Has anyone's 'horrible tween' gone on to become a 'horrible person' or do they all really pop out ok the other side?

[ovulationleavesmetired]

Dealing with a 12 year old 'horrible tween' for the last year and I keep telling myself 'this too shall pass' but does it always?

Has anyone found their child has remained surly, sullen, difficult and emanating rage towards them throughout the teen / young adult stage?

Also looking for positive stories about how long this stage does last...when will I get my happy girl back? 😅

I have an 11 year old boy who has been like this from the moment puberty hit! So you have my sympathies. I’m not sure if starting high school will improve things or make them worse…

My daughter was just like you describe at 12. It's so hard but it gets better eventually.
She's 30 now & a mum herself & she's lovely & we have great relationship. I used to doubt we would during her teenage years. 💐

I find this ‘this too will pass’ attitude baffling. She’s your kid. It’s not inevitable that they become dicks. Get to know the young adult she is becoming and grow with her.

My preteen is like a light switch. Moods change so quick.
Lost my sweet girl so yes likewise hoping she comes out herself again

My brother was a PITA between about 9-14, but was lovely after that. But sometimes they just start being ornery pre-teens and stay that way until later teens, kind of luck of the draw really.

It's a mix at times

One way or other, horrible tween & teen does not necessarily = awful person, most do come out of the fog of teenage terrible judgement and narcissism!

I found the early teen / pre teen years the worse. DS1 exploded regularly with loads of shouting, stamping and slamming doors. DS2 was a risk taker and got mixed up with the wrong crowd. DS3 is stroppy and argumentative and lost his enthusiasm for most things except gaming.

However they are also lovely caring boys. They give out hugs regularly (except autistic DS1!) and on the whole have come through it.

Yes, took about 5 years.

I struggled to like my tween so empathy from me. 10 years later she is a gorgeous young adult, kind, sunny and thoughtful. It took a few years before I could even see glimpses of the adult she would become.

This is reassuring - my 12 year old can be genuinely unpleasant to be around and like OP I worry it’s her, not her age. But they have so much going on at that age, hormones are so powerful & I think it’s difficult to be a young person in this day & age. I try to remember all that when she’s being vile 😂

I'm back...Gosh these comments are very reassuring!
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a toxic relationship with my own child (said mostly in jest)
She withdraws and won't speak to me or even make eye contact (hair over her face) and then a switch will flip and I get a few minutes of nice behaviour which has me bowing and scraping for more, 'breadcrumbing' I think it's called in toxic relationships.
A very appropriate term as I feel like these little crumbs of affection keep me on the hook!

Again, said mainly in jest. I know she's a product of her hormones at the moment. It's nice to hear others have been there and their child has popped out the other side ok.

My son was a nightmare pre-teen and teen but is a totally chilled young adult now. He became much better around age 18.

I'm a teacher. You're describing basically every year 8 kid ever, and yes, the vast majority turn out normal and nice!

Some are even apologetic for how awful they were

This thread is extremely reassuring. Currently going through this with DD who is 11. I was a terror myself at that age so I know it's hormones etc. However, DD insists she needs to see a therapist to deal with her feelings. We are in the US so this seems to be a fairly normal state of affairs but it's completely alien to me. I am willing to do this but I am worried that her perfectly normal behavior is going to be labelled and medicalised as a "problem". Has anyone been in this situation?

Mine was horrible (to me only really) and seemed to hate me from about 10-11.5, now she's 13 she's a completely different child and apart from the odd teenage moodiness, things are much, much better. It felt a long road at the time, essentially she hates me for breathing it felt like, but we're in a completely different place now. Hang in there!

Of course it isn't, but the effects of hormones are extreme, unpredictable and well-documented. It's perfectly ok to be confused and hurt by the attitude and behaviour of a pre-teen or teen. Their moods.fluctuate massively and they are neuronal wired to behave in ways that can feel confusing to parents as they find their way in the world. When you're in the thick of it, it is encouraging to know others have been there and come out of the other side with a positive relationship in tact. The OP has come for just that, and I'm sure she is working hard on her relationship. It's just nice to have some backroom solidarity sometimes.