Any mum not have periods? How did you explain to your girl?

[AngelofTroy]

Hi, my daughter is 7 and has until recently had no real idea about periods.

Talking to friends who are mums of girls, they all just grew up knowing about them because they saw their mum having them and it was a natural conversation.

I have a mirena coil and one side effect for me is that I don't get periods at all.

My son (10) has learnt about puberty at school and I was very happy and open answering his questions and DD was there and asked some of her own.

One question was "is it just until you're a grown up?" and I explained that women have them until they're much older, and she asked why she's never seen me have one.. so I explained that I don't have them anymore.

Of course she wanted to know why, and I told her I had something in my uterus that stops them because I had had my children.

Now she's telling me she doesn't want children and wants a coil put in so she never has periods or children!

I've told her that isn't an option and that girls all have periods for a while. Also that the coil is for grownups only and that it doesn't stop them for everyone.

She is autistic and very black-and-white about things, and thinks this is all extremely unfair.

I'm not sure where to go from here. Any advice would be appreciated! Hopefully it'll be years til she starts but I'd like to make sure she has good understanding as at the moment she is adamant that it "won't happen to her" and that if I can stop mine then it's ageist to make children have them.

I feel a bit out of my depth!

My Mum had a hysterectomy quite young so when it came round to my period starting my Mum hadn’t prepared anything or had anything in the house. So all a bit manic, she was also painfully embarrassed by the conversation so I couldn’t really have an open conversation.

I also have a mirena coil so similar to you I didn’t really have periods.

It just meant I was open and honest with both girls (eldest being autistic I had the same approach with both anyway) organised a little pack with essentials in. All went ok with both girls - the pack gave them peace of mind at school etc
Period pants are a god send - I would definitely recommend getting some. Then they can feel texture and find a pairs that they happy with.

Actually the not 'seeing' aspect is quite important to convey as lots of young girls worry about people knowing they have their period. So you can say that as it's dealt with in the toilet alone, nobody can tell.

I think you are over thinking it a bit tbh. Families come in all sorts if shapes and sizes where periods just won't be a thing they will learn about via exposure. There are lots of books sone even aimed at autistic children. Might be worth asking for recommendations. My NT dds both loved the American girl books. The care and keeping of you. Explained everything simply amd factually.

I wouldnt leave it to school to explain it. Having seen what dd2 was taught ( granted in secondary) she'd come out more confused than she is already unless you have explained it to her already.

Theres a real push at the moment to make periods traumatic. Unless there's an underlying Medical condition like endo or extremely heavy periods there is no reason why it cant be Reasonably straightforward to deal with provided you are on top of supplies of their choice of product and any pain killers they may need. Try to frame it in a "its a sign of a perfectly normal healthy growing girls body" way.

I think openness is really important for boys as well as girls. So buying "sanitary products" (also maybe not calling them sanitary products!) when you're shopping for other stuff. Having them visibly in the loo. But for me there's a fine line between openness and letting girls know they have a right to privacy if that's what they want. And that you do as an adult. I would prefer not to shit in front of other people. Ditto change a tampon. Absolutely fine if it's unavoidable, of course.

Incidentally- when preparing a "kit" for daughters to keep in their school bag, remember to put in a couple of wipes and clean pants. Have a practice at sticking on a pad. And make sure she knows it's OK to throw away the ones she's wearing if they get bloody. Sometimes first periods are surprisingly heavy.

She is autistic and very black-and-white about things, and thinks this is all extremely unfair.

There is a book I would highly recommend...

The autism friendly guide to periods.

I don't think my dc have ever seen me have a period either except the odd time when they were so young they had to accompany me to the cubicle in public toilets but they won't remember that so I doubt all the other girls will have and plenty of their parents will be in birth control too. I think your explanation is all you can do, maybe get her an age appropriate book to back up your explanations

If you're sharing a house with a menstruating woman, aside from the evidence of sanpro in the bathroom cupboard and occasional pairs of pants being rinsed out in cold water and hung on the radiator, surely it's also normal to see the remnants of blood pools in the bottom of the loo? In our student house share it was known as the Japanese Flag.

Another one a bit bemused by this. It's not necessary to give a live demonstration, surely? Makes me wonder how they handle conversations about sex, without an actual demo...

I can't relate to this 'seeing' others in the house having a period.

I'm sure my DM was having them but I never saw any sign of them. No products kept in the bathroom. Nothing in the bin.

I suppose she kept it hidden?

My DD has started but I have no idea when etc. She's discreet too I suppose.

I have floods and horrid mood swings so mine are very unhidden!

From age 7, I started talking about how her body works and how it will develop. Did the same with my boys. Age appropriate and bite size, answering other questions as and when they came up. Bought sanitary products for her to keep in her drawer at age 10. Just keep communication open.

It’s hardly ‘pearl clutching’ to think it’s weird and gross for older children to walk into the bathroom whilst their mum is changing her bloody pad. Does no one knock before entering? Your username has 1976 in it so I assume you’re very close in age with my mum (I’m in my mid 20s). When I started my period, my mum explained it was normal and didn’t hide our pads. She also didn’t avoid discussing periods. It wasn’t taboo. However, she didn't let me walk into the bathroom and watch her change her soaked through bloody pad/tampon. That’s a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed.