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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Confidence boost for small/slim 12 year old DS

9 replies

AuntieBacterial · 03/07/2022 22:49

My DS (12) has a lovely group of friends that moved up from primary to secondary with him this year. But they have all shot up in height and filled out in the last year - all are 12 years old but now wearing age 14/15 clothes. DS is very slim and according to growth charts is spot on average height for his age. His friends are all towering above him as are some of the other boys in his year. He really looks small compared to them and gets lots of comments about how small he is.

So DS is now really sensitive about his height and frame. He keeps asking me how he can get more muscles and tells me that the boys (not his friendship group) say he is small and weak. It’s totally knocked his confidence.

He loves football and plays to a good level but when I watched him play at school sports day last week I noticed he seemed really withdrawn and his body language just screamed that he had no confidence in himself - all the other boys in the team are much bigger than he is. It was pretty heartbreaking to see him like that. We had a chat on the way home and he told me that he’s too small and weak to compete with the bigger boys and he is scared that he will get hurt as they tend to go in hard on him because he is ‘small’.

I have reassured him that his turn to grow will come, and not to get too hung up on being smaller than the others. I was small and skinny and completely flat chested at the same age and had the exact same experience at school - but I ended up taller and curvier than most of my classmates. But that’s easy to say and clearly doesn’t help him be confident now.

Has anyone else been through this with their DS/DD? Can you offer any suggestions for helping to boost his confidence or strategies for helping him through? I am really worried he is just going to refuse to play sport because he feels too small and that would be such a shame for such a sporty kid.

OP posts:
ihearttc · 04/07/2022 18:32

My DS is 11.5 (he is Y6 though) and is very similar. He plays football to a high standard (Elite level) but is struggling at the moment as the other boys are way way taller than him and much stronger. So far he is managing as he is significantly faster than them but struggles with tackling as he has got the strength or power.

CMOTDibbler · 04/07/2022 18:43

If you have a local rowing club, then he'd make a fantastic cox and they are much in demand. At the club ds is at they do train with the rest of the squad so stay very fit, but being small/slim is exactly what is needed

KarrotKake · 04/07/2022 20:50

This is DS1, but without the high level sport. Lots of his peers look like giants. We are focusing on fit and healthy.

DS2 is a little younger, but also had a big wobble at football recently, as they a shot up, and tackles became a bit rough for him, and their longer legs meant he lost some of his speed advantage, tho that has partially been clawed back now. A year ago he was noticeably the fastest on the pitch. Now he is one of the fast ones. Anyway, that is a very long winded way of saying if he can stick it for a few months, the fierce tackles might calm down a bit.

Both boys here have a 50:50 chance of inheriting pretty short genes (DH is the tallest in his family at 5'8, tho I'm the shortest on my side at 5'7!)

SuzyQ12 · 04/07/2022 21:08

It might help him to know that Messi is 5'7", Jermaine Defoe 5'6", Roberto Carlos 5'5" and Maradona 5'4", for example? He's in good company until he has his growth spurt!

AuntieBacterial · 04/07/2022 21:22

KarrotKake · 04/07/2022 20:50

This is DS1, but without the high level sport. Lots of his peers look like giants. We are focusing on fit and healthy.

DS2 is a little younger, but also had a big wobble at football recently, as they a shot up, and tackles became a bit rough for him, and their longer legs meant he lost some of his speed advantage, tho that has partially been clawed back now. A year ago he was noticeably the fastest on the pitch. Now he is one of the fast ones. Anyway, that is a very long winded way of saying if he can stick it for a few months, the fierce tackles might calm down a bit.

Both boys here have a 50:50 chance of inheriting pretty short genes (DH is the tallest in his family at 5'8, tho I'm the shortest on my side at 5'7!)

Sounds just like my DS.

it’s just so confidence sapping. We are also focusing on being fit and healthy and being a healthy weight for his height. I hope he can hang on in there until his confidence returns

OP posts:
AuntieBacterial · 04/07/2022 21:23

@SuzyQ12 I love that! Will pass that on. Thanks!

OP posts:
AuntieBacterial · 04/07/2022 21:28

CMOTDibbler · 04/07/2022 18:43

If you have a local rowing club, then he'd make a fantastic cox and they are much in demand. At the club ds is at they do train with the rest of the squad so stay very fit, but being small/slim is exactly what is needed

It’s funny, we were talking about rowing the other day as he is going on a rowing course with scouts and is worried he is going to get a lot of stick for not being as strong as the others. But I didn’t think about suggesting he could be the cox. That’s a great idea.

we are both tall so he has pretty good odds of ending up reasonably tall too but he is so impatient to grow. I feel his pain when I see him walking along with his 4 closest friends, all of whom tower above him.

OP posts:
AuntieBacterial · 04/07/2022 21:33

@ihearttc your DS sounds very similar to mine. My son made the best of being smaller but faster for a while. But he’s now at the point where the bigger boys are so much stronger that they are moving faster too. Which makes him withdraw into himself a bit and then they don’t pass to him as much because he looks less confident, so he withdraws a bit more. It’s a vicious circle.

OP posts:
ihearttc · 04/07/2022 22:15

I have a 17 year old who was huge at 11…easily the tallest and biggest on his team so this seems so strange to see him struggling so much.

Im only 4ft 10 though…I really don’t want him to inherit my short genes!!

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