Worried about DD (Y7) hanging out with wrong people

[runningslowlyuphill]

Hi, this is my first time posting, so sorry if it's not right.
I'm really worried about my DD in Y7. She started secondary in Sep, and has always done reasonably well at school and had good friendships. Secondary started really well - seemed to make some nice friends and put in top set. Embraced learning, homework etc. But in the last couple of months, she's hanging out with a different crowd and her attitude towards learning seems to have completely changed. This was confirmed in Parents Evening this week, when a couple of teachers raised concerns about this and also mentioned that she may not remain in the top set. Her view towards this is that she actively wants to move down "top set is for neeks"
I've also noticed a difference in how she speaks - she's started to say "we was" rather than "we were" etc etc. The more I correct, the more she seems to go the other way, like I'm confirming what she doesn't want to be!
Really not sure how to play this - I don't want to appear judgemental about friends, and I also believe that children should choose their own friends. She's headstrong (which I generally think is a v good thing) and if I go one way, she'll go the other.
Anyone been through this/any advice? Am so worried about where this will go

I've not been through this no, but I would stop correcting her on how she speaks. I think that will only encourage her in her rebellion.

I would encourage other activities- make sure she has opportunities to meet others in clubs, etc. widen her circle. Charge her narrative re top set - say that's not true and give examples. Were you/dad in top set for example? And yes, correct her speech! Does she say it to be like them....she needs to be her own person and not try to copy others. People will like her for who she is. Try not to be negative re the friends though...you don't want rebellion or going down wrong path. Have clear expectations and boundaries. Hope it works out!

Just wanted to add that we were recommended the book Untangled. I'd say it's definitely worth a look in your case

Have you met her friends? Would it be a good idea to invite then over to see what they are like? As a teacher even though we might want to alert parents about unsuitable friends,it is a minefield. Naming individuals is a no no. I would say meeting them.is the way forward.

don't correct how she speaks that's so demeaning and rude, as they grow up kids mirror their peers speech rather than their parents

don't correct how she speaks that's so demeaning and rude, as they grow up kids mirror their peers speech rather than their parents

Disagree. Parents are not mates. She can speak how she wants with her peers, but at home she needs to do it properly.
As for school performance, tie it to monetary allowance. All kids like money/shopping/treats.

OP I'm going through similar with my year 7 DD. Different to yours though in that she's in the bottom sets for everything due to some additional needs, and is mixing with the most troubled and vulnerable kids. She's been in trouble with the police for having sexually explicit conversations online ( phone confiscated now), friends have encouraged her to try to buy vapes, she went through a "non binary" phase as her friend claimed she was. Plus she's tried cutting herself as her "new friends" said it was cool.

I'm at my wits end. I've tried getting her involved in out of school activities but she's just not interested. She does minimum homework. Im thinking of getting her a private tutor to see if we can move her out of the bottom sets, but she will probably refuse to go.

She's on the waiting list for an autism assessment. She's struggling massively with the transition to secondary.

Sorry, im no help whatsoever. But you're not on your own.

Rubbish, children need to learn how to speak properly. They can speak how they want with their friends, but at home they speak correctly.

Otherwise they go into jobs saying 'we was' and everyone thinks they're a moron...

Encourage clubs and activities away from school. Would she like horse riding lessons or something else? Invite her friends to yours one at a time, there's nothing like forbidding or discouraging something to make it more attractive. Pretend you haven't noticed her speech. Give incentives for school work and results and consequences for poor behaviour in school and home.