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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

What age is a good age to let DD hair remove?

63 replies

Cece92 · 07/01/2023 19:26

Hi all :) my DD9 has asked a few times to shave her legs. I've tried putting it off aslong as possible but she's very insecure about her leg and arm hair. DD is a mirror copy of me. We both have olive skin and very very black hair (naturally) I was young when I shaved as I felt the same as DD but I went behind my mums back stole a razor and had several big cuts and done it dry 🙈😂 I am not against hair removing but I'd rather avoid shaving so young. Is there any other alternatives except hair removal that anyone could suggest? Not sure if it matters but DD is actually mixed race too her hair is slightly thicker than what mines was at that age. Tia :)

OP posts:
Luckycatt · 07/01/2023 23:27

It bothers me because a boy wouldn’t shave his legs.

My young teen son shaved his legs last week. He's got a shaver and just decided to do his legs.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 07/01/2023 23:32

ItsACrater · 07/01/2023 23:21

But your case point is they’re a child!! So is it their choice?

Show quote history

If you don't teach your child they have bodily autonomy when they are a child, especially when they are a teenager, how do you suddenly expect them to recognise when someone is encroaching on it as an adult?

How do they recognise that its their body their choice when they are 18 if at 17 and 364 days their body choices are still controlled by their parents.

They can give medical consent for procedures under the age of 16 for goodness sakes, but they aren't allowed to shave their legs?

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 07/01/2023 23:33

Luckycatt · 07/01/2023 23:27

It bothers me because a boy wouldn’t shave his legs.

My young teen son shaved his legs last week. He's got a shaver and just decided to do his legs.

My BiL shaved pretty much his entire body for 6 years as a teenager because he was competing at a national level in a sport that required it

DuplicateUserName · 07/01/2023 23:37

What boys do or don't do with their leg hair is also their choice.

And completely irrelevant to the OP's child anyway.

WGACA · 07/01/2023 23:43

Pay to get them professionally waxed at least the first time.

HowcanIhelp123 · 08/01/2023 00:23

If my 9 yo daughter came to me wanting go remove hair from her legs I'd help her. Same if it was my 9 yo son. I'd listen to them about the hair on their head at that age, why is legs different? In my life I've shaved, waxed, epilated, now finally lasered. Often with bits of not bothering in between. She is self conscious now so let her remove it, chat about best way to do it. She can decide to stop removing if she wants.

AWaferThinMint · 08/01/2023 07:50

@ItsACrater I also feel uncomfortable that Munson won't feel this way about body hair (or is highly unlikely to) and my daughter does.

But I'm realistic about the world in which we live. I have no control over the media and the outside pressures on my daughter. So instead I support her to be comfortable and happy in herself and to let her know I have her back and trust her to make decisions about her own body (in an age appropriate way).

We have talked together about that unfairness. She still feels uncomfortable. So she has been provided a way to safely remover hair herself.

Both parts of this have to be able to coexist. It wouldn't be a fair to expect an 11 year old to meet adult ideals and wishes about how the world should be.

AWaferThinMint · 08/01/2023 07:51

*my son. Who the hell is Munson, I've jumped back to Stranger Things from last year 🤣

Cantonet · 08/01/2023 08:02

A good age is when your DD wants to.
There's a lot of teasing at junior school plus often not so private changing for pe.
Buy her a Venus razor, as it's pretty impossible to cut yourself with one.
Waxing seems really cruel at 9. I couldn't even wax as an adult, as it was too painful & I reacted really badly to it. My dd's also developed bad rashes.

Judgyjudgy · 08/01/2023 08:05

You'd need to do some research as she's so young, but perhaps you'd be better with waxing or laser etc

ProceedWithOptimism · 08/01/2023 09:50

Thing is, we can parent as if we live in an ideal world, or we can parent in the world as it is.

And I don't think that using your daughter to turn the tide of a cultural convention, when it makes her uncomfortable about her body, is anyone's great victory.

ItsACrater · 08/01/2023 09:55

AWaferThinMint · 08/01/2023 07:50

@ItsACrater I also feel uncomfortable that Munson won't feel this way about body hair (or is highly unlikely to) and my daughter does.

But I'm realistic about the world in which we live. I have no control over the media and the outside pressures on my daughter. So instead I support her to be comfortable and happy in herself and to let her know I have her back and trust her to make decisions about her own body (in an age appropriate way).

We have talked together about that unfairness. She still feels uncomfortable. So she has been provided a way to safely remover hair herself.

Both parts of this have to be able to coexist. It wouldn't be a fair to expect an 11 year old to meet adult ideals and wishes about how the world should be.

Perhaps this is it - I’m trying to lead an idealistic life, my 11 year old hasn’t complained about body hair. Neither has my soon to be 8 year old. they are of mixed race and very different in the hair category.

i hope as you’ve all said I can support them. I wouldn’t want them to be bullied or feel uncomfortable.

Woeman · 08/01/2023 11:41

I agree. Fuck the patriarchy and all that, but those years at secondary school are brutal.

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