TikTok

[SerialMover]

I (stupidly) let my Year 6 DD have TikTok on her phone for a short while, but have now removed the app as (quelle surprise) I feel her mental health and attention span has dipped.

Obviously I'm the meanest mum in the world now, but SO many of her peers (10/11 year olds) seem to have it, and children with what I would call 'sensible' parents.

Do you let your child this age have it or not? I can't decide if her peers are usual or unusual?

I hate it but my dd 12 has it. I had to put a limit on it as she would spend ages looking at pointless videos. I struggle with the whole social media thing in general, so much time wasted on lots of random stuff, some of which is so negatively influential. I'm old and grumpy about it though, some parents might not mind it as much

Nope, not a chance. I know I’m not the only one who said no, I doubt you are either. All my DD has is WhatsApp and that was because it’s the only messaging service anyone uses and I wasn’t going to cut her off from making friends in secondary school. But TikTok she can live without.

Meh. DC1, Yr8, isn't allowed it. I think you'll find I am the meanest mum in the world.

My DD is 14. She's had tiktok for about six months (after lots of begging). I had a limit of 1 hour a day, that was the deal when I allowed her to have it. All fine. Until last month when I accidentally left the setting switched off and she watched through the night for TWELVE hours. It's addictive- no way would I allow a y6 to have it. DD has a big group of friends (y9) and only a couple of them are allowed tiktok.

Two children in teens and neither have it, nor will have it, nor have asked for it cos they too know how dire it it (weather that’s from me or not who knows). Police came in to our school to do a talk with children on social media platforms and TikTok was found to be the worst for child exploitation etc. Wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole! Nor do they have Facebook.

*Whether

My DS seems to get around al the parental controls for TikTok - all other apps go into downtime at the time we've set but we keep catching him on TikTok late at night when we've forgotten to take his phone at bedtime. Does anyone know what might be going on?

Have you tried changing your password for the parental controls? My guess would be he knows it and unlocks TikTok.

Will try this - thanks

So I had TikTok for a while . Not to post videos of my own , but just to kill the time . Here's why it's since been deleted ...

1. You can spend hours just scrolling through nonsense videos. It's really a bad way to use your time and very distracting from things that really need done.

1. I experienced a lot of videos that were sexist , racist , homophobic etc. There is also lots of content that makes fun of people with disabilities . I found it very poor taste.

1. It's difficult to filter out things you don't want to see. Anything can come on your screen despite the parental controls etc .

1. Randoms can follow and message you. If you have kids you need to be savvy with these apps.

Tbh I think this app should be for 16+ . So I think u done the right thing

Thank you all, seems like I'm definitely doing the right thing here! I hate it, really wish this wasn't around

My son has recently got the app and he's 14. He does mainly watch annoying football videos & football channels. He is quite a sensible 14.5 year old, although I know that doesn't always make a difference with these things!
I've also only just allowed him to have Snapchat as well, so of course I was the meanest mum in the world for the last 2/3 years when all his friends were allowed every social media going.

Nope! DD is in year 7 and doesnt have it. I downloaded it on my phone and set it to the supposedly safe mode and the first 3 videos that came up were horrible, sweary or sex related. I have sat with her and we have tried to influence the algorythm and there is still stuff i dont want her to see.

Obviously she still does on her friend's phones, but at least it isn't just there on hers all the time.

She looks at Tiktok stuff on YouTube, but again, she has to look for it and I have more of an idea of what she is seeing.

You're doing the right thing OP. My nearly 16 yo daughter isn't allowed tiktok (or Snapchat) either. She had downloaded it in year 9 and I saw some stuff on there that I absolutely did not like. Deleted them from her phone. Then found it on there again about a month later. Told her I'd I found it again the phone would be removed for good. I check often and neither app is on there.

Hell would freeze over.

3 daughters.

Almost 15 year old - has zero social media because I've always been honest with her about the pros and cons but also told her she wasn't old enough when she wad old enough, she could make a decision.
When she turned 13 I said she could happily have Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram etc. She declined as she didn't and still doesn't see the point.
She does however love Etsy and anything crafty =)

10 year old - she's intrigued but I've set the age limit rule already so that is universally accepted in our home. She doesn't ask for access to any social media whatsoever and again, we have open honest and frank discussions about the pros and cons of it. When she turns 13, I'll have the same chat with her.

8 year old - her hobby is teddy collecting. She has no concept of or interest in social media but she is part of all of our debates and conversations.

My point is, you are the parent and regardless what other parents do or don't do, you need to do what is best for your child. When my 10 year old whines about what Jenny's mum let's her do, I tell her that's great but I'm your Mum and this is how I parent you.

I think Tik Tok and such are very, very damaging to young people self worth and mental health. Keep her off it.

Yes my DD has had it since y6. She is now in y9. It’s limited though. Even now it’s a max 1hr per day as I find it’s a time waster (much like MN 🤣)
She is fairly sensible and talks to me about anything she doesn’t like the look of.
She knows not to friend random people but has her settings set to private and this can only be changed via the app on my phone as it’s linked.
I am also signed in on my phone to her main account. She has set up loads of other accounts for different groups of friends or different reasons and has shown me these but to be honest as the moment at least I trust her.
I know her phone password and can check randomly at any time. She never has a problem handing over her phone if I ask.
We have many chats about what might come up in a video and the sorts of people who might be on there.
She loves doing all the dances by herself or with friends etc.
Its Instagram that I’m more worried about - won’t let her have that yet as it’s just pure poison.

Y7, and no to tiktok, Instagram, Snapchat. She does have WhatsApp to message family and some friends. I noticed recently she had been added to a WhatsApp group for her school year (new school year, group started before the beginning of term) and people she hadn't even met yet we're sharing tiktoks about vaping, so it is worth keeping a close eye on what they are sent!

Nope mine doesn't have it - I'll occasionally let her sit and scroll through mine with me - but it's primarily crafting videos we tend to watch. She understands my reasoning why and just has occasional grumbles for the sake of having a grumble basically.

At the moment I allow skype and iMessage/facetime in the family areas of the house - and that was primarily accelerated by the pandemic meaning that keeping in touch with friends was difficult for a time.

Nobody under 18 should even have a smart phone IMHO

Absolutely not. There's a reason why the children of the tech people who work high up in social media aren't allowed to have it.

My son is ten and has asked for it because his friends have it. The girls in particular seem to love it. I’ve said no. My friend works for the police and has told me many worrying stories about child exploitation. I really don’t think it’s safe for children

I had TikTok and even though I hadn’t liked anything dodgy or anything , sex workers, people taking drugs, animal abuse etc etc still regularly turned up on the main feed so their algorithm is shit, it started effecting my mental health tbh.

I've said no to TikTok, but frustratingly, youtube seems to have all the same stuff now with "YouTube shorts" (Facebook with "reels" too, but DC don't have that; same with Instagram). It's so annoying to ban one thing and find the same nonsense on lol other outlets too! Has anyone found a way to hide YouTube shorts? I don't want to ban that as it's good for their hobbies and research stuff.

That's because it's not just about likes. The algorithm monitors anything that you pause on or watch any of. It isn't interested in giving you content that you enjoy, just content that keeps you watching/scrolling. As such, because people would automatically stop on content that surprises or shocks them, it's quite easy to end up having regular negative content on your feed.

Social media, in general, does not give a shit how something affects you, just that you keep scrolling to maximise the chance that your actions will make them more money. It's truly disgusting.

I have a 10 year old and 12 year old and don't allow TikTok or any social media. The 10 year old doesn't have a phone yet. The 12 year old has WhatsApp for making arrangements and can uses Snapchat for the filters to make pictures but not send messages. Eldest is not interested in TikTok and has a group of friends who aren't into it either so it hasn't caused any bother. 10yo mentions it more so it might be harder to navigate with her.