Super long... Sorry
My 12 y/o son doesn't want to go to his dads. This has been going on about a month now. His dad recently started dating this new chick and my son expresses that she is around all the time and he's finding it uncomfortable. He said he does like her its just alot for him and he doesn't understand why he met her and then since then spends everyday with her and her family (when they are in her custody, they are with their dad sometimes).
We have a 2 week and 2 week schedule. The last two weeks he was there he called me everyday to ask if he could come home. I kept telling his dad what he was expressing and to talk to him but he didn't. Then he came back to my care and after a week I finally got it out of him. He told me hes overwhelmed and wants a break from the new relationship just saying he doesn't get why shes there when his dad picks him up and everyday for the 2 weeks. So i again talked to his dad and he tells me well whatever he's old enough to decide. I'm like ok well theres more to it then that like you should try to fix this but he didn't. I heard him on the phone to my son basically saying like I get what the issues is but What am I supposed to do about it?? Basically putting the responsibility on my son to just deal with it or fix it.
Its all weird. When I asked my son about it, he said well dad doesn't seem like he really cares anyway. Im super annoyed and I can tell my son is emotional. His dad called him tonight as he normally goes there tomorrow and said soo are you walking to my place after school and my son said idk. Then after the phone call he was crying saying he doesn't want to go and asking if I had talked to him.. Which I told him I had. So then I said call your dad and explain again. So he did. But he was crying again saying he feels guilty and like he should be going but really doesn't want too. His dad is making no effort to fix it nor has he said he would devote more alone time with my son.
I have tried talking to my ex multiple times to try and get him to fix it but he mainly just blames me. I am not putting things in my sons head, I feel nothing for my ex. And since she came in the picture our lives have gotten more dramatic. My and my ex dont have a good relationship and right iff the bat she was texting me and wanting to be friends and I just kind of told her like lets just be civil and move along.
Since then, there has been a couple things that really bug me like they had him sleeping on the floor at her house more than once so they could have sleepovers, he said she will put him to bed instead of his dad like his dad sits in the living room and this woman is tucking him in, she walked in my house unannounced without knocking and she was interrupting a phone conversation I was trying to have with my son on one occasion (this is in a 2 month period) The final straw for me was her telling my son he is adopted. I basically told my ex after that I was done trying to coparent or talk to him before our court stuff unless necessary.
Currently, I have told my ex maybe a break from him this 2 weeks will be good and we can go from there. Like my son was super emotional and once I kind of told him ok you can stay here this 2 weeks he was back to normal for the most part. My ex has not made an effort at all to plan anything with him. Is this my responsibility to fix? I really think its on my ex but he makes me feel like Im crazy sometimes. I have asked multiple friends/family and most agree his gf has boundary issues and he is not putting our son first. Thoughts??