DD Criticising everything

[Raspberrysins]

My 12 year old DD has become increasingly critical of everyone and everything. I’ve noticed it happens almost all time and not sure how to tackle it or if it’s a normal phase! For example at dinner- telling her sister she’s drinking too loudly, someone else has more potato, how come I cooked it like this etc. when watching tv together it’s - ‘she’s got a weird nose’, or ‘his voice is really annoying’. ‘They look like an idiot’. Constantly finding fault in whatever she sees. It’s getting us all down! She particularly does it with her younger sister if she’s made a mistake - she points it out straight away. I pull her up on it all the time which ends with her storming off and slamming doors but I can’t let her continually be rude about everything. I worry it will affect her sisters self esteem as she is constantly chipping away.

I don’t know where it’s come from as we are not really focussed on looks/ appearances and I have never made a big thing about people on tv. In fact I’m quite the opposite and try to always see the good in people.

Any tips or shared experiences? How to approach it? Just a phase? She’s got this high opinion of herself and is always right of course. She knows everything and everyone else is just idiots 🙈 I’m worried she’s going to end up with no friends.

Does she spend a lot of time online?
I think it can fuel opinionated, self obsessed and competitive behaviour.

Next time she asks to go out suggest she stays in to polish her halo.

@Raspberrysins

It's pretty normal to start with at that age as I gather from not just my dd but also friends dds aswell

I always tend to come back with a positive and it's worked so far.

Examples

Dd -mum your noisy when you drink
Me- feel free to leave the room if you find it annoying however it's perfectly normal

Dd-she's got a funny face
Me-In what way dd? As in disfigured or just not to your liking?
Dd- well I don't know
Me- Everyone's different and no such thing as normal

Sometimes I do reply that I think she needs to keep negative comments to herself as it's not very nice and wouldn't it be nice to be complimentary as opposed to derogatory

Doesn't happen now really but on the odd occasion it does I just give her the look

It's a thing at that age. Ignore it unless they are rude or offensive.

thanks for the replies I appreciate it. She doesn’t really use SM although watches YouTube quite a bit. Mainly videos with people doing weird things such as melting wax 🤷‍♀️ She also doesn’t ever want to go out and doesn’t have any hobbies but that’s another issue! She has friends at school but doesn’t want to see them at weekends. Thanks I will try these responses.

My 11 yo DD is the same I think she thinks she is being cool and teenager-ey. Mixed with hormones.
I sometimes just bat it back at her
“ouch that was harsh/lay off."
Usually just ignore the negative and praise the positive.

Seems like she has no friends to practice with - it’s a bit of a catch-22 as she’s probably so negative nobody wants her around, but she needs that feedback to improve. I suggest you tell her privately and honestly that it’s a problem and probably why she has no friend - and suggest counselling to help her get to the bottom of why she’s so negative. It’s usually due to anxiety.

It’s a developmental phase, not that that makes it much easier to deal with 😂 I can’t remember where I read it but apparently it’s developmental in that they are learning about their independence and realising that their parents/people aren’t necessarily right about everything so they’re trying to make sense of that. It seems very over the top though because they haven’t fine tuned it, my daughter is 13 and I get really frustrated with the insults so have pointed out to her that if I said the things she says to her she would cry! And that she doesn’t have to point out every little thing. Which she seems to take on board. Lots of friends with similarly aged kids have this too, I do sympathise!