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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

No one tells you how hard this is

11 replies

MissJJ19 · 12/09/2023 09:20

So my daughter started secondary school last week, she was very worried about walking to school so I eased her in by walking with her the first day then slowly let her walk from certain points. This weekend we took her to get some keys cut for the house and she decided to walk alone this is the second day of her walking independently and I'm finding it really hard. I keep thinking something awful is going to happen. Does this get easier? Am I doing the right thing letting her walk alone in the world we live in today? The walk is less than 10mins away from our house but I just can't help but worry

OP posts:

BirdiePlantaganet · 12/09/2023 09:24

Of course you’re doing the right thing. She’s old enough to walk to school, and lucky you that it’s so close.

Pascha · 12/09/2023 09:25

Ds had to take the bus from day one last year when he started secondary school. I was also very nervous like you but he did lots of practice bus journeys in the summer with his mate which helped his confidence.

For my own peace of mind his phone is tracked and it alerts when he either arrives at school or home. Give the length of his journey I'm happier knowing roughly where he is and he's happy knowing even if the bus gets stuck somewhere on a country road we can find him.

By Christmas you will be much more relaxed about the whole thing.

Pascha · 12/09/2023 09:26

Forgot to say that year 7 is the right time to be allowing her independence and there are ways to manage it from your end without interfering.

Spinet · 12/09/2023 09:26

You are doing the right thing. Presumably if you are ten mins away from school there are loads of kids about at the same time?

I do understand the anxiety and I suggest you plan to be doing something very absorbing for the hour around the end of school until at least 15 mins after you expect her back.

Original poster

MissJJ19 · 12/09/2023 22:45

Spinet · 12/09/2023 09:26

You are doing the right thing. Presumably if you are ten mins away from school there are loads of kids about at the same time?

I do understand the anxiety and I suggest you plan to be doing something very absorbing for the hour around the end of school until at least 15 mins after you expect her back.

Thank you, its just so hard. She's my first and only child I'm going to have. I just never thought I'd feel guilty about the fact she has to go to school without me taking her.

OP posts:

Original poster

MissJJ19 · 12/09/2023 22:47

Pascha · 12/09/2023 09:26

Forgot to say that year 7 is the right time to be allowing her independence and there are ways to manage it from your end without interfering.

Edited

Thank you, independance is so important to me, I grew up with a mom who practically made me feel like leaving her side was a dangerous thing to do and I want the opposite for my daughter, its just crazy how you go from taking them and picking them up every day to suddenly cutting the cord and letting them go by themselves

OP posts:

Original poster

MissJJ19 · 12/09/2023 22:48

BirdiePlantaganet · 12/09/2023 09:24

Of course you’re doing the right thing. She’s old enough to walk to school, and lucky you that it’s so close.

Yes it is lucky I read a post the other day where someone said their child walked for half an hour to get to school x

OP posts:

CornishTiger · 12/09/2023 22:52

It’s hard isn’t it! My daughter has a long walk to a huge hill. She has health issues that makes that walk impossible for her at the moment. I’m picking her up from places to build up to the full walk. I need to get her working as soon I’ll be unable to collect her as work changing.

She’s struggling with all the changes. I’m struggling with the extra demands on time. We are all on edge. Plus she forgot her phone today!

Its a transition for the parents too.

orangina01 · 18/09/2023 17:08

My child has had to go from a 5 min walk with us to a 30 min walk across town with friends. I was petrified but you'd be surprised how quickly they adjust and how well they cope. We agreed when the weather is lashing down rain, I'll go to pick up in the car, and to be honest I love when it rains. But we all have to let them go at some point because if we want well adjusted teens we have to give them a little independence. I'm not loving it either but my child seems totally fine and we talk daily about school, the walk etc so they know they can come to me if something is going wrong. Good luck, it'll be okay!

Ihaveawonderfulpartner · 18/09/2023 17:14

I was the same. Took my boy to and from junior school then our circumstances changed and we moved out of area temporarily. This meant my son had to catch a train alone miles to his new high school. Due to having had a baby I was only able to accompany him the first couple of days and to say I was petrified for him is an understatement. He thrived and his independence and confidence soared after the worry abated.

felisha54 · 18/09/2023 18:06

Now is the right time. My dd just started secondary and has a 12 minute walk to train station, 5 minutes on train then a bus journey. I walk with her in the morning to station just to combine it with a dog walk. She has so impressed me with how she's coped.

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