How common are compulsions in preteen girls?

[ElfinsMum]

My DD12 has always been an anxious soul. Currently, she is struggling with settling into secondary so she has been anxious for basically a whole year now.

I have been a bit uncomfortable with her attitude to cleaning her room for a while now. Too much not too little (I know, I know, sounds like a dream but really not). But clearly v much about fear of loss of control. This weekend for the first time she was unable to complete homework because she was too busy cleaning, I actually had to physically stop her from hoovering it again as soon as she had just finished. In the end she completed urgent homework due today in another room at ten o'clock last night (Sunday).

I'll be honest, the compulsive cleaning freaked me out. I emailed the school psych this morning basically saying help. But now my friend is saying compulsions like this are actually really normal in this age group and actually I do remember my cousin had this for a while with her room, v similar.

So is this at least fairly mainstream? Or should I continue pushing for more support and/or referral??

Yes. When its starting to affect other areas of her life - thats when she needs to seek help.

If it's affecting her schoolwork and she's not able to relax I'd say that she needs support.

We're having similar issues with DD9, though her compulsion is washing her hands all the time. It comes and goes and for a while she'll be fine and then all of a sudden she starts up again. She's gone through a whole bottle of hand wash in the last 6 days, and 4 of those were school days, but can't articulate what is bothering her.

We spoke to her school about it in the spring and she's been flagged with the pastoral team so has regular chats with them about how she is feeling, and over the summer we found a child therapist for her to talk to. She's had half a dozen sessions so far and while no "cause" has been uncovered yet (and from what the therapist said there is rarely one thing that triggers these behaviours) she has identified general anxiety/confidence issues.

It is so hard, sometimes I just want to give her a shake and say "What are you doing?!" and I admit that I've lost my temper and raised my voice on more than one occasion when she's washing her hands for the third time in 10 minutes and we're trying to get out of the house.

My DD (16) has suffered on and off since she was 7. Her compulsion is hand washing but can also sometimes include cleaning. She is also an anxious soul. She's seen a couple of therapists but the best thing we've found was reading through some books on the subject together and doing the exercises. Now she acknowledges when she's in the grip of it and knows it's anxiety which helps her control it a bit. I'm also a very anxious person and remember my own teen years as I had compulsions myself (intrusive thoughts and routines). I didn't know what it was and hid it from my parents and I eventually grew out of it (though I'm still anxious!) I think reassuring DD it's a fairly common coping mechanism helped.

That's helpful to hear @tootiredtobeinspired, thank you.

You are right to be concerned. What you've described is worrying.

Please keep on trying to get help for her.

Thanks @CaveMum it is reassuring to hear that your older daughter now recognises when she is suffering a compulsion. Hopefully we will get to where you are in a few years.

DD chatted to the school psych and things have improved for now in terms of cleaning. But she has been experiencing headaches and dizziness instead. Sigh.

And Yes Yes to the anxiety itself being hereditary. Of course. I bite my nails, migraine, lockjaw 😁