I hate bloody phones

[Raisinsandweetabix]

11 year old DD. Has ADHD and sometimes struggles with wider groups, gets on better one on one. Is in a group but constant under undercurrents of sly-ness and meanness. She will ask if anyone would like to meet at the park on Whattsapp and they will leave her on read or say they will be there but not turn up. She is so sweet and desperate to keep them as friends but it's killing me to see her self esteem slowly eroded. Please just tell me you have similar things in solidarity's?? They can be so vile to each other than nice as pie when they are at your house. Just venting , sorry 😞

It’s group mentality and worst at school. Pick on someone, side with the bullies to avoid being the target. It’s a tough time for kids, especially now there are phones.

Are there opportunities for friendships outside school, in smaller groups or one on one? Maybe based around activities?

I don't have any advice, but I can completely relate to your post, so definitely solidarity from me!

Thank you . She never gives up trying with them. From an adult perspective you can see how mean they are being. It really is a case of safety in numbers ie not wanting to side with the less popular kids. I just hope with all my heart that she meets a better group in secondary, or at least a few people who are less manipulative. She does a lot outside of school, at the stables three times a week where there are other girls. But unfortunately they mostly seem to be 'that type' aswell. Nice one on one but catty behind her back. I'm wondering if she is coming across as immature or desperate? But why should she be treated like dirt when they are the ones in the wrong.

If at all possible, find as many distractions as you can to limit her time on group WhatsApp’s.
So much of teens interaction has become online and group based. It’s just not the same as the sort of face to face contact teens used to have, more usually one on one or smaller groups.

Online messages are so easily misunderstood, group chats can descend into herd mentality and picking on individuals. It’s not a nice way to interact and leads to problems.

I used to think the teen mental health crisis was a bit of a media overreaction. But now I’ve seen first hand with dd how things have changed, I can see why the landscape teens are now navigating is very different.