This is going to a long thread, I desperately need some advice. My son 11, for the past 3 years ish, has changed, I am at my wits end. He doesn’t see his dad his dad is a drug addict who has been in & out his life briefly, my husband brought him up since he was 2. Myself and my husband split a few years ago, & my husband no longer sees my son. I’m not sure if this is where the problems have come from, if it’s my parenting, or if there is something wrong with him.
He is constantly smashing possessions, tvs, phones, especially when he’s playing on his computer, he will loose & start to shout, scream & swear & smash things. If I ask him to come off the game he shouts, kicks off which results un us having a arguement he will then chuck things at me only easier hitting me repeatedly in the face with a cushion. He’s punched holes in walls also in anger. He tells lies, things like says stuff has happened at school; which hasn’t. Like trying to make himself sound better. Nothing is ever his fault, ever, he will never accept accountability for anything. He sometimes cries when we argue, he sometimes doesn’t, only more recently he just shows no empathy for hurting, upsetting me, just doesn’t seem to care.
another example earlier today I text him asking what his friend surname was, he text me back saying how should he know and told me to fuck off. I was absolutely gobsmacked. He’s getting detentions at school for bad behaviour, messing around, giving cheek being late etc. which he believe is unfair & he shouldn’t be given them!
He has always wanted for nothing, I have done my best for him, but I feel I am unable to cope with the constant fights, & aggression. I have another child 5, & im worried about her witnessing all this. Family members do not help! I have tried taking away possessions he doesn’t seem to care & I struggle to stick with keeping his possessions as he drives me nuts, following me around, causing trouble with his sister because he’s bored!
I just feel his anger is going worse & worse & the last thing I want is a angry boy turning into a angry child!
When he was in year 6 I contacted urban outreach, & a lady would visit him in school & visit us at home trying to teach him to identify his emotions, & how to control his anger. This worked well for awhile.
He refuses to get up for school most days, often making me late for work I work as a TA in a school, I’ve had to leave multiple jobs due to me being late or unable to go in because he refuses to go to school. He refuses to do any homework also. As far as I’m aware he is popular with peers & isn’t being bullied.
I can be nice as pie to him, & even that makes him mad with me.
Has anyone any advice.