DS12 struggling

[User0919]

Im not the best at putting things into words so please bear with me.
DS has always been quite anxious and quiet so much so he comes across as extremely rude. Struggles to make eye contact outside close family and doesn’t enjoy new social situations.

Over the past few months his nature has changed in terms of how he is with me. It feels like he hates me. Nothing I say is right and he is twisting my words and using them against me at any opportunity. He used to be so caring and kind and at times I do see this still but he literally changes in the blink of an eye.

He is going to high school after summer and this has been an issue for months now with worry and stress. He is dreading it and many nights have been taken over with him worrying himself to the point of panic attacks. He has never slept well and struggles to fall over without someone beside him. It’s got to point now (I know isn’t good for him) where I tell him to put something on tv till he nods over. I have 2 young DC and I am up constantly and I just couldn’t do it anymore. He seems to get worse at night and that’s when he is probably the worst with me. If I’m not with him in person or I’m lying in bed he uses his phone to msg me telling me how terrible I am and how all I do is make him angry etc etc.

I guess what I’m wondering is is this normal for this age n is it just hormone changes. I’m struggling with how much he’s changed in a matter of months and I’m beating myself up every night.

Has he has any help for this?

Are you in Scotland? (You mention highschool). In England there is the Healthy Family Team - linked to GP surgeries snd schools. They offer low level mental health support to children. There may also be local charities offering similar, or mentoring.

I'd suggest speaking to school to get a referral. But since you're between schools, speak to your GP.

MH struggles are not unusual in this sgd group. No need to suffer in silence tho, there is help if you ask for it.

I’m not sure if this will help but an older woman who now has 3 adult children advised me that the best remedy for these years is to approach situations with a little humour.

My dd11 has changed so much and is a sensitive soul and sometimes we have moments where I just don’t get her and she has moments of social anxiety. But I try to carve out time and to ask her questions and I take myself back to being her age and going through school and we share experiences. I don’t know if it’s more relevant as this is mother and daughter but maybe having that time to chat one on one over food or something that brings him back to when you felt closer?

they are going through so much and often are trying to get to grips with changes. Also does he have a hobby or extracurricular thing he enjoys?