9 year old developing anxieties and OCD behaviours

[ILCTM]

So my 9 year old son has gone from a pretty care-free, happy child to now a pretty anxious one, or at least I think it's maybe anxiety. He seems to be over-thinking a lot.

So my son used to just mess around and say he'd "body swapped" with the dog, laugh and then that would be that. This body swap thing I'm assuming is something that's come from school because he came home a couple of months ago saying that this boy in his class had said he was going to body swap with him. So my son came home and said "I know it can't happen, but my friend said he was going to body swap with me. I just need you to tell me that he can't actually do that." So I said of course he can't and just left it at that, but he's doing it a lot now with various different things.

The other week, he'd watched a YouTube video and at the end, I think the person had said don't forget to like the video otherwise you'll get bad luck or something to that effect. So he came to me and said he was really worried because he didn't 'like' this video so will he now get bad luck. I've explained to him that even if he did get back luck after one of these things happens, the bad luck didn't happen because he didn't like that particular video, it would have happened anyway, just as equally if someone said like this video and you'll win £1million, we're not going to win a million and if we did, it's not because of that video.

Now he's doing other things, which seem potentially a bit more OCD? I don't know, but just now I was in the kitchen making their dinner and he was watching a youtube video and he kept replaying the same bit over and over. I asked him what he was doing and he said "Oh, it's just my stupid brain, I have to do it."

At first I just wondered if he was wanting a bit of attention maybe, but now it seems to be developing into something that he's fixating on a bit. His brother called him the dog's name the other day and my son then got really upset saying "Say I'm not the dog. Say I'm not the dog. Mummy, I'm not the dog am I?"

I've spoken to his teacher about this and she said she'll get the pastoral lady to have a chat with him. I don't think this has happened, so I'll chase that up, but any idea on how to handle this? Am I better ignoring or just keep just reassuring him and not making an issue of it?

Hello. Sending support. Your son's worries sound very similar to my daughter's at the same age. Her reactions were extreme at one stage (fixating on the same worry, not being able to sleep, needing lots of reassurance) and I did wonder if it was attention seeking. It wasn't. It was very real to her. We found this book helpful. https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Worry-Much-What/dp/1591473144/ref=ascdff1591473144nodl?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310977284312&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9146653154681369158&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007006&hvtargid=pla-436084988065&psc=1&th=1&psc=1&dplnkId=da7ebf4b-e30f-4180-84f9-75263a8437ff
Her worries settled. She is 22 now and a happy person, though will always be a worrier I think. Your son is talking to you and you are reassuring him. That is brilliant and helps to keep things in perspective. My daughter and I still talk a lot about general worries. A problem shared really is a problem halved. Open communication and letting your son know that he can always talk to you is key. Hope things settle for him too. Try not to worry too much yourself - lots of other parents and their children have been through this too. It's not unusual and you are doing the right things. Hugs.

I'm hoping it's just a phase that he's going through, but it's just when there's a seed that's planted and it grows and gets worse, that's what I'm worried about because I feel like this is something that initially started out a something silly, him not genuinely believing that he could body swap with someone, but now I think it's become something that he knows can't happen but he needs to be reassured. I just don't want that to escalate into him then being convinced this can happen and me not being able to reassure him. Thanks for your reply. I'll take a look at that book.

The worry of escalation is scary, I know, but try not to let it get to you. I'm not qualified to judge whether it's the beginning of OCD, but it seems you are offering appropriate support for where is he now. My daughter would fixate on a belief ie not being a nice person and would repeatedly come downstairs after going to bed, asking for reassurance. It was distressing for her and wearing for me as it was a cycle of worry she couldn't break out of. I found acknowledging how she felt, saying I understood, that she wasn't being silly, that worry to a certain level was normal and sharing a few of my minor worries helped her feel not so alone. Her dad and I stuck to the same script - never dismissing her feelings, but not being dramatic about them either. It was irrational though and painful and worrying to watch. The book I mentioned in my previous post did help. Eventually she had three sessions with a private counsellor who specialised in this sort of thing. She found it helpful because it wasn't just the people who loved her telling her she didn't need to worry and sort of grew out of that level of worry. She is now very open about talking about that time and I think the fact mental health is more openly discussed in all sorts of places helped. To be fair, the body swapping thing does sound scary and I can see how a child might fixate on it. Have a good Sunday OP.

I think this sounds potentially like intrusive thoughts. It's a form of OCD.
My DD has this and it was probably there all along but worse and more noticeable by age 7.
I would say that it would help both you and your child to understand this condition better.
It can be managed but takes a degree of effort and how you react will be part of that.
See your GP and talk to the school. CBT can be helpful as well as techniques to manage anxiety..
These are big and scary feelings at the moment.

I came on to recommend this book.

My DS had a referral to CAMHS for OCD many years ago. We had an initial appointment and were recommended this book which we managed to borrow from the library.

It was SO helpful as was this book (photo).

It was such a long wait for actual support and we worked our way through both books, doing the activities.

DS found them really helpful and is like a different child now.

We ended up coming off the waiting list for CAMHS as we all felt that he had improved so much and others had more need.

Many years later and he still refers back to the CBT activities that he did when he needs to/ is finding things tricky.

Good luck.

Cbt on the nhs asap

Be careful not to make this into something. Kids catch on very quickly. If you label this as OCD and anxiety he will pick up on this and will google it. He will start to think he has this too. By all means keep an eye on it and talk through his worries. I happen to think that our society now makes worries into anxiety too quickly.

I don't think watching youtube video is a good idea. I would get him back in sync with real life, nature, outdoors, sport.

I'm not sure if this is helpful.
If the child has OCD a diagnosis will ensure he gets appropriate support.

We talked about this to DD as a little girl as 'worrying' rather than OCD. She's older now and understands that it's a form of OCD.

I'd get him off YouTube for a start.

He sounds anxious so I would do all the usual things to help with anxiety, encouraging lots of sleep, lots of time outdoors, physical activity etc.

I knew someone would tell me off for saying that! Of course some children can and do suffer from anxiety, depression and or OCD. However, there are also a number of children who tell me they have 'anxiety' when actually they are simply worried about something difficult or preoccupying. When I ask them why they think they have 'anxiety', it is usually because they have seen it on the internet or heard their parents say it or they know that another child has sessions with the counsellor for anxiety. The fact that many adults spoke about anxiety during and after covid has meant this diagnosis is now used interchangeably for 'worry'.

@cansu I totally get you. I was saying this the other day, when did just being a little bit of a nervous person turn into you being anxious and it being a mental health disorder? I get for lots of people it is, but I feel like no one is just a bit nervous anymore. It's labelled as anxiety.

Anyway, thanks for the responses. I'll take a look at those books. As for YouTube, he doesn't watch it much at all. I monitor what he's watching. I mean I can't protect him from everything in life, which I don't think would be a good thing either as I think you build strength from some negative situations, so I don't think a little bit of youtube is harmful to him personally.

And thank you @Beamur , I'll look into intrusive thoughts as this sounds exactly like what he's experiencing. I'm hoping if I can just reassure him whenever he needs it and not make a fuss of it, he might just grow out of it, but I'll speak to the doctor if it continues.

You need to seek advice from CAMHS the main thing with OCD is if you don’t get proper help initially it can quickly develop in to a much bigger issue. There is no shame attached to seeking support for a child with mental health difficulties. If your child had a physical symptom that you didn’t fully understand you wouldn’t give them a book to read you would take them to the doctor. It’s the same thing. Get the right treatment.

I don't rate this book at all, it's crap. We have it. It's a bad quality print, some very dubious exercises and content. I have trained in CBT, do not buy this is my advice.

This one is good, we used it when dc had similar issues around that age.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dont-Worry-Be-Happy-Overcoming/dp/1786852365