Y7 WhatsApp bullying

[Raisinsandweetabix]

What are your experiences please? My 11 year old just going into y7 has had frequent issues with girls being mean, eg 'you're copying so and so's nails' when she posted a picture today. And just general nastiness towards other kids. Is it essential that they have it in y7? What are your experiences please?

I think you'd be doing your dd a massive favour by keeping her away from social media inc Whatsapp for a long as you can. Those group chat hold so much potential for mean children to gang up on others.

They shouldn't be on WhatsApp at that age

Did you know that she's actually too young to have a WhatsApp account? The minimum age is 16, or even for other regions it's 13.

https://faq.whatsapp.com/695318248185629/?helpref=uf_share

Delete the apps. You are opening her up for trouble.

DD about to go into y8. I allowed WhatsApp from beginning of y7 and there was unpleasantness to begin with - both towards DD and other girls. But it was in the bigger class/ year group chats from girls DD wasn't really friends with.

So I said I don't want you in any big group chats and it's been fine since then. She messages people individually, I check it from time to time and all good.

The reality is though that 99% of y7 have it. It can be really useful in some circumstances - they often check school stuff with each other, how to do something, when it's due in etc etc.

Well of course it’s not ‘essential’. If it’s sound more harm than good then get her off it.
Technically they’re not old enough for it anyway.
BUT it is, in my experience, one of the main ways they communicate with each other. Until Snapchat kicks in. Which is worse.
My brain struggles with them having access to this stuff but my heart worries about them being socially isolated.
We sort of had a compromise. She was allowed to use it but we took her out of the very large chat groups - year 7 group etc. That’s where the problems are as they are sending stuff to loads of people that they don’t actually really know.
She had chat groups with friends only. Actual people who would spend time with her in real life. It seemed to work.
Shes also not the kind of child who really bothered about comments and drama from people who she didn’t even know.

They put an age restriction on it for a reason. Just because 99% of parents are stupid enough to let their kids have access doesn't mean OP has to join them

If it is like DS's school, you can take the messages to school and it will be dealt with like any other bullying, even if it isn't happening in school.
The best thing you can teach your DD is to ignore and block the perpetrators.

Not essential. My eldest is going into year 8. We agreed around Xmas that she could have access to WhatsApp but only 1 group that we know the people in it (joint parenting decision from me and my ex husband). I check her phone randomly and frequently.

The reason being GDPR. Is that what you're concerned about?

Does the school have a social media policy? Ours does, it doesn't matter when/where the social media use is, they are pretty hot on it.

I work in a school and our y5/6 staff spend so much time dealing with problems caused by WhatsApp and chats when playing online games. Parents come in and expect the school to sort it, without thinking that maybe they could prevent problems by not letting them use these things in the first place.

@Gilmorehill this was what I thought tbh, and I went to the school as a last resort when I was desperate. The home link was shocked I had left it so long and was very much "of course we can deal with it if its pupils bullying another".

No. I would be concerned about unwanted contact, disappearing messages, inappropriate content and cyber bullying.

Plus from my youngest DSC's experience I know there is often loads of pressure to respond to messages and it can interfere with their day.

Which is all completely valid, but that's not the reason whatsapp has an age restriction like you said.

There is no reason for her to be in chat groups with people she doesn't like who are horrible to her.

Exit the group, block the girls.

DD doesn't have WhatsApp yet. I'm putting it off for as long as possible. She also has a PAYG SIM and we plan to look again at Christmas. Any problems with bullying messages etc then it'll be getting binned and she'll get a new number. My niece and nephew are a couple of years older and I'm trying to learn from my brother's mistakes 😁

I agree with @doroda - let her have WhatsApp but use it to message people individually or join small groups. The massive year groups are toxic IME.

My DD is just going into Y8. She is fairly open with me as they go. Most of the kids have Whatsapp and/ or Snapchat. Whatsapp is the main way in which they communicate outside of school (phones have to be switched off during school day).

Most of the bullying reported by DD still seems to occur in the school playground, in person. There was a bit towards her at the start of Y7, but now DD has a gang of friends and a reputation for a quick wit. The bullies quickly moved onto softer targets. Falling out over nail varnish designs is a very Y7 girl thing to do, but it will happen regardless of being on Whatsapp or not. Whatsapp just helps it carry on after school.

DD has not actually experienced bullying on Whatsapp, Snapchat or other apps. This is mostly because she only connects with good friends on there (less easy if the friends are the problem though). Her security settings are also set very high. She can't be added to groups or video calls without giving her consent (if you don't have that setting on, then anyone can add you to anything on Whatsapp). She knows to refuse calls/ messages straight away if she doesn't know and like the person. She doesn't have a photo or identifying information on her account profile, so it is hard for someone who doesn't already know her number to find her account in the first place. We taught her how to block people on her phone on all apps.

However, if your daughter's friends are the main problem.. then deleting the apps is probably a good step. She can then live in peace at home whilst making out to problem friends that the reason they can't find her is because you are a super strict meanie.

The watsapp groups are vile, even at that age. I would say what you have experienced is fairly small fry.

The one good thing about having a completely unsociable child who has no interest in phone or WhatsApp is that she isn't a part of it, although she is added to the year group one so I check it every now and then as the phone spends more time in my possession than daughter's at the minute.

Some awful stuff on there... Just vile. Lots of "message deleted" stuff too which I just dread to think...