Biting, uncooperative 10 year old

[Testingmylimits]

DD is exhibiting some very challenging behaviours which DH and I are really struggling with. Generally she’s rude, uncooperative and still hits and bites me and DH when she doesn’t get her own way.

She’s always been difficult to parent. Bedtimes have been a nightmare since she was a baby and still are. She hasn’t washed for a week and is refusing to do so.

We’re exhausted with struggling with parenting her. She’s the youngest of three if that makes any difference.

does anyone have any ideas particularly on how to stop the aggression and biting?

I'd say that goes well beyond typical behaviour for her age. Maybe take her to see your GP?

What's the consequences when she bites/hits/refuses to wash? What's she like at school?

Have you considered whether she has additional needs op? This kind of behaviour doesn't sound at all usual in a 10 year old. Has the school ever said anything?

If an NT 10yr old bit me, I'd bite them back. Hard. Probably get pilloried for saying that, but I would. That's not just aggressive, it's savage, and needs to fucking stop.

However, this behaviour is so out of the range of normal for a child that age I'd be seriously exploring assessments. Keep a behaviour diary for a week or two, speak to school and the GP.

Have a look at PDA and strategies for parenting children with PDA. Regardless of whether she actually does have additional needs such as autism, ADHD or PDA it sounds like the way she's being patented right now isn't working for anyone and so you may find that techniques used for PDA/autism etc might be helpful to you and her.

*Parented

Sounds way beyond typical. Has her teacher at school got any concerns?

Unless you meant to post in the doghouse I would be very concerned about a dc exhibiting such behaviour op..

I would echo a chat with your Gp. Biting isn’t normal for that age group. Is she able to express herself clearly e.g does she have enough vocabulary to say how she is feeling and the time/space to talk to you? (thinking back to toddler years when biting is common- it’s often because they can’t verbalise ‘I’m cross/sad/excited etc.)

For short term, I would set a behaviour chart with clear objectives and reward is small chunk be.g no hitting/biting for the morning = 30mins iPad time etc. Involve her in making it. Express how much you love her but how hurt it makes everyone feel to be hit/bitten. If she does hit/bite, I would say a form’ o!’ And move to another room without engaging with her further. When she is behaving well, do lots of positive praise.

Is this behaviour new or always been an issue? If the latter, agree with looking at something like ASD or PDA. If the former has something traumatic happened recently?

That sounds exhausting. I would contact GP for a referral to paediatrician/CAMHS.

Definitely agree to look at strategies recommended for children with PDA. www.pdasociety.org.uk

In our area parents are offered the triple p parenting course

www.triplep-parenting.uk.net/uk/triple-p/

This website might also help

www.familylives.org.uk

I work with many families whose children hurt them so you are not alone - but do get support for you and them.

You are ridiculous.

Bless you. I had years of this from my now teen. No one would take it seriously until secondary age.
Some parenting courses are OK. Non Violent Resistance has good parts and you will certainly meet other parents in the same (heartbreaking) boat. It doesn't totally fix things, in fact it throws all previous parenting rules out the window, but it should set you on a better path.

V predictable response.

Are there any special needs in the mix here? Because honestly a ten year old who bit me wouldn't sit for a week. But if there are SEN involved, that's different and needs to be handled differently.

Sorry, didn't mean to bore you with my predictable response to an NT adult saying they'd bite a child with SEN 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your reading comprehension needs work.

Not really.

You evidently missed the bit where I specified that id give a biting NT child the same treatment, and then went on to flag that the behaviour sounds far from usual and could do with further investigation.

But I suppose actually reading comments thoroughly isn't as satisfying as hooking your judgypants so far up your fanny that you get a yeast infection.

I read them both which made it worse. Saying you'd bite a kid you then acknowledge might have SEN is actually somehow even worse.

Anyway, the OP might find the rest of this thread useful so I'm not derailing any more.

Again, reading comprehension. I said I'd bite an NT kid. I then said I do not think OP's kid is NT. Ergo, I would not bite OP's kid. Not sure how hard that is to understand.

I don't know what the answer is here, but OP I would seriously consider getting some professional help. Whether or not your DD has some additional needs or is 'just' very badly behaved, a 10 year old biting is very far from normal.

Biting certainly isn't normal.
I had one biter out of all my DCs. He soon stopped because I didn't let him, it was made known through stern, non shouty voice at his eye level (no looming over or pointing) with serious tone, that when we bite it's not okay, sanctions applied etc.
At ten I'd be leaning towards there being additional needs and seeking professional support/opinion be it gp and school. Either it's got out of hand or assessment for behaviour issues may be needed.
I hope you find a solution and some support.