Preteens
Yr6 daughter friendship issues
ArtStudent · 03/11/2022 23:06
I do believe it is common around this age to have friendship issues but I fear DD is being manipulated and potentially bullied by her "best friend". I'm wondering how others who have experienced similar have dealt with it.
They've been friends for about a year and it's never sat comfortably with me. Her friend tells her she cannot play with / hang out with anyone else because they are best friends and so they should only play with each other. DD has other friends she'd like to spend time with at break but those friends and the "best friend" don't get on and DD is caught in the middle. The "best friend" has said things to DD like, "you've got one more chance to stick with me and show I'm your friend"
She's been much more emotional the last few weeks and this evening she told me that she was feeling stressed about the situation and wanted to kick things (although she hasn't).
When I've tried to point out in the past that the "best friend" isn't really behaving like a friend, DD responds with either "are you saying I can't be friends with her?" or asking why I don't like or trust the best friend. I don't want to stop DD confiding in me and don't want the friendship to become secretive.
I also feel a bit sorry for the friend as something must have happened for her to bring out this type of behaviour.
Any advice or suggestions for how to help DD please?
MuggleMe · 03/11/2022 23:19
In the past I've asked the teacher to cover it in pshe type lessons, and getting them to have the lunchtime staff keep an eye. Does she sit with bff during class?
I suppose coaching her that it's ok to be friends but not have to be exclusive is important to keep reinforcing. Id be worried about controlling boyfriends in the future if she doesn't learn lessons now.
MuggleMe · 03/11/2022 23:23
My DD possibly has ASD and benefits from chatting through a script.
"I don't stop being your friend if I play with other people. I miss playing with my other friends. I feel like you dont care about my feeling when you say I can't play with others or you'll stop being my friend." Etc
PritiPatelsMaker · 05/11/2022 08:02
I'd definitely talk to her teacher about your concerns @ArtStudent, she might have some insights for you or she may just come up with some suggestions like moving them to separate tables and putting your DD with other children if they have to work in pairs or groups.
You might also find this article on Frenemies from A Mighty Girl helpful.
Let us know how she gets on 
ArtStudent · 06/11/2022 09:07
Thank you for your responses - really helpful article and the talking through a script will be good I think.
They're actually in different classes at school (there's 3 classes in the year) so that gives a bit of respite but it means the teacher probably isn't aware and has little input into the situation. The lunchtime supervisors don't include any of the teaching staff.
There is often a lot of messages and requests to FaceTime between the girls outside of school which feels very intense. DD doesn't have a phone or iPad yet but uses mine when I say she can. Her BF has had her own phone for over a year now. It can mean my phone "pings" a lot but at least I'm aware and I'm aware of what's being said.
This weekend it's been very quiet on that front and I'm quite relieved!
I'll have a proper read of the article and keep the conversation with DD open. She trusts me and talks to me at the moment and I want to keep it that way!
PritiPatelsMaker · 06/11/2022 09:20
It's very good that she does talk to you and I think you're right to try and keep her trust in you.
Hope she finds a way to navigate this. DD had a Frenemy at a younger age and thankfully not as intense.
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