends after school or sleepovers but it doesn't work. I'm losing my temper so quickly and as soon as she starts I just see red.

Is this normal behaviour for her age taking into account her new hormones or is she just being a brat? I would love some help and advice on how to deal with this. Thank you..

It is quite normal and you probably need to chill out a bit. She’s probably about to hit puberty and while some girls handle it really well some can become incredibly hot headed and aggressive. She’ll grow up and through the negative feelings faster if you don’t antagonise here. Let her eat elsewhere if she wants, don’t ground her for minimal stuff and simply ask her to treat everyone in the house with kindness and respect. The goal is a peaceful life as these kids go through their teen years and that may well mean that they have absolutely nothing to do with each other, they’ve every right to be that way. As adults the siblings are normally close but my brothers and sisters and I wouldn’t even acknowledge each other I’d we passed in the street or school corridor. Because like your daughter, as teens and tweens we felt the siblings are the most annoying and uncool losers on the planet .

That's great advice thank you very much. Will definitely try and relax a bit!