Getting ready in the morning

[Superunknown1]

Hello!

Does anyone have tips for getting 11 year old up and moving in the mornings? I tend to go in and say good morning to DSD at about 7:25-7:30, pop in with breakfast at about 7:40. We ideally need to be out the door by 8:30, she doesn’t have a big morning routine literally just eat breakfast (usually a couple of bites as she doesn’t have an appetite in the mornings) put on clothes and brush her teeth. Without fail she forgets every morning to brush her teeth (I always remind her after she’s put her shoes on and before bed else she won’t do it) and I hate being snappy but some days when I have to get to work straight after the school run it’s hard to not wonder what she spends the hour doing and I hate feeling like a nag calling up the stairs a few times that it’s time to leave.

Any tips? She does have her phone in her room so imagine some of the time may be spent waking up by playing on phone but as her mum allows it I feel a bit awkward being strict about it when I don’t even know 100% that’s what she’s doing. We have tried letting her walk to school a few times and asked her to just message when she gets there, we have tried this a few times and she always forgets to message and I end up having to call school and check she got there safely, so would honestly rather walk her if I can for my own stress levels as I worry!

Will be happy to find out even just if I’m not the only one 😁 She is good as gold in every respect and I don’t like to make mornings stressful.

Does she get breakfast in her bedroom?

We have 3 dcs and tend to be fairly strict on timings in the morning otherwise we would be late for school everyday.

Usually we have breakfast (at the table), then they get dressed, then dcs can watch tv or whatever they like until it’s time to leave. I usually go 10-15 mins before it’s time to leave and make them brush hair and teeth etc so it’s always a mad rush to leave the house on time.

Appreciate what works for one family doesn’t work for another but I do think you need to find out roughly what she’s doing in her room eg what would motivate her to get up? Breakfast? Tv? Phone? Something else? Have this downstairs so that she has a ‘reason’ to get up.

Otherwise you might need to resort to a reward or punishment after school if literally nothing is working?

I also have a rough time schedule (that exsists only in my head) to make sure everyone is ready eg get up at 7, finish breakfast by 730, make sure dcs dressed by 745 etc.

Good luck

As a working mum, we were all up and dressed and had breakfast downstairs round the kitchen table. School bags were ready the night before. It sounds as if you never built up a routine when she was younger.

I would say get dressed, teeth, hair etc all upstairs.
Then downstairs for breakfast .

I remember getting a bacon roll or toast thrown into my hand to eat at bus stop as always ran late. It’s easier to eat on the go than get dressed

Don't take her breakfast up and keep her phone downstairs. The phone shouldn't really be in her room overnight. Don't let her have her phone until she is ready to go, teeth brushed, shoes on

Is the phone working off WiFi or data? WiFi is easy to fix (can go on again when she's ready)

No phone allowed in room overnight and not allowed phone until fully ready in morning. She should put her clothes out for school the night before and have her bag ready.

I have an 11yo who doesn't have her phone in her room. It stays downstairs. So that's the main motivator for coming down in the morning. She gets up at 7, has about 20mins on the couch /on her phone/ TV. Then I go and tell her to get read - teeth clothes etc. We leave the house at 7.45 and I drop them at breakfast club.

This is exactly what we do. He isn’t allowed his phone until his shoes are on and he is ready to get into the car. Every thing is packed the night before, including drinks in bag so there is no need to rush around. That being said , he is still extremely hard work to get up!!!!

Should add sorry dd knows if she isn't fully ready to leave at 7.45 that she risks loosing tv/phone time in the mornings.

My 11 year old has dyspraxia amongst other conditions and is poor at organising time, tasks and life in general

Each evening before bed we take out his uniform for the next day together fold up and put it on his chair in his room are when it's cold we put it on his radiator so it's warm in the morning

I wake him up when I get up but he doesn't have to get out of bed until I come back about 15 minutes later

Then it's toilet and get dressed before coming downstairs

Downstairs it's drink small snack because he goes to breakfast club and then he can watch 15 minutes of TV generally before I say TV off go and do your teeth

When he's doing teeth I get his shoes and coat and bag ready at the front door so when he comes down it's all on and out

We just do not deviate from this so it's always the same Monday to Friday when he's at school

He doesn't like alarms because he sent it to noise and prefers me to remind him when it's time and give him a five minute reminder before TV off

He's trying to move his little bit of Netflix time to Phone time but I said no because he can't come off his phone when I asked because he's always at a part of a game or something and it delays and he gets Angsty

Very simple solutions here...

1. no breakfast or phone until teeth brushed, washed and dressed. And bags ready etc
2. then she can make her own breakfast
3. then phone and whatever she wants to do until leaving time

This is not normal and surely you must know that. Both ds's sorted the selves since about aged 6, so at 11 this is very late. You need to lay foundations. Get up shower deodorant, get dressed, breakfast, brush teeth. Or similar rough order. No phones till completely ready.

Mine had a much more relaxed routine and are allowed phones, but they aren't ever late.

Thanks for the replies, it’s been a hard few years for her so do tend to be gentle on her and hard to juggle being the ‘bad parent’ by being stricter with phones etc than her mom as she is allowed it in her room there. I mainly do worry about her forgetting her teeth every day as I don’t remember having to be reminded at her age.

I’ve only been in her life for a few years so never known it be different regarding never building a routine. I try my best to keep it regimented and get her up earlier than necessary so she can slowly get up and sorted but realise that may be the issue! Unfortunately if she was left to get breakfast herself she wouldn’t have any, and I worry about her not eating enough. Lots to think on!

You can still offer to help with breakfast but downstairs. Just a gentle reminder of time and that you have made tea or whatever downstairs

I would start with phone restrictions. My teens are not allowed phones in their rooms overnight and the phone also automatically turns off at a certain time (depending on their age) which prevents a lot of time wasting!

My 12 year old is very slow at getting ready and so her phone doesn't turn on until 8am ish, when I can see that she is dressed and ready and not messing about on the phone.

Restrictions don't always work perfectly and I do regularly have to make changes depending on what we are doing etc, but I do find it helps to reduce distractions.

Thank you, definitely going to consider asking her to not use her phone until she’s up and sorted, it is hard as a lot of these standards have been set by how things are at her mum’s, and admittedly not wanting to be bad cop. I’m glad I’m not overreacting that the time getting ready is excessive. I think also breakfast downstairs is a great idea!

We don’t allow the phone at all in the mornings. I was always late because of it and now mornings are much more pleasant.

Why wouldn't she get breakfast?

Also, why is Dad not doing all this?

Sounds like she needs help being organised.

Give her a list of things to do each morning and if necessary get her to tick them off or whatever.

Sounds like she needs additional help tbh if she's genuinely so disorganised she's consistently forgetting daily tasks like eating breakfast or brushing teeth.

But really, Dad should be stepping in here.

Where's Dad in all this?

Does she have an Alexa in her room? We use alexa announcements for eldest DD who is 15 with SEN and she responds to that. Both she and my youngest DD who is 12 get their own breakfast though. Youngest walks to school with a friend and I think that gives her the motivation to be up and ready in good time. Neither are allowed phones in their room overnight, personally I think that’s really bad.

Dad frequently works up to 16 hour work days so I usually do morning routine, I think it’s less forgetfulness and just not wanting to do it in all honesty even though she knows how important dental care is. Lots of ideas, thank you all for the help

I wake my DC up. He comes down to have breakfast. Then he washes, brushes teeth and gets dressed. Bag ready night before. Only then can he watch tv/YouTube. Sometimes have to send back to do teeth better etc. it's just a routine so happens without argument