Out of my depth already with year 7 girls v boys

[Shinyandnew2022]

DD is in year 7 and has got into trouble for an argument with a friend which turned physical.
We are stunned as never imagined anything like this would happen and clearly it is pretty serious in school.
The bit I am struggling with is she says her friend, a boy, hit her first after an argument and pulling her tie etc so she stood her ground and hit back.
Argh ! Part of me thinks well done but we ended up telling her she has to walk away next time or she will be in more and more trouble.
What on Earth is the right thing to teach her - she says if she ran she feels she could be mocked and people would think she is an easy target and she didn't want him to 'win'
I can't believe I am even having to ask this I can't recall any physical violence at my own school and she is normally a lovely smiley typical pre teen who is absolutely loving year 7

What trouble is she in?

Sometimes it's worth getting into trouble. My oldest dd has a huge fear of 'getting in trouble' and it's not necessarily a good thing.

So he hit her and yanked on her tie? Then she defended herself. I’d say congratulations for standing up for yourself and take her out for pizza.

she’s shown she won’t be messed with (an important message to have out in secondary) and she gets now to learn that you support her when she defends herself.

next - sign her up for proper self defence classes and make sure she understands she can only use ‘reasonable force’.

Our rule is, you don’t hit first but you hit back. My son is also y7 and it only took once for the other kids to realise to leave him alone. I’m sorry, but they need to be able to stand up for themselves.

Thanks for the replies this is very reassuring as I was feeling really conflicted about advising her to run away !
We will have another conversation once the school sanctions are confirmed and I have told her we will always help her figure things out it has been a bit of a baptism of fire as we have no experience of anything like this really.

@GladysHeeler this really got me thinking ! I panicked about her getting a reputation for being a trouble maker but maybe the school doesn't see it quite so black and white as that .
I am finding it all hard as I can only draw on mine and DHs experiences many many years ago and neither of us ever got a single detention .

I think she’s done well to stand up to the boy. As much as the school won’t be impressed I think she’s done really well not to run away and cry often that can make this worse but she’s stood her ground and the boy (hopefully) won’t do it again