DD has gone through a traumatic time with illness over the last 4 months (gut issues, lots of trips to hospital, 2 months off school, still no proper diagnosis). She has been in constant pain (but has some good times in between), and has become intolerant to most foods which she has struggled with a very limited diet.
It has been hell for all of us and difficult on DD who just wants to get better. I have appointed a counsellor who comes to our home to see her weekly to learn how to deal with her emotions. Her new normal is ‘belly ache’, where she has seemed to be okay with getting on with her day without it bothering her activities too much, and the odd extreme pain which stops our day where we can clearly appoint it to food.
I have tried my best with her with everything - not eaten when she hasn’t been able to, stayed in bed with her many nights when she is unsettled, distracted her with constant activities, one on one time, missed a lot of work to be with her, changed my hours, holidays, trips out when she’s having good days etc. I have barely left the room when she is home as she distresses and panics and requires this constant attention off me (which I don’t blame her for regarding what she has been through). She has a journal, we have taught her different coping methods.
She had a good week compared to the usual last week, definitely the best week we have had which I was so grateful for, but this was ruined again by trying a small amount of new food which set her pain off. She had a night of nausea, and about an hour of pain the next morning. The she picked up well enough to get dressed, we went out as a family and the girls showed us their new tree swing, spent the day together.
But it gets to the point where we do something she doesn’t like or the attention is taken from her and her behaviour is awful. She is a thunderstorm. Dramatics, in pain again all of a sudden, uses it as an excuse to shout or slam doors, rude to everyone, Sunday she screamed ‘listen!’ Right In her sisters face when DD was in fact the one interrupting her sister in the first place! That night when she was left by herself for ten minutes (I was having a heart full conversation with DP) that she started with the ‘pain’ and feeling sick and it ended up with me putting her in bed with her glaring at me like she hated me when I said good night to her and tried to shut the door. Often, she does not know what she wants when she gets like this.
Its been like this every day this week where she will be fine and then boom, bedtime is here and her tummy hurts and she’s crying and stomping around and clinging on to me like she can’t stand up. You can tell when she is in genuine pain - and when she’s having a bit of bother that she’s playing up against. Last night was another one where she was some pain (I know she had some trouble as she was evidently more ‘gassy’) but she was playing around with her sister, laughing, absolutely fine so I took the opportunity to go for a shower. As soon as I was coming down the stairs the moaning and the groaning and the moods started again. I was listening to them laughing and chatting away whilst I was getting ready, and I even thought to myself ‘here we go again’ as I was coming down the stairs because i was expecting the pain to show as soon as I was on the rooms. It’s something my partner has also picked up.
This morning I woke up early to try and catch up on work I have missed, she woke up shortly after and it was the ‘face’ again, the moans, groans and grumpiness. She would not eat for me. I gave her some calpol. As soon as we made the decision maybe she is unwell enough to go to school, my DP made her get ready to go to her nana house and it was like she perked up all of a sudden. Same on the car with him, grumpy face but not in pain. Her nan sent her to school around 11am and I haven’t had any phone call of the school since but I am dreading picking her up for the cycle to start again.
I can sense a need on her for undying attention over her troubles, and I am maxed out on what i can give her now without bowing to her demand. I have missed that much work I’m having to work until late each night, I am skipping my evening meal (this has been going on for a month) because bedtimes are that extended with her either complaining, being awful or crying that it’s gone 9.30pm and I’m that drained and anxious that I need to go bed myself. My partner has had to come home earlier from work because be I can’t be in loads of places at once with work, my DD, the house work and looking after myself. My anxiety is so extreme that I am having constant panic attacks in the evening, I am not coping with this and I’m on a constant state of worry which I feel she is deliberately making worse for me by playing on how much bother she is actually in. It is bad enough having a child in pain but her behaviour on top of that is now sending me over the edge.
advice please I am going out of my mind.