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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Is this normal?

17 replies

BBfrear · 13/04/2023 06:52

My son has just turned 10 in February and has been showing a few little puberty signs since about 8/ 9 last year. I noticed he had been growing small amounts of body hair around a week before his 9th birthday. He has no facial hair thank goodness (at his age anyway?!) and he is ginger haired so its easy to see! His hair has been a bit more greasier lately, he has always been thin and a bit tall for his age but lately has grown a bit more. He is very self conscious of photos and said about one “ aye mam I look wonky don’t post that!” He has a few spots on his forehead that definitely looks like acne and a small amount of small spots around his nose and under his eyes but I don’t know if this is because of his glasses rubbing against his face. I can’t smell much body odour but he just seems taller fast. I’m a tall woman but his biological dad is short so might take after me…🤣 his younger brother is shorter or average but is a year-2 years younger.. His stepdad thinks I’m going crazy but surely this isn’t normal?? He is 10 for goodness sake and the age when that started doesn’t seem right. He is still a baby! He’s my crazy but loving baby and has such a personality!

I love him and can’t bear to see him grow up, dreading him leaving primary next year. I don’t know whether or not to mention anything to school as he keeps getting upset about getting dressed in PE in front of the other kids! It all feels so sad! He gets angry often and cries but latelt has been having the worst mood swings and has been having them for around a yeae now perhaps longer !! … Dreading his leavers assembly next yr and seeing him leave, him being 5/6 years old didn’t seem that long ago. He is quite young sometimes for his age and has emotional problems and we suspect autism or aspegurs so it is sad to see :( yep I’m an emotional wreck!!

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 13/04/2023 06:56

It’s not unusual, and you need to have a talk about hygiene. He obviously needs to shower more often, and I’d be buying him a gentle deodorant to use.
Some girls start periods while at primary.

Rockingcloggs · 13/04/2023 06:59

Mine is 11 now OP, however, he's had one hairy armpit since he was just turned 10 - he still only has one hairy arm pit! 🤣

He has a patch of pubic hair (which he's immensely proud of) that's appeared in the last 8 months or so.

He's had to use deodorant properly since about age 9 though and if he doesn't he smells!

It's horrible that they're growing up but they all do it at different ages and in different ways and there is nothing we can do about it as much as it shows our babies are growing we need to embrace it!

When I started secondary school at 11 years old I became friends in the first week with a boy called Ciaran who had a full beard and tash! Bless him, he looked like a 30 year old on a preteens face!

ClaudiaCustard · 13/04/2023 06:59

You sound a bit .. overwrought so my advice would be to try and avoid passing this on to him.

Just ensure he's practising good hygiene, reassure him if he asks anything and that's all you need to do

Original poster

BBfrear · 13/04/2023 07:13

Thanks for your reply!! Aww bless em shame for em!! Your son seems so proud bless him then you get mine embarassed and crying over everything, honestly would have thought I had a girlie!!😂 made me chuckle and feel a bit better.. I remember a few boys like that most were a bit older but I guess the age can be getting earlier unfortunately! But they can’t help it can they! Gonna encourage mine to use deodrant more as he sees it as an adult thing bless him! Very withdrawn and when I say emotional I mean emotional.. tonight was crying over finishing his easter egg… whatever next🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

BBfrear · 13/04/2023 07:15

I hope my reply went through to the right message! I’m very new to all this🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

BBfrear · 13/04/2023 07:15

Yep deffo! Thank you will be telling him to use his deodrant more..

OP posts:

Original poster

BBfrear · 13/04/2023 07:18

Thanks for your reply! He has one but doesnt use it a lot and was a small one and has nearly ran out.. his stepdad picked it up for him when I started worrying about all this I try encourage him to use it even before he starts smelling! He gets a bath often in the week and a wash in the morning its the oral hygiene he needs to keep on top of but thank you… going to try get him another maybe more gentle deodrant and get him to pick

OP posts:

SkankingWombat · 13/04/2023 07:26

He's comfortably within the normal age range to be starting puberty. Given your surprise about it, I'm thinking it might be worth getting a book for him about puberty and what to expect. It would be a good refresher for you to read first (especially given your personal experience is with female puberty), then you can read it together before handing it over to him so he can check back into it as and when his worry or curiosity occurs.

Rockingcloggs · 13/04/2023 07:30

BBfrear · 13/04/2023 07:13

There are some very good books directed towards boys and puberty which we have and they've gone down well! However, Adam Kay (a former doctor) has two childrens books out that are about the human body and the second about the history of medicine - they are both really really funny and the first one has a section in on puberty etc and he approaches it factually and with great humour which may help to banish a bit of embarrassment!

ClaudiaCustard · 13/04/2023 07:35

Boys cry as much as 'girlies' at this age?

What a bizarre thread

Original poster

BBfrear · 13/04/2023 07:42

i know that but he cries a lot more than his older brothers did at this age and is very sensitive and withdrawn

OP posts:

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/04/2023 07:44

It’s normal age range. Always a shock when they grow up though.

A shower every morning would be a good habit. You can get a timer that limits it to 5 mins to keep the bills down. As PP says there are good books around and you can get one (from the library if you want) and be direct about the fact he now needs to wash more and use deodorant.

With kindness OP, there is nothing ‘girly’ about crying, and that’s a sexist thing to say from either POV.

AxolotlOnions · 13/04/2023 07:53

You really do need t be careful about the crying being girlie thing, it's perfectly normal for boys to cry when they are feeling emotional.

TreeNaDo · 13/04/2023 07:53

Both my sons needed to wear deodorant toward the end of year 4 as they did smell sweaty. A quick shower with focus on arm pits with soap, not shower gel, will help establish a routine. Lots of year 5 children take and use deodorant after PE and swimming (used to volunteer in a primary school) even if they don't need it as they see it as grown up. For the boys, stick deodorant.

The Osborne Book What is Happening to Me? the blue one for boys is really good to explain hygiene and body changes.

Boys cry, fact. They are human and telling any child to suppress their feelings because it makes them "girls" is harmful. I have a 6'3" rugby build Dh who sobbed when Ds1 left for uni and in fact in the weeks before because we would miss him so much. It does not make him feminine, femininity is a social construct, we are just people with emotions on a massive spectrum, male and female. Don't compare him unfavourably to his brothers.

BBfrears · 13/04/2023 08:38

Hi everyone,
thanks for your replies! And I think everyone has taken this the wrong way, I allow him to cry whenever he wants and believe it is a perfectly normal emotion for any child but my current partner, his stepdad always says

this has gotten better as we had an arguement one day about it and he has just gotten used to the way he is. I think it’s because of the bitchiness that goes on between him and his brother but I tell my partner it’s not just girls that can be bitchy boys can be bitchy too! My boys don’t always physically fight like the typical boy stereotypes, a lot of it is bitchiness and I always used to say as a joke you would think I had lasses or girls but now with more understanding in the world, I try avoid that saying but slip up on occasion out of habit 😘 but I’ve always allowed my boys to cry (I’m an all boy mamma- only 2 live with me, my older two 2 lived with their dad for a part of growing up) but when they lived with me, I always allowed them to talk to me just as I would a daughter and I allow my son who is mentioned in this post to talk to me anytime and we have a very good relationship. He is a mummys boy though..🥰

BBfrears · 13/04/2023 08:42

I was also very tired and half asleep when replying to these comments so I apologise if I worded things wrong… Xx

BBfrears · 13/04/2023 08:45

Hiya! Thanks for your recommendations! And yeah we are gonna probably get him one a better one for sensitive skin as he suffers with it… and I say that out of habit as my boys can get very bitchy and argumentitive but I hate the stereotypes that boys have to be strong and physically fight I love their own unique personalities and sorry if I worded the whole girly thing wrong. Its mainly my partner that used to always tell him to stop crying and stuff which caused a fall out a few months ago but my partner has got a lot better now and accepts my son how he is but thank you for the advice Xx

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