10yr old DD online searches at school

[AM786]

I've just discovered my DD has been searching you tube videos at school about sex, dating and kissing using the Google account that her school setup. Whilst this might seem normal to some, it's not something that we approve of and certainly not until she's in her very late teens/adult hood if I can help it.

I've also found an online chat with her friends where she has used a collage of lusty icons not appropriate for her age but it seems that she has copied this from one of the other girls.

At home she can't get to these on her account as it's mostly blocked using family safety from Microsoft so all pages she attempts to go to needs my online approval. However I've had to allow her access to her school Google account to submit homework.

She doesn't have any social media or phone and is limited on how much time is spent on electronic devices including TV.

My first instinct is to stop all online access at home.
The problem is they seem to be getting online time at school to do this? I'd also like to get her away from those girls at school but seems impossible and there is only 7 months left until the end of primary school.

Just wondering if anyone was in a similar position, taking account of stance on sex/kissing/dating, and what would you do?

You need to tell the school that their filtering system isn't fit for purpose.

But you really need to be able to talk openly and without judgement to your daughter. You do come across as quite pious so she's going elsewhere for information.

If your school has Google account that has been given to the child, check the you tube history.

My school uses Google.
Even as an adult user we can't automatically access YouTube via our school accounts. That's even if we use the accounts at home, not just in school.

We had to have some account settings changed to allow some staff access to be able to view YouTube in lessons - some of the educational clips we want to use were only available in there.

Our pupils don't have their own accounts as they're only up to 7 (infants) but we have some generic pupil accounts we use for certain computing lessons and to access the chrome books. YouTube is fully restricted on these.

There is an agenda in schools that is not healthy bringing in RSHE at such young ages have brought this curiosity into schools.

What part of the primary school rshe curriculum are you not happy with?

If you suspect she has accessed things at school you need to go straight to them and speak about it. Schools haven’t always set things up properly to block everything and I would be worried about inappropriate content. The school will take it seriously
agree with others you sound very extreme and it’s not healthy. It’s easy to fall down a hole on the internet but her curiosity is normal. It’s always been the same and she’s participating as much as the other girls you want to get her away from. Perhaps look at getting her some books which cover these things in an age appropriate manner.

Rshe in schools at a young age is not talking about what happens in bed it's talking about diverse families and acceptance they are not learning about how babies are made any younger than they ever did ...they are understanding that some children have same sexed parents, others one parent, mixed race, mixed sex, live with grandparents, foster parents etc. Have you attended the information sessions or just listened to the religious protestors who never opened their ears to find out what is really taught?

If it's genuinely happening at school, please contact school to let them know.

They will have a safeguarding team, including someone in that team responsible for online safety aspects of safeguarding, plus there will be an online safety lead.

They need to be aware that the school's filtering system isn't working effectively.

We 'buy' in our filtering system from 'schools broadband' and it is usually very strict. So much so that we have to contact them to let some more stuff be accessed at times. Whilst it's never possible to remove all inappropriate content the majority of it should be.

What are you going to do when she comes home with a boyfriend in year 7. I would imagine she won’t tell you, which is sad for her. If she’s curious it’s more than likely this will happen.

I am in my late 40s I didn’t have the internet or books and went to a religious school. It didn’t stop me being curious. No one spoke to me, my Mum was too prudish. I had sexualised relationships very young and got pregnant in my late teens. My parents had no idea about these things until I came home and told them I was pregnant because I couldn’t talk to them.

IME you are going to make this worse by making everything secretive and off limits will increase her natural curiosity and will put her off telling you anything. I have daughters myself and preserved their childhood for as long as possible but as soon as they start to reach secondary age you need to ensure they can talk to someone sensible that isn’t the internet.

Is this actually just a post to complain about the rshe curriculum? No one's biting, if that's the case.

Here quite detailed sex education is given in primary 6 which is aged 9/10. I'd say it is indeed age appropriate and it's a shame your dd is having to resort to Google as she isn't able to talk to you. I imagine school will cover it soon too!

Poor child being punished for natural curiosity. This is a problem of your own doing. You're living in a cave if you think you're her only influence in life. Children talk about boyfriends/girlfriends and things they've heard. It's the job of a good parent to educate - not deny information.

I’d raise it with the school OP (in writing), just say that your DD is using her school account to search for sex videos on youtube, and you would be grateful if they could confirm whether the school uses safeguarding software that will prevent her accessing such videos, and what software it is. Then see where that conversation goes. Hopefully she searched for the videos but couldn’t access them. I know at my school that if eg a child googled ‘fuck’ then the computer will take a screenshot and email it to the teacher and block the child’s search.

I think people are giving you too hard a time on here. Yes kids need to know about periods and biology and you have said yoh are teaching that, but that doesn’t mean kids need free access to the internet including porn and the type of violent misogyny so easily accessible on youtube. Children particularly girls are so vulnerable particularly in terms of what they come to view as sexually normal/acceptable. She shouldn’t be seeing any youtube search results for sex. 🤢

She probably wouldn't have to search for it OP didn't expect her to wait until late teens/adulthood to explore kissing,dating or sex.

If the child is in y6 then the school will have done this already. By y8 she'll be learning about porn and masturbation, so basically short of locking her in a tower, the OP is going to have to consider home education (which, without access to the Internet, should be an interesting adventure

Basically op, @AM786 one way or another the knowledge will be gained, now I understand your perspectives and views, but as.you cannot shutdown the knowledge , how do you plan to proceed ?

Well just talk to her, and talk to the school if you think their filters aren’t working.

But you need to get a grip OP, it’s normal for adolescents to be interested in sex. This isn’t about society sexualising kids, it’s about her hormones. If you think you can stop her being interested in sex till she’s 20, you are going to be disappointed - you cannot fight biology.

Sort your head out for everyone’s sake.

It will really help her if you are able to talk to her in an age appropriate way about kissing, sexual relationships etc alongside using the internet in a safe way. It's not about sexualising a child it's about helping her to understand the world around her. Do you not remember being curious about kissing for example eg why do people kiss? What does it feel like? How will I know what to do? It's all very normal and healthy in the same way a younger child will start to get curious about the difference between male and female bodies, how babies are made etc.

I’d like to see the ‘collage of lusty icons’. 😀

🍑🍑🍑😘😘😘🍈🍈🍈🍆🍆🍆

Thank you @legalseagull much appreciated.