Overweight 12yo DD

[fassbender]

Hi, I would like some advice on how to handle my DD's weight gain please. She is definitely overweight and has put a lot on over the past couple of years, which I assumed was down to puberty, but she has already started her periods. She is very independent, enjoys baking and cooking and especially loves cheese, mayonnaise, sweets, chocolate, et cetera. Whave had chats about how healthy eating (and what this is) and activity keeps us healthy and able to keep up in PE without running out of breath (which she complains about).

I have mobility difficulties and can't exercise in the same way that I used to because I have MS. But I do yoga and an MS exercise program, so I hope I act as a good role model to her. I sometimes take her out for walks, when I can, with me in my mobility scooter. DH also struggles to exercise due to getting up very early for work and then being exhausted in the evening.

I am just so conscious that I don't want her to feel bad about herself more than she already does (she often talks about her weight). But even though she's paranoid about her weight, and what she looks like, she doesn't seem to understand/care about the link between the rubbish that she eats, her lack of exercise and the weight gain. She helps me so much around the house and gets pocket money, but I noticed that she spends all on sweets. We make healthy meals, but she buys pizza, cookies for her school lunch. To top it all, she has a very skinny older brother, who doesn't have to watch what he eats, as he is active and conscious about what he puts on his body.

I had very disordered eating as a teen and in my early 20s, and I'm so conscious I don't want her to be the same.

It sounds like she is not very active for her age. Could she join a sports club of some kind - either at school or outside school? Running, trampolining, badminton, martial arts, netball, climbing....?

I understand that you are worried about saying the wrong thing, given your own history with disordered eating, but I think you are going too far the other way. I have teens, and I would never let them have pizza and cookies at school on a regular basis, or spend all their pocket money on sweets every week. She's still young enough to need some guidance / rules here. You don't need to mention dieting, just talk about healthy eating and nutrition etc - as you are doing - but I think you also need to enforce it a bit more. Tell her that you expect her to have a proper school lunch most days, not pizza.

Thank you for that, yes it's true she isn't very active at all. She does go to a jazz class one evening a week but other than that she just isn't interested in anything sporty. She hates running as it leaves her out of breath though she will go to our local trampoline park which unfortunately is about half an hour away and pretty expensive.

I think getting on top of her snacking and school lunches is the big thing that I need to do, I suppose I'm so worried about shaming her for what she eats, especially when her brother tends to have the same for his school lunch.