Picky eating 12 year old

[Dustinsdart]

Thought my DS(12) would outgrow the picky eating phase most toddlers go through. He hasn’t.

We’re now down to 4 evening meals he will actually eat:

-macaroni cheese
-chicken nuggets/plain chicken with plain pasta
-pizza
-Tesco plain pork sausages with plain pasta & tomato ketchup

He won’t eat veg, rice, or any type of potatoes, even chips. Nor beans/pulses. Nothing in any kind of sauce. He will only eat 1 type of sandwich too. Won’t eat soup, baked beans, noodles.

What the fuck do I cook for evening meals for a family?

He just won’t eat anything I cook!

For years we’ve left him to like it or lump it & he generally leaves tea then complains he is hungry. He is very small & thin.

More recently we cook whichever of his accepted foods is closest to what we are eating. But it feels like all he eats is nuggets. He will soon be sick of them, then what do I do?

What do you normally cook?

I cook all sorts of things!

Spag bol
Chilli con Carne
Roast dinner
Steak & chips
Chicken in various sauces (plain for him) with rice/pasta/potatoes/veg
Fajitas
Stir fry

to name a few. I try to do a lot of home cooked meals, incorporating protein/carb/veg. He won’t eat any of it.

Occasionally it’ll be something out the freezer like chicken kievs/chicken burgers which he will eat.

His acceptable foods are so limited it just makes meal planning & cooking extremely difficult. I am literally out of ideas. He probably eats nuggets with pasta 5 days out of 7. Not great I know but it’s that or he’ll not eat. He won’t eat sandwiches either. Or baked beans or eggs so not even got the fallback option of beans on toast or a sandwich.

At school he eats a ham & cheese panini (a sandwich I know 🙄) or pizza on the 1 day a week they serve it, but won’t entertain a single other thing on the menu

Thankfully he will eat a few select fruits (apple/grapes/blueberries) so when he’s had nothing much for tea at least he has that. Then he’ll want to eat 3 bowls of cereal the next morning to make up for not eating at tea.

I had this this my eldest dc. She's autistic and had sensory issues around food textures. She would go hungry rather than eat food She didn't like and was really skinny. I stopped stressing and served up what she'd eat - took the pressure off. Now age 20 she still won't eat fruit/veg but will eat/try most things.

Now going through it with my youngest.

Thanks @moomoogalicious . You’ve hit the nail on the head - we have our suspicions he may have adhd/autism but is so far undiagnosed. School weren’t particularly supportive when I raised it with them a couple of years ago as he has no issues there. We took a big step today & discussed it with DS for the first time so next step is to go back to the GP & school.

It’s just so difficult to know what to cook. He just won’t try anything, won’t even accept a teeny pea sized taste. It’s like he’s afraid to try new foods.

Like you, I’ve got to a point where I just give him what he likes but DH isn’t so happy to do this & thinks we are pandering to him. Much of the stress & frustration at mealtime comes from clashes between DH & DS.

Another thing I find hard is our DD(7) who has always eaten anything & everything, is seeing DS get special treatment (different food) & then she wants what he’s having too.

My young teen has ASD and her food list is similar. She wasn’t diagnosed until she was older and the food issues were part of the evidence. She will just not eat if we don’t make an acceptable option available. We have tested that theory and seen the resulting weight loss. We struggle to keep her weight up as it is. I’m much more concerned with her developing an eating disorder than I am about the picky eating. Turning food into a battle could have very serious consequences.
So we just make something from the short list for every meal. She doesn’t care. She is perfectly happy to repeat meals.

she understands nutrition, she just can’t make herself eat other things. She compensates by drinking homemade smoothies and taking multivitamins.

her father has similar food issues. He did manage to expand his palate as an adult, though he does still eat from a very small list as well, just not as restricted.

I have a very picky 17 year old DD. She doesn't like sauces or anything with flavour. She loves chicken nuggets, chicken but not on the bone or if she knows it's been on the bone, pasta, chips, cheese, pizza. She does like fruit and veg though. She is a super taster so just can't stand strong flavours. She can't eat kfc type chicken because the coating has pepper in it so is too 'spicy'. It's a nightmare, I have every sympathy for you

I have this nightmare at home too. He's 13 now and refuses to eat pretty much anything, apart from egg on toast, fish fingers and mac'n'cheese. Funny enough, he likes foods which are fancy and expensive. Bring on sushi, bring on lobster... Unfortunately - our budget does not permit much of that

Cook the usual family meal

He eats that or he eats nothing

At first he may choose nothing but eventually as hunger kicks in he will eat what he’s given

This is tried and tested, unfortunately in this age where we have more ability to give choice we sometimes pander to our kids on stuff like this but it does them no good

At first he may choose nothing but eventually as hunger kicks in he will eat what he’s given

How is that supposed to work on someone who has no sense of hunger? I'm still waiting that a growing boy at some point will WANT to eat. So far he can live on two grapes.
I was somewhat like that myself, but grew out by the age of 12.

Following as my DS10 is a picky eater. Won't eat sandwiches,wraps,eggs,beans soup chips,cheese...the list is endless. He will eat spaghetti bolognese,chicken dinner and pepperoni pizza. Lunches are tuc crackers an apple and cereal bar.

He is not skinny and is healthy. I would just love if he at least tried some new food.

I would just love if he at least tried some new food.

Not my place to advice, but what SOMETIMES works with mine is leafing through a cookbook or watching a cookery show. That's how we discovered Nigella...

@TakeawayManAlan I assume your children must be NT because I can categorically tell you, without doubt that DS would rather not eat at all, than eat something not on his list of acceptable foods. I have lived this day in day out for his entire life. He just has no tea then waits til breakfast to eat.

More recently we have allowed him some fruit if he doesn’t eat, so at least he is getting something nutritious, due to concerns about his weight.

Like @Ponderingwindow weight loss is a real risk - DS is at the bottom of the healthy weight range as it is, so really can’t afford to lose much.

Maybe we just need to lighten up & accept things how they are, as if DS does have ASD/ADHD then that will explain a lot. I’ve just been reading up a bit & the advice in that scenario is to feed them what they will eat - which is the complete opposite to the advice given for NT children.

DD has always been like this (including weaning, which was a nightmare - she at least doesn't vomit to clear weird textures now). She's a little younger than your DS, and eats a similar range of food. Finding things for her packed lunch at school has been a challenge. I just give her food she'll eat, DH and I eat a lot more widely. Friends who were picky growing up all say they hated the battles over food, so we've avoided them. She's a healthy weight, so we just live with it. It does make eating out and travelling challenging though.

My DD is like this, shes 11. She will make such a fuss if it's something she don't like and theres always an excuse as to why she won't eat, texture, temperature etc. But lately even acceptable foods she has been picking at and eats everything so slowly. I've never seen anyone take such small nips of food off the fork. I've always wondered if there's some sensory issue because she's the same with clothes, the fit and feel, stuff touching her etc. But am literally at a loss of what to do. She's just started secondary school and I have no way of keeping track of what she is and isn't eating when she's there.
Mac and cheese is her favourite at the moment so I always make that on days where I need to know she's had a good dinner, the days she does sports.

I have no way of keeping track of what she is and isn't eating when she's there.

There is no way. All you can do is make sure they have a decent breakfast.

My 11yo is really fussy too. He's getting better now as I've managed to actually convince him that, in order for your body to function well, you need to fuel it properly. I've made smoothie ice lollies with hidden veg, I use lentil or wholewheat pasta (no hugely noticeable difference), I make my own chicken nuggets which is just diced chicken dipped in egg and coated in almond flour and flaxseed. You could try adding cauliflower to mac and cheese although mine doesn't like the sauce 🙄 I don't hide the fact that there are vegetables in stuff but because he doesn't have to deal with the texture of the vegetables to the same extent, he's not bothered that they're there. Picky eaters are a bloody pain in the arse.

@JJazbayGrapes it does worry me. I'm currently going on the basis that she is probably chucking the food I make, so have bought brunch/cereal type bars to go in her lunchbox aswel. As I know she will eat that and it's better than nothing.

lavendermouse Does she eat any "less-than-healthy" foods? Sausage rolls? Pasties?

@JJazbayGrapes yeah sausage rolls is one she will eat. May just give in and let her take one everyday. Don't want to take over the OP thread but didn't know how to message you back privately.

Back in the 60s, my mom told my brother that if he didn’t eat his meat, she’d rub it on him.
Brother refused to eat his meat.
Mom rubbed it on him.
My mom told my sister if she didn’t drink her milk, she’d pour it on her.
Sis refused to drink her milk.
Mom poured it on her.
Both my siblings were very picky eaters.
I ate everything except lima (butter) beans.
I spent a looong two hour stints at the dinner table with my lima beans on occasion, but I never buckled. My dad threw them away behind Mom’s back, sneaky.
I haven’t had a lima/butter bean since, and I’m alive to tell about it.

I could have written your message OP.
I'm also leaning towards ?sensory issues/ASD, but had little support from GP. dS will sneak food he does like from the cupboards overnight rather than starve (treats, chocolate, snack bars,) . DH not helpful.

DS2 has a limited list of safe foods (autistic). He will starve himself rather than eat something he cannot deal with, and has sensory issues with textures, so some foods make him gag.

Meal times are not a battle any more- we give him what he will eat, and I will make extra of what I can (ie pasta), to give him on the days the rest of us are eating something different, so I’m not cooking two meals every day. a couple of times a week we all have the same meal, so at least some of the time we all eat the same.

by not putting pressure on him to eat things he can’t tolerate, meals are more relaxed, and he has actually started attempting a few different foods.