Daughter says she has no friends

[Taytotots]

My 10yo DD has been saying that she is upset because she has no friends. She seems to generally get on with people in school and groups she is in but seems to not have particularly gelled with the group of girls in her small school. I was hoping a school move next year would give her a bigger pool to pick from so she could find her crowd but it now looks like she will be stuck with this cohort through secondary (we live rurally, not uk, and this is the only school option). She is young for her year and I suspect part of the issues are that many of the other girls have more grown up interests (like watching tv like stranger things 🤔not really appropriate for 10 year olds! ). Maybe this will improve as she gets older and gets more common interests. She does have two good friends she sees regularly outside school.
Is there anything I can do to help? Should I just butt out and provide a sympathetic ear?
We do have a lot of neurodiversity in the family but school haven't picked up on anything that they think warrants assessment (I know girls can't mask though, she does have meltdowns when overwhelmed which, with some other things, made me wonder if asd assessment might be worthwhile).

Asd diagnosis won’t help her make friends. Does she have clubs or
hobbies? Could you move somewhere with a bigger school? Growing up with no friends is sad.

She has hobbies and is in clubs. She interacts well with kids in them. She does have some close friends that she has sleepovers etc with so she isn't completely isolated. It's more that she is feeling left out of the gang at school. Not sure if there us anything that we can do to help. Moving isn't an option at the moment.

I disagree, an ASD diagnosis will help her make friends. The school can match her with another girl with ASD- as they’re more likely to get on as their authentic selves. She can join online groups and find friends that way too. Having a diagnosis will also allow her to let the mask slip a bit- part of not having friends is masking makes you feel like a fake and other children can sense fakery a mile off. Other children will be willing to like her for who she is if she likes them enough to tell them she has ASD and so tends to take things literally, not like to be hugged, - what ever her particular traits are these are just common examples.

It will give her confidence and the assessment comes with recommendations to the school on how best to support her.

By the time she’s off to Uni, her career field may even be majority ASD students.

Thanks @Onnabugeisha . Another long (2+ hour) meltdown this morning due to a small routine change so I think we will try and get a private psychology assessment done. She definitely doesn't present as 'typically' autistic (hugs people a lot (rather too much - even strangers), generally good eye contact, seems quite sociable) but would be good to get her support if she is or for whatever is going on. Definitely in my field asd can be a major advantage in a lot of ways, many colleagues are neurodiverse, so you could be right about uni!

I didn't think being sociable was that unusual in Neurodiverse girls?

What are the girls in her school like? Are they all in one big group or several smaller groups? It sounds like your dd has friends but isn't included in the groups at school. Is there anyway you could organise playdates with some of these girls? Are they generally welcoming one to one? Could your dd join scouts where she can make friends in a more structured way?

I think that's it @RadioOK. She seems to struggle with being part of bigger groups. The girls are fine with her one on one and there doesn't seem to be any bullying. She has playdates with some if them and we socialise with their families and I will try and do more playdates. There are only 10 girls in her year and I think they do form one main group.

She is actually in cubs already and is happy there but it's a small section.

@PritiPatelsMaker yes absolutely. Neurodiverse girls can be sociable and can be very good at masking of they are having difficulties from what I have read.

I think its enough to offer a sympathetic ear. If she has different interests than her classmates can be a bit difficult to form a connection. It can change as she grows up and her interests change and the age difference evens out or not... I would support her friendships outside of school that seems to be working and just hear her out.

Only ten girls in her class? That is a rather limited pool. When my DD was in primary school, she was in a class of 30 but only 10 girls in her class. She has friends but it was a very limited pool and not an ideal situation. Not all the girls gelled. At secondary age now...we've put her in a girls school and there are so many more like minded girls she can make friends with. It's a lot better.

Thanks @Nivid and @Comedycook . Looks like a bigger school might be on the cards again for next year so fingers crossed! I certainly made better friends in secondary as much more choice than in my small primary.