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Preteens

Start of secondary school - girls behaviour and how to respond

6 replies

PercyPigs1 · 13/09/2022 09:49

My DD had started Y7. She's in a form away from a group of girls who she didn't get along with in primary (lots of drama/nastiness). We've really encouraged her to have a fresh start and make new friends which she's doing (although slowly as she says she can't find many people she has things in common with) but she sees the other girls on the walk to school or at breaks. Today we've had a call from her outside school in tears as one of them has told her they've all been talking about her etc. We've told her to walk away from them and ignore etc but she perceives this as not on her side . 5 days in and we're back to where we were in Y6!

What do you advise your daughters when there's friendship dramas etc and do you ever reach out to the parents ? I know one or two of them but not well and have discussed things in the past but they're generally difficult conversations and I'm aware there's always two sides to everything. I'm
Not sure interfering helps or makes it worse..DD is an only child so I've not done this before! Any pearls of wisdom appreciated!

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Wayback · 13/09/2022 20:44

I don't think contacting the parents will help. They will minimise. It might make things worse and I don't think it will change their behaviour. Friendships will chop and change throughout the next couple of years. She needs to keep on being open and friendly, join clubs etc and she will meet new people. I've had similar problems with my DD, now year 8. It's up and down but it is for lots of kids. Good luck.

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PaddleBoardingMomma · 13/09/2022 20:47

Does she have hobbies / groups outside of school? I always found that having other groups of friends made school “friends” fall lower down the list of importance, when school is your entire world it can feel like the end of the bloody world when it’s not going as you’d hoped! Drama, dance, sport, horses, swimming, art anything at all really, just some varied places to meet people who are into similar things as she is can really help.

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PercyPigs1 · 15/09/2022 15:35

Thanks for the replies. Yes, a few out of school things but not lots of friends associated with those yet but will keep trying!

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WolfDogs · 05/11/2022 08:19

It’s really hard. I don’t have the answers either but do understand.

My DD headed off to year 7 full of excitement.

About one week in though, her previous best friend dropped her. Really obviously, and went to other girls telling them “X and I don’t really hang out anymore” and then the other girls told her.

They are in the same classes for almost everything (as they asked to be together). DD’s interpretation was “I think it’s because she thinks I’m not cool enough for her”. Knowing the other girl, I think DD is probably right. She doesn’t have a big circle of friends there as they came from a small village school.

So, I know it’s not exactly the same situation but I do know how upsetting it is to see. So much so that I have woken up at night thinking and worrying about it. It seems that girls can be so cruel.

I’ve just signed DD up for panto, which she is keen to do. There will be a mixture of age groups there which I hope will help.I don’t know what else I can sign her up to either.

We spend time together watching girly films etc - but at her age I feel she should be out with friends at the weekends and I know she misses this too, as the group they did have are all attached to the other girl.

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WolfDogs · 05/11/2022 08:20

I also considered speaking the the mum in this situation but thought it would embarrass DD and probably not help. The mum is very materialistic and image orientated and was probably the same as her DD at that age, so don’t think it would make any difference anyway.

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LolaSmiles · 05/11/2022 08:24

If it's usual friendship groups changing and normal finding their feet socially then I'd probably not say anything, but would encourage DD to find her own tribe, help boost her confidence, maybe support her trying some clubs in or out of school.

If you think from what DD says that this is bullying then I would ask to speak to the head of year so they're aware of it. You and them could discuss what you'd like to happen, if anything.

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