Miss my kids who don’t want to hang out with me anymore…

[TiredMumOrMidlifeCrisis]

I often find myself feeling blue at the end of the summer holidays… Part of me long for the routine of school runs and activities to resume and part of me mourn the summer that passed too quickly. I struggle with the feeling of discontent and my children’s lack of engagement and/or enthusiasm for spending any time with me… I’m around and would love to take them out on any activity or day out, but there is no drive and any suggestion is met with resistance and push back.

My DS, 12, will spend every minute on his devices gaming or staring at YouTube. Even with time limits on place, his brain is constantly in the game and it’s his main(only) topic of conversation.

My DD, 10, spends almost all of her free time in her room reading. And don’t get me wrong, I love it that she reads! It does however keep her very separate from us and our engagement during any given day is minimal.

is this it? I feel like I’ve lost them already at the age of 10 and 12… and it makes me so sad… They are lovely kids and do so well at school and have loads of friends, they will help out with things around the house when asked, but will vanish as soon as it is done…
I think I just miss them… I miss having them around and talking my ear off… And it’s not like they are old enough for me to go of and do my own thing for the day as they still need supervision and meals etc… So I feel trapped in my lovely house by my little ones who don’t want to hang out with me and just feeling a bit sad for myself…

Not sure what I’m hoping to achieve with this post, some sympathy perhaps and feeling less alone…

We can swap 😣 mine are similar ages and don't leave my side kinda wondering when they will give me some space

Mine are a little bit older but v similar children!

What we've done is had family TV shows we watch together. We did all of Stranger Things last year, I've done Buffy with the oldest, now we're on Only Murders ... just an episode.every day or so.

Plus book talk with my bookworm! Could you read one of the books either to her or as a "buddy" read?

Yes, can we!? I feel like I have to force mine to hang out with me… 😭

Yes, the reading with her is a good idea! Like a book club! 🩷 Not sure I can keep up though, as she reads a book a day and I don’t have 10h to read every day! 🙈 But still a lovely idea, thank you!

i do try to game with my son as well, some of them I find bearable, but the current one just looks insanely boring and is not a multi player game anyway.

would just love to connect with them a bit more…

I like the TV series idea too, we do so that most evenings, but there isn’t a lot of interaction during that hour. But we do talk about it after at breakfast and analyse it all! 🩷

Perhaps I also need to put on a more positive pair of glasses at times too and realise that perhaps it’s not as bleak as my head is making it out to be…

I have a book series with my younger one that we make time to read every night, even just a chapter or two. Then we'd be discussing whodunnit or what we think might happen next.

This stage is hard though x

My lotall went through the too cool to spend time with Mum .They have all come out the other end and actually enjoy my company 😅

Now is the time to focus on yourself. Teens need you less and less (unless disaster strikes) so build your own life, interests and friendships! They definitely won’t choose to hang out with you if you are needy about it.

My son is 19. And can be chatty at times. But I would do anything to have him back to the age of about seven. Just for a day. I realised a few years ago that I missed him.

Keeping my fingers crossed that they will! How did you get through it though? Just did your own thing or did you keep trying to engage with them?

@KevinDeBrioche You are so right with the being needy thing, and I’m being bloody way to needy! 🙈 I do have plenty of things If like to do, but also feel trapped here as they aren’t quite old enough for me to leave for any length of time… 😵‍💫

@Bananas1350 Of course you miss him! 🩷 This will be me too! Who knew that parenting was going to be so hard… 😭

Mine are the opposite. They're 10,13,17 all girls.
Not to blow my own trumpet but they say I'm a fun mum and we have lots of conversation, go to theme parks and go shopping together etc.
maybe you need to come up with some exciting days out that encourage them.
Having said that they're still only young so really it's up to you how the days go, if you don't want to stay in but you can't leave them at home then they HAVE to come out surely?

Yep, you are right that I need to drag them out of the house if I want to. And I do! And they generally enjoy most things when we get there, theme parks, bikes, etc. But it does take most of my energy to get out the front door with them complaining and dragging their feet. Guess this is what they are supposed to do at this age, but would be nice if they were slightly up for doing something every once in a while.
they complain if I suggest we go and get an ice cream. “Can we just have one from the freezer instead?” Going to the movies: (of course to see something they are interested in). “No, don’t want to”… go to London for the day. “Wanna stay at home”
can’t exactly take them to Thorpe Park every day… 🙈 I do plenty of play dates and have their friends over and it’s the only time they seam alive whilst in the house… 😵‍💫 Guess I can watch them be happy from a distance!

It’s tough. Mine prefers talking to friends and actually goes to her room more often, which I am not used to. She is 12 and I often feel like I have lots of spare time of my hands which I guess is quite nice as there is always something to do, but it definitely feels lonier.

I dedicate weekends to going out. Even if it’s just for a walk or a local exhibition and sometimes there are workshops nearby or community fairs - I usually bring out my inner child and it makes her do the same too. Every now and then we have lunch or dinner at a restaurant. As someone said before we watch a tv show together and have a debate about it.

Quality time looks and feels different now and sometimes I feel like I’m gagging out with an older teen even though she’s just 12.

I’m at the same stage as you OP. It is sad but inevitable.
I’ve been reading diaries I wrote as a child - I wrote hundreds. Up to the age of 12 I wrote a lot about my DM - did she love me? Things she said/did. Outings with her I was looking forward to. She was on every page.
After the age of about 15 - zip! She vanished completely from my thoughts and witterings - unless she was interfering with my plans or being annoying by not letting me do something. My focus was entirely on friends, school, boys, my life plans.
In my twenties I remember wanting to chat to her again and share things with her…

If I drag 13yo DS out with me, even just to the shop up the road, he will put his earbuds in and walk two paces behind me at all times, so as to eliminate all risk of having to talk to me. 🙁 feel your pain OP

Im so sorry for all your pain, I feel it… Was not quite ready to loose them this early, but try to appreciate every tiny little glimmer of connection I get with them now. And fingers crossed they will sort of come back eventually as PP have described! 🤞🏼🩷

I could have written your post exactly! Mine are also lovely, also 10 & 12, (Y6 & 8) also very independent and also very keen on their friends and their rooms!

I've been slightly bereft and at a loose end the last few weeks over it. They're lovely when I do see them, but I suppose its just another transition phase and we'll all get used to it - I just didn't expect it so soon!

Omg yes to this post, I feel lost without them needing constant attention and company. My DS came down and watched an episode of Death in Paradise tonight, and it was lovely! It's so rare. My DD is younger, and she hangs out a bit more cos I do her nails and let her do my hair, and she still puts on dance shows, bless her. I love hanging out with them, but sadly, tech will win right now. I am always happy them to spend time with their friends. But yeah, parenthood is tough with all the phases. This is another one, I suppose.

I genuinely cannot remember but think I just left them to it but obviously engaging and being there for the teenage dramas …fair to say Mum was actually quite good at dealing with the dramas. I did give a lot of space and recognised they were going through a ‘stage’ . Never took their tricky behaviour personally and did fun things with my own friends. Have now got the adult children who are lovely and appreciative.

Thank you @Amwondering69 ! Am realising from this thread that I’m being way too needy! Looking forward to putting a bit of focus on myself going forward, whilst very much still being available of course! Am just so out of practice after over a decade of hardly having a moment for myself! 😂🙈 And it is an inevitable stage, I do know that!

@TiredMumOrMidlifeCrisis I don't have this problem yet as my DD is only 1, but I just wanted to say I think I was a little like this as a teen and now I can't get enough of spending time with my mum! My favourite days are spent with her! Just wanted to reassure you that they'll come back!

Thank you @fedupofbeingbroke! That really helps!

You will prob hit this stage yourself in about a decade! Enjoy your little one now when they are tiny and want to be in your pocket all day long! ❤️