Sleepover etiquette

Borris · 2022-10-28T10:23:00+00:00

My DD, just 12, and in first term of senior school, is having a sleepover with her new friends to celebrate her birthday. 3 girls are coming. I don't allow my DD to have her phone upstairs overnight. Do I make the other girls stick to this rule, or if they tell me that their parents allow this, do I leave them to it? Also regarding going to sleep - how strict are you about stopping chatting. Or if they're quiet do you let them keep chatting until they fall asleep. I want to navigate this in a sensible way, but not be a fun sponge or embarrassing to my dd. Thanks

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/10/2022 11:24

I relaxed this rule during sleepovers … you may find they won’t want to come again otherwise.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/10/2022 11:24

Esp new friends!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 28/10/2022 11:24

You are going to take her phone when having a sleepover? You really cant embarrass her like that!

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 28/10/2022 11:24

Relax rules. Hand over pizza and sweets. Close door.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/10/2022 11:25

Mine could stay chatting as long as they wanted but had to be reasonably quiet after a certain time.

Original poster

Borris · 28/10/2022 11:26

Thanks. No I don't want to embarrass her and am happy to relax the rules. But wanted to check that I wasn't being slack!

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Bobbybobbins · 28/10/2022 11:26

Relax rules but I would be clear to them that using phones sensibly applies eg around pictures, messaging and looking at content online.

Waitingfordecember · 28/10/2022 11:27

I don’t think you should take their phones from them. If I were their parents I’d want them to be able to get in touch with me.

If they’re being overly loud and disturbing others I’d ask them to quieten down, but I wouldn’t try and make them go to sleep… staying up stupidly late giggling is the best part of a sleep over!

Original poster

Borris · 28/10/2022 11:28

It's only me and dd and we have a detached house, so the only person being disturbed will be me.

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windowwhy · 28/10/2022 11:29

Don't take her phone off her, my DSD, just turned 13 has sleepovers almost weekly and texting their friends and sending Snapchat's/making tik tons etc is pretty much all they do.

They also normally got to sleep about 4am, but they're told they need to be quiet once we go to bed. My dsd came home from a sleepover at 10am a few months back having not been to sleep at all yet 😂

MintyIguana · 28/10/2022 11:30

At sleepovers I usually get them to leave their phones on the kitchen counter overnight. It hasn't caused any raised eyebrows so far. If they need to contact parents they can, and parents can contact us in emergency. I'd be completely relaxed about chatting til small hours.

Original poster

Borris · 28/10/2022 11:31

Ok. Thanks for the advice. Glad I checked. I'll remind them of online safety, and then retreat to my bedroom with earplugs 😂

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JunoPicanto · 28/10/2022 11:32

I was quite strict about this with Dd as I was quite worried about what the dc could look up and communications that could happen during the night (while in my care) with a bunch of girls together, so I used to ask them to leave their phones on the landing.... I also used to check with parents about their wishes and explain I don't normally allow phones in bedrooms overnight and all were in agreement.

Original poster

Borris · 28/10/2022 11:34

I don't know any of the parents which I think is part of my concern

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mumnosbest · 28/10/2022 11:38

Definitely relax the rules for sleepovers. I make sure they have nothing planned for the next day then so long as they're fairly quiet, it's up to them when or if they sleep.

I do think you're brave having 3 over for your first one. I reserve more than one for birthdays 😁

PinkPlantCase · 28/10/2022 11:43

JunoPicanto · 28/10/2022 11:32

I was quite strict about this with Dd as I was quite worried about what the dc could look up and communications that could happen during the night (while in my care) with a bunch of girls together, so I used to ask them to leave their phones on the landing.... I also used to check with parents about their wishes and explain I don't normally allow phones in bedrooms overnight and all were in agreement.

I’d probably take this approach but also make sure you have strong parental controls on your WiFi

ItsNotReallyChaos · 28/10/2022 12:18

I like the suggestion of leaving phones on the landing. That way you're not removing the guests' ability to contact their parents if they need/want to but it discourages them from using the phones to do something silly.

I'd explain that the house rule is usually phones to be left downstairs but that you've relaxed it for tonight and they can be left on the landing.

Original poster

Borris · 29/10/2022 21:08

Just reporting back. It went well, I think. The girls were lovely and polite. I reminded them of internet safety and let them keep their phones. They went upstairs at 10 and chatted reasonably quietly until about 1am. Left this morning slightly sleepy but happy. My dd was very happy 😊

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Saltywalruss · 29/10/2022 21:22

MintyIguana · 28/10/2022 11:30

At sleepovers I usually get them to leave their phones on the kitchen counter overnight. It hasn't caused any raised eyebrows so far. If they need to contact parents they can, and parents can contact us in emergency. I'd be completely relaxed about chatting til small hours.

That's what we do as well. Other parents seem to appreciate this too.

nonstoprenovation · 29/10/2022 21:42

Borris · 29/10/2022 21:08

Just reporting back. It went well, I think. The girls were lovely and polite. I reminded them of internet safety and let them keep their phones. They went upstairs at 10 and chatted reasonably quietly until about 1am. Left this morning slightly sleepy but happy. My dd was very happy 😊

Such a great update, glad it went so well