Intense friendship getting out of hand

[Penjin]

My daughter in y7 is friends with a girl who clearly has mental health issues - mostly anxiety related although I have my suspicions she may well have ASD. This is a very intense friendship mostly driven by this other girl. We have had the girl over to our house on a number of occasions including overnight. She does not speak or communicate with us at all. Frankly it comes across as rude - no thank you etc just grabbing food. Anyway, more recently the girl has decided that scooting to school is "not cool" so she walks. Totally fine - her decision. My daughter and her other friends still scoot as live further away. My daughter not wanting to leave the girl to walk by herself slowed down so they could get to school together - they were then late. Again today the same thing but I'd told my daughter to leave her if it was going to make her late as that isn't on. Friend gets upset but a day later still didn't bring her scooter. Today she tells a teacher and my daughter is called into speak to the teacher and is told her friend is upset and please can my daughter not leave her on her own even though it was pointed out she was late that day. My daughter cannot win - either she will be in trouble for leaving her friend or will be in trouble for being late. Why the school did not say to friend she could scoot is beyond me - almost endorsing the lateness. My daughter spends almost all her time with this friend at school as due to anxiety issues of friend she has been asked to look after her. I don't feel like this is fair at all on my daughter to have this responsibility. She is a kind girl and doesn't want her friend to be upset but equally is getting fed up with how intense it is and gets embarrassed with her friends rudeness. I totally appreciate I shouldn't police my daughters friends but equally feel this is getting unfair and now school are pandering to it as well. What to do?!

Sorry from Scotland so what age is year 7? Are the girls in high school?

I would just normalise to your daughter that it's ok to grow out of friendships, especially ones that are slightly toxic ... this is defo in danger of becoming! She sounds like a nice kid who is trying to be kind but to her own detriment.

As a teacher, I think the school probably see the friend as a difficult pupil who is pretty much being 'handled' by your daughter. It's very unfair on your kid and they shouldn't be doing it to make their lives easier, so I think you could also speak to them if you thought it would be ok with DD.

I'd be concerned about this too OP. I would email the head of Y7 and explain that your DD has been told not to wait for her friend if it will make her late for school. You can't police how much time they spend together at school, but encourage her to invite other girls over. Maybe she could do after school activities to widen her social circle? My teen DD plays netball and it's really good for giving her another set of friendships.

Thanks both. Yeah she does quite a bit out of school and has lot of other friends. Its her kindness that I feel others are taking advantage of including the teachers. I'll try to speak to her form tutor tomorrow and see what they say and perhaps see if she can be moved seats in some classes too if possible. I don't want to appear to be unkind or not understanding of this friend who obviously needs support but equally don't feel that that responsibility lies with my daughter.