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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Soft toys and 13 yr old son

26 replies

DennyDoll · 24/07/2023 14:08

Ive kept quiet with this to him but a bit concerned about my 13 year old son. He’s an only child and still likes to collect tons of soft toys and cuddles his little cuddly dog. He also only likes to wear football kits all the time. My dh seems to think it’s ok for him to not grow up too fast but I'm concerned to be honest and when I mention it to him he doesn’t seem to care . He’s a massive football fan too but other kids his age seem to wear joggers and t shirts etc. he’s also developed a bad tick so am worried something is going on with him. How old is too old for soft toys and full kits ? What do you think ?

OP posts:
NoNewUserHere · 24/07/2023 14:15

I think the two are different.

I have a 13 year old ds and football kits are still very much a feature. The latest status-symbol, horrendously expensive kit from the favourite club was still a main request on ds's last birthday and Xmas and it was the same for a number of his friends.

Soft toys are a lot more unusual for a 13 year old boy ime. I know that both my teenage ds's (13 and 15) still have their main treasured soft toy from younger years but they're on a shelf - and they make a concerted effort to hide them if they have anyone over.

Original poster
DennyDoll · 24/07/2023 14:20

Yeah, the toys are the main worry for me .. he seems to never want to let anything go and collects everything so god knows if he’ll ever decide to get rid of them .. he also literally wears kits all the time.. like obsessed with them

OP posts:
trevthecat · 24/07/2023 14:23

I don't think the toys is that unusual. My 13 Yr old still has quite a few and so do friends kids. You are over thinking it

justtype · 24/07/2023 14:54

My 13&14 year old still love their soft toys. Some in their bed, others on shelves.

I was the same.

Fireandflames666 · 26/07/2023 10:25

Me and all my friends as teenagers had soft toys and many still do. Leave the lad alone and let him enjoy his interests.

wendyjoy · 26/07/2023 10:33

Sounds like ASD..l have four Grandsons of various ages from 18 to 8 and all ASD.
ASD is a very wide scope. But I'm living it and l honestly think he's on the spectrum.

strongcupofTea · 26/07/2023 11:01

wendyjoy · 26/07/2023 10:33

Sounds like ASD..l have four Grandsons of various ages from 18 to 8 and all ASD.
ASD is a very wide scope. But I'm living it and l honestly think he's on the spectrum.

Really...

strongcupofTea · 26/07/2023 11:03

My husband still buys football shirts and still has his teddy from when he was little and he has a tic due to his adhd. He's 36, very 'normal' and runs a successful business.
We all have quirks, we all grow up and learn to hide them. I wouldn't over think it.

Sirzy · 26/07/2023 11:04

wendyjoy · 26/07/2023 10:33

Sounds like ASD..l have four Grandsons of various ages from 18 to 8 and all ASD.
ASD is a very wide scope. But I'm living it and l honestly think he's on the spectrum.

Because he likes football and teddies? Bit of leap!

Sirzy · 26/07/2023 11:05

Op I wouldn’t worry about either too much if he is happy that’s what is important.

focus your attention on getting support if needed for the tics

DyslexicPoster · 26/07/2023 11:07

My 15 year old going into year 11 still loves his dog. It comes on holiday with us and until about a year ago, days out ( in a bag descretly) he twiddle its ear. He has sensory issues so it's massive source of comfort. He is very bright and worldly but very untouched really by age constraints. He however has dyspraxia so he isn't like other boys his age. I think it's lovely. He sees the world very clearly, he has had friends around him sectioned, expelled, self harm etc and he sees it and fully understands but he remains quite happy and pragmatic person.

My eldest son is depressed and cynical of life. Just different people. The toy lover still knows all the bad things of this world fully

2023issucky · 26/07/2023 11:08

My year 11 students still bring cuddly toys away on school trips. He will be fine. If he doesn't care, let him be him. Stop trying to get him to conform. His confident enough to be himself for now, it's a great trait to have growing into a teen

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 26/07/2023 11:10

wendyjoy · 26/07/2023 10:33

Sounds like ASD..l have four Grandsons of various ages from 18 to 8 and all ASD.
ASD is a very wide scope. But I'm living it and l honestly think he's on the spectrum.

🙄

I knew someone would say that.

My 17yo dd still has teddies, i think it's fine. I've still got a few teddies from childhood and I'm 44 😂

MockneyReject · 26/07/2023 11:13

My 13y old still has around 50 soft toys. Some in his bed, some he has put in mine in case I'm lonely. But most are in his room, and he won't hear of getting rid of them. He also still has his 'baby' but hasn't actually changed it's nappies and outfits for a few years, now.
I'm not worried. (Except, maybe, about the space they take up).
He wears football strips, amongst other things.
My 30 year old son's partner sent me a photo, the other day, of him cuddling a (toy) bunny in his sleep. Still not worried.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 26/07/2023 11:34

I have a 20yo and ab 18yo.
Both still sleep with cuddly toys in their beds.
The 20yo only when he is back home from Uni
The 18yo has many of them scattered around in his bed (and cupboard).

Its fine. Seriously, it’s not an issue.

The football is totally ok too. I wouldnt worry.

The tick would make me think stress.

None of them in isolation are an issue.

BUT I can see why one poster mentioned ASD.
My 20yo is NT, the 18yo has ASD.
Id say it very much depends on what’s going on around the behaviour you describe. The rigidity, the intense focus (dc1 has had a few soft toys, dc2 has been collecting them for years) : how is he? And more importantly, how he is behaving around other people.

Chlora · 26/07/2023 11:35

I'm not worried about my 14 year old's jellycat obsession but I do know he's autistic.

Of course any interest in soft toys is not diagnostic! But I would think the set of 13 year olds who are obsessive about soft toys, own dozens of them and take each one very seriously, and are very limited and particular about their clothes, would contain way more autistic kids than the general population. Dismissing any thoughts of autism is as ridiculous as armchair diagnosis.

OP I would have a read around screening tests online etc. Look for other clues of sensory differences that kids can't always articulate - food fussiness especially if it's a texture issue, trouble with coats, labels, seams, sensitivity or insensitivity to heat or cold. Some interest in soft toys I would say is completely mainstream at this age - I was a boarder and we ALL had them - but the question is whether there is a different quality to it here.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 26/07/2023 11:40

@Chlora

but the question is whether there is a different quality to it here.

Thats a very good way to put it.
The quality of the interest is completely different between dc1 and dc1, even though both were still VERY attached to their cuddly at that age. It’s very hard to describe. Maybe intensity is also a good word.

@DennyDoll , tbh unless you are worried about ND, and even if you are worried about ND, I’d let him enjoy his football kit and his soft toys.
If you are worried about it, then look at the online stuff. Take an appointment with a specialist if that rings true.
But they are nearly two issues. Regardless of whether there is some ND, I’d leave him enjoy all of that Wo a second thought.

Mabelface · 26/07/2023 11:42

He could be neurodivergent, as you've mentioned he's started having tics. Otherwise, it's not completely outside "normal" behaviour for his age.

usernamebore · 26/07/2023 21:30

My 12 year old DS has about 30 jellycat bunnies and sleeps with most of them piled around him in bed. I am not worried. I feel like life is tough enough that if it is comforting to have them, who the hell cares. It is certainly annoying when he has to bring the most important ones with us when we go on holiday but, again, it isn’t hurting him or anyone else, so we just let him be him. I wouldn’t worry.

WanderingWitches · 26/07/2023 21:32

What's wrong with having teddies?? I'm 43 and I love mine.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 26/07/2023 21:34

Everyone in my house (ages 16-38) sleeps with at least 1 cuddly toy.

cyncope · 26/07/2023 21:50

My NT 13 year old still has several soft toys in his bed!

VariationsonaTheme · 26/07/2023 22:00

My NT 19yo boy (man!) still has teddies in his room, with no intention of removing them.

whowhatwerewhy · 27/07/2023 17:04

My 19 yr old still has soft toys , and goes out to pubs / clubs in his football shirts .

JazbayGrapes · 03/08/2023 12:19

Yeah, the toys are the main worry for me

Are you serious? You'd rather he vapes or watches porn?

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