DD (12) having days off school feeling queasy, period about to start

[Lovelygreenhills]

My DD 12 (nearly 13) has had a couple of days off school recently due to feeling queasy and tummy ache when she wakes up, including today. She hasn't been sick despite saying she felt it. Although I sympathise, this could go on for months, and she may feel this every month when she gets her periods, and she cannot miss that much school. Help me strike a balance between being kind and also firm enough that she limits her absences from school. I made the point that I still have to go to work if I have period symptoms. Thanks.

Painkiller for the aches, and a "school will send you home if you vomit, off you go"

when my dd feels like that I do let her stay off. I don’t think she’ll learn anything if she’s feeling horrid. Quite often she’ll have some paracetamol go back to sleep for a couple of hours and then go in at break time if it’s passed. She’s 13 now and her period started at 11. The number of times she feels I’ll enough to stay home is very definitely getting less now. I remember feeling so horrid and sick at school right before my period that I couldn’t concentrate. Had the sweats. Cramps. It was awful. I don’t suffer like that now.

Why can’t she miss one day a month? Do you think she will learn anything if she is nauseous and in pain? I think the only thing she’d learn is that her pain doesn’t matter. So odd too because many companies are introducing period leave for women, so why are we giving girls a different message?

It can be really awful for some teenagers, i think people under estimated the pain i was experiencing until i fainted in the middle of a formal exam, full hit the deck. Threw up when I came around too.

Going on the mini pill made a huge difference, no cycle, no periods, no migraines

Feel sorry for youngsters dealing with painful periods :(

Take her to the GP if it’s really bad and show a lot of sympathy. I’ve often said that if boys and men got periods and everything that goes along with them instead of girls and women they’d be treated a lot differently.

The OP hasn't discussed any pain management though.

Oh man I was this teen. My early periods were awful. I was terrified the birth of my DCs would be as bad as my early periods and it didn't even come close. Awful, feeling clammy, faint, diarrhoea and with very little empathy from my family.

Please take your daughter to the doctor to discuss options as the pill really helped me.

Thank you, some mixed responses here between letting her stay home and sending her in. The thing is that she’s not been feeling bad enough to want painkillers and has been asking for her phone and food by lunchtime. She didn’t get the former as I don’t want her to think that she can miss school and get a nice day at home chillaxing on her phone. She has not seemed really unwell at all, and definitely not bad enough to see a doctor, just a bit queasy. I sometimes feel like this and go to work which distracts me as busy. Guess I’m trying to work out what is a sensible middle ground approach to take.

Some girls and women do struggle, even with medication, and need time off each month. See how she goes, it may settle down or she may in fact need time off.

I mean if she’s rejecting any medication then I’d imagine she isn’t really feeling too bad. Can you have a chat with her? It could be something really silly like she’s nervous about managing her period properly at school. If not then I’d be telling her if she isn’t in pain then she does have to go in. If she is in pain then it’s time to take something for it and (if it continues or is severe) see the GP.

Or medication doesn’t help? Never did for me. Didn’t reduce the pain and upset my stomach.

If she unwell she needs to learn to manage her symptoms- that includes taking painkillers is she is in pain.

I would be sympathetic but also encourage her to continue with everyday life.

If she is too unwell to attend school, she needs to see the gp

When I was a teenagers my periods made me feel horrendously ill, they were painful but the sickness was dreadful. I’d have one day every period where I couldn’t keep food down. I was eventually prescribed the pill and it stopped. In my 20s I stopped the pill and the dreadful symptoms haven’t returned.

The rule in my family as a child/teenager was unless I was actually being sick / was obviously really unwell I went to school and could 'decide at lunch time' how I felt. 9 times out of ten you feel better by lunch time, you're enjoying yourself with your friends etc. Mornings you can often feel grotty because you've just woken up, you're either hungry or you've eaten breakfast too fast etc etc. If you're still feeling awful by lunch time I could call my parents to pick me up and they'd know I'd tried my best.

Sorry if I’ve misread, so your DD hasn’t started her periods?

I think you need to be sympathetic but explain how detrimental taking unnecessary time of school could be, put the blame on the patriarchy! My periods were awful from about 13-20, I'd routinely be in so much pain that I threw up then passed out on the bathroom floor, it frequently coincided with my piano lesson and can't remember any empathy from my family at all, so I've got huge sympathy with any girls going through it

I'm really sorry but how do you know the level of pain coming from a now woman who suffered so bad from age 12 and still does and nothing fixes it. Yes the codeine the Dr's give me helps a tiny bit and the hot water bottles I will sit with for 2 days and the understanding hubby I have. Bane of my life they say for many its worse than labour and after 4 kids I can't help but agree. I have tried to fight it and carry on ended up fainting throwing up many times. Luckily my mam didn't force me to go to school those days. It's so sad your basically saying such it up when it genuinely makes some feel ill very ill.

She is refusing pain meds and perks up mid morning, and the OP hasn't even clarified if she actually has her period so pardon me for being more on the "suck it up" side - there's every possibility she just hates going to school. Maybe that's worth looking into.

Many girls get monthly period pains the 6mos or so before the bleeding part of periods start. OP didn’t say she perks up mid morning but that she is well enough to eat lunch and ask for her phone. Don’t know about you, but distraction with a screen is a valid pain management tool for me.

I don’t necessarily think she should ‘suck it up’ but if she isn’t in pain or feeling very unwell then I do think there needs to be a discussion over whether or not she is too unwell for school. Most people, if they feel very unwell, are willing to at least try appropriate medications. Medications outside of ‘distraction with a screen.’

I've just discovered that ginger is absolutely amazing for my period pains and queasiness. You could see if she wants to try ginger tea or ginger capsules? If she's feeling better by lunchtime can she not just go in for the afternoon?

Just to clarify, she hasn’t started her period yet but I expect that she will do soon from all the signs. She went back to school today absolutely fine. She felt queasy yesterday but that was her only symptom, she wouldn’t get up and out of bed in the morning because she felt queasy but by lunch was watching films and eating well. I would never send her into school if she felt in excruciating pain or was throwing up. However I like the idea of making her go into school if she is just feeling queasy with the option of coming home at lunch if she feels terrible. I suspect she wouldn’t.

Id be wondering if she has a bit of low blood sugar first thing. Give her a couple of biscuits to eat when she wakes up and see if that helps.

I'd send a child who just felt a bit sick into school to give it a go.

I think you are making a completely false link between how she is feeling now, and how she might possibly feel in future when she starts having periods. You need to take a view on whether she's well enough to attend school now, based on her current symptoms, not on the basis that when she starts her periods, at some indeterminate point in the future, she might also feel unwell.

The period issue is a complete red herring, because she doesn't even have them! That's like telling a 40 year old that they can't lie down if they have a headache because they might get headaches when they go through menopause and will just have to lump it then!

Tummy ache and feeling sick could be all kinds of things - actual sick bug? Anxiety? Migraine? Possibly start of periods? But many other possible causes.

Just take a judgement on whether she is well enough to attend school, unrelated to whether she might get similar symptoms connected to periods in years to come.

I have exactly the same issue with my 12 year old DD @Lovelygreenhills
It's tough.