Can their best friend be at a different school?

ilovelamp2 · 2023-04-03T21:10:54+00:00

Our 12 Yr old daughter has settled well into secondary school but is struggling a bit with friendships. She has plenty of friends and is in a few different groups. She's been on school trips and in the school play ect and loved it all. But her best friend is a girl in our street who is absolutely lovely. They have such a great friendship which is lovely to see. Sometimes I just wish she had a 'school friend' like this. So as not to drip feed, daughter is in a good local comp, friend is in a Catholic school which (and please no offence to anyone else) we just can't consider as atheists. Anyone in a similar situation?!

NotTellingYouMyRealOne · 03/04/2023 22:17

My DDs are extremely close to my goddaughter. She lives about 10 miles away, just into the next school catchment. DD1 has a school best friend, but is closer to her lifelong friend. DD2 seems to feel the same way. Goddaughter is similar too. (They were all born in an 18month period, evenly spaced).

DD1 is the eldest of the three and only one at Secondary school currently... school friendships do seem tricky. Out of school friendships have less pressure.

Original poster

ilovelamp2 · 03/04/2023 22:19

That is interesting .. One of her closest school friends is her cousin so perhaps like a god daughter it's just easier?

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gkd1234 · 03/04/2023 22:23

My DD had an exceptionally close friend all through primary school. They ended up at different high schools due to siblings already elsewhere but have remained friends - not as close, of course because they don't see each other so often but still friends. She's never matched that early friendship with anyone from high school which is a bit sad.

GentlemenPreferBlondes · 03/04/2023 22:23

Why would be an issue? My Y7 has made friends at secondary but also friends from primary (who are at different secondaries) and one good friend from nursery (who went to different primary and secondary) plus some some friends from hobbies or from family friendships who don’t live in same town but are still close. The more the merrier!

CatOnTheChair · 03/04/2023 22:24

Yes, it can work.
Bit different, but we moved DS abroad, away from his bestie, in Y2. Came back in Y6, and couldn't get into the same primary. They are back together at secondary, and pretty much inseparable.
Let the school and outside school friendships develop, and see where they end up.

Original poster

ilovelamp2 · 03/04/2023 22:27

Thank you both, very reassuring. I suspected I was a bit of a worrier over this. Husband keeps saying, it's great she has * from the street. It's just not what I expected, I guess.

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6namechang3 · 03/04/2023 22:32

Having a very close friend or best friend at another school can be an absolute godsend if your daughter has any friendship problems at school. My daughter really benefited from having a very close friendship with my best friends niece ( more like her daughter) They are the same age but have never been to the same school. I think she could always be herself with her non school friend at times when peer pressure can make that hard. They are both at different universities now but very good friends.

Original poster

ilovelamp2 · 03/04/2023 22:33

All excellent advice here. We moved to be in catchment for the school she's in and I guess I thought that would mean keeping her primary school friends, which she has done but is not close to one in particular. She is an only child so not sure if that makes any difference?! She's confident and chatty though!

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MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/04/2023 22:34

The key point in your post is that she has plenty of friends at school, as well as this close friendship outside of school. I think this suggests that you're worrying unnecessarily.

It isn't necessary and perhaps not even healthy to have one single best friend in school. There is no need for kids to pair off in that way. It is entirely healthy and normal to have a group of friends and to acknowledge that you get different things from each friendship. Your dd sounds just fine, and it's brilliant that she has a close friendship outside school as well as friends in school....if things ever go wrong with her school friendships for any reason, the out of school friendship will be a huge comfort to her. In the nicest possible way, you're worrying about nothing!!

Original poster

ilovelamp2 · 03/04/2023 22:35

6namechang3 · 03/04/2023 22:32

Having a very close friend or best friend at another school can be an absolute godsend if your daughter has any friendship problems at school. My daughter really benefited from having a very close friendship with my best friends niece ( more like her daughter) They are the same age but have never been to the same school. I think she could always be herself with her non school friend at times when peer pressure can make that hard. They are both at different universities now but very good friends.

That all sounds very much like my daughter and her friend! She is so much more herself than around school friends at the minute.

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Original poster

ilovelamp2 · 03/04/2023 22:38

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/04/2023 22:34

The key point in your post is that she has plenty of friends at school, as well as this close friendship outside of school. I think this suggests that you're worrying unnecessarily.

It isn't necessary and perhaps not even healthy to have one single best friend in school. There is no need for kids to pair off in that way. It is entirely healthy and normal to have a group of friends and to acknowledge that you get different things from each friendship. Your dd sounds just fine, and it's brilliant that she has a close friendship outside school as well as friends in school....if things ever go wrong with her school friendships for any reason, the out of school friendship will be a huge comfort to her. In the nicest possible way, you're worrying about nothing!!

Thank you for being so kind. I do have a tendency to worry! Especially when I'm off work and have time to actually pause and think. Not always a good thing!

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FrangipaniBlue · 03/04/2023 22:41

DS15 is in year 10, his best friend (who he met at primary) goes to a different secondary.

In fact, there are 3 of them who knock around together and they go to 3 different schools!

His other group of friends who he mountain bikes with go to 4 different schools.

I think in some ways it does them good to not spend every minute of every day together.

Imagine working with your best mate or even your husband..... nah, too much!