DD has been told she can't walk with them anymore.

[Rainbowshit]

Bit gutted for her. Do I do anything?

4 of them been walking to school together. Just one has said she can't walk with them, but seems to be dominating the others.

I know the mum well. I know the mum would be furious if I told her.

DD just doesn't seem that bothered. Been walking with other girls.

Today one of the original group of 4 ran to catch up with her and said sorry.

It's so hard but minded to not interfere. I tend to think they need to navigate these things themselves. WWYD?

Your dd is handling this really well and deserves some kudos for that. She's removed herself from the mean group and has surrounded herself with other friends, reducing the controlling girl's power. It sounds like the girl who apologised might well be seeing the light and joining your dd's new group soon, too.
Well done to your dd!

It’s much harder when your teens insists on ‘keep trying’ with people who are horrid to them. Your DD has the sense to move on and walk away. The other girls will learn they don’t have to do as the leader tells them, hence the sorry for one girl. They know deep down or was wrong and will learn to voice their opinions and walk away themselves. It appears your girl didn’t create any drama - probably much to the ring leaders disgust! She’ll have to find another victims now!

breathe - she’s doing well .

Teach her the philosophy of Machiavelli ? Keep your friends close and your enemy's closer ?

The girl that was so cruel to my Dd for sport last year is being quietly ostracised by all the girls - people have seen her unkind behaviour to Dd and others - who wants to risk being next?

So by year 8 mean girl only has one sidekick left. So natural justice may well deal with the other girl…

I think if your dd has other friends to walk with then I wouldn’t say anything, as someone else said the best thing she can do is not react and carry on doing her thing (with other friends), the fact she’s perfectly happy with other friends will probably just put the bullies nose out of joint and maybe the other girls will eventually move friendship groups too when they see that your dd is happy without the bully?

If your dd has adapted and found a new set of girls to walk with, then I would congratulate on a situation well handled, and remind her you are there if things change or she needs to speak about it. This is exactly what we strive for, a child that can solve her own problems.

Practicing total indifference will be more beneficial than speaking to the mother and escalating it.
We can't protect our children from every hurt feeling or rejection, it happens to everyone but we can steer them to facing those feelings with solutions and dignity. It is a good life lesson for your dd - dealing with girl groups is really tricky - she passed with flying colours.

Tell your daughter she’s handling it perfectly and that making new friends is by far the best way to show the bully she’s insignificant and hasn’t upset her.

Chances are if you said something to the mother, the girl would make out she’s the victim and it would make things harder for your Dd and at the end of the day what can the mother do.

Be in your daughters corner for sure and support her to be strong but cut her ties with the old group. Teenage years are tricky for all and some girls seem to have a really mean streak. It’s quite possible some of her other friends will do the same because she will need a new focus to pick on.

If I was the parent I’d want to be told and I’d come down like a tonne of bricks. I’d not let my kid walk to school and would instigate prison. I’d drop off and pick up. Tech would be removed. No playdates. No phone. I’d make her regret behaving like that. All privileges would be removed. I would also organise and pay to take the other group of girls out for the day without my daughter. I would not stand for it but that’s just me. I was dealt the same hand as your daughter at the same age and it was awful. I don’t have daughters I have boys and thankfully get none of this nonsense. It’s disgusting girls behave like this and it’s down to the mothers to sort this out if their kid behaves like this. I would recommend going into tiger mode. Out of school clubs with other girls not at the same school. One on one play dates with other girls not in that group.

I think if your daughter has been walking with others that's fine.

If the other girl starts to prevent others walking with your daughter that would obviously be a problem.

Bollocks You so wouldn’t do that. You would destroy your relationship with your own child?

Also not saying it’s the case here but you are only hearing one side. Two friends dds had this exact scenario and both mums told me their child’s side and believe me both were very different! The mums were and still are friends never discussed it and everyone has moved on. By year 9 the girls are so different it’s hard to imagine they were ever friends! All basically nice kids. Year 7 there are lots of friendship shifts.

DD just doesn't seem that bothered. Been walking with other girls

This bit is key. Sounds like your DD is handling it perfectly.

Something similar happened to me in year 10. Someone who I thought was an old friend cut me out completely because I wasn’t cool enough for her. The little bitch.

It was tough, but I came through and by year 12 had a new friendship group. The original girl did come crawling back some years later to apologise, but I was never close to her after that.

Support your DD so she knows it’s not her fault, and help her to rise above it. Sounds she’s making better friends anyway.

This is so common at this age and infuriating. Don't contact the parents.

The most helpful thing for me was having friends outside of school. That meant when the school group was fucking about I had my drama friends and vice versa. Does she do any clubs or activities? I did a musical theatre group and had a great group of (girl and boy) friends through that. Other ideas would be sports, orchestra, Guides/Ventures (can't remember what age they change), rowing, volunteering etc.

The friends Dd made at her dance class got her through last summer the girl at school determined to ostracise her couldn’t get to them…

I would do my best not to interfere (as hard as I know that is!). My motto is that things always happen for a reason so the best outcome here is that your dd will find new friends and probably much nicer friends. She could end up with a new friend for life, just because this other girl was horrible. It also gives the bully less hold over your dd and the best revenge is to be happy.
It takes more courage as a parent to stand back than it does to meddle and please, I say this from experience, not meant in any way to be judgmental.

If your DD isn't bothered, why are you?

Agree your daughter has handled it really well. Focus on that.

I think this happens quite a lot in y7-8 when the kids redefine themselves, find new friends, move on.

its tough and painful but when else are we going to learn who is for us, and who isn’t?

You don’t know the background.
one girl doesn’t want to speak to your dd/doesn’t get on with her. I’m afraid this is ok. I mean I wouldn’t want to teach my dcs that they have to keep smiling and engage with people they don’t like.

Armed with that knowledge, your dd is free to make new friends, ones that will actually appreciate her rather than forcing a friendship that wasn’t meant to be.
The other friends are also free to make their own choices. Keep a friendship with your dd (if she is happy with that), take their distance etc…

I am weary to call that bullying.

We went through something similar. Don't bother talking to the mums. Your daughter did the most sensible thing by keeping away and finding others to walk with. Sounds like the girl's not been treating your daughter very well, for a while now.

It's definitely bullying. Saying DD can no longer walk with the group, and trying to influence the others - that's downright unkind. If the op's DD didn't have another group of girls to walk with, she'd be isolated because of their unkindness. So unnecessary and I'm sure that's not how they would like to be treated.

When I was a child my best friend of many years just stopped speaking to me and found a new best friend. We lived in a very small village and I was devasted.
However, I learnt a valuable life lesson, I moved on gradually and made new friends, I became a lot more socialable, had loads of friends rather than one special friend to the exclusion of all others.
30 years later when I went to another friends big birthday party, my old 'best' friend bounded up to as if nothing had ever happened and wanted to catch up.
Probably petty of me, but I exchanged pleasantries and walked away.

I think that your instinct is right. Sounds like she has found nicer people to hang out with. Friendships will change and often broaden during normal school experience. I would hold fire for the moment.

Children need to learn to navigate these things themselves , unless there is physical violence, of course. Mother would never have dreamed of getting involved in my disputes. Her words would be, find some different friends!!

Kids can be horrible. My DD has had similar. She wasn't told she couldn't walk with them but they would all meet, the other 3 would huddle together, then stop at the park on the way to school so she walked the rest of the way on her own as she didn't want to be late (they were nearly one day and the others blamed DD). They started not waiting for her after school as DD suggested other people could walk with them.
One of the girls seems to be becoming quite nasty and manipulative. DD was getting sick of her attention seeking and trying too hard behaviour so not sure if there was a falling out. It's a shame as her and one of the other girls have always got on so well.
Anyway, just before the holidays she got another girls number, arranged to meet her and has been walking with her instead.
I think the best thing is for your DD to move on and walk with new friends.

It’s horrible this age but I wouldn’t get involved as they tend to navigate their own way through and all comes good in the end. If you get involved then it will probably make things worse and either it’s a forced friendship that feels in the end anyway or they up the anti with it all. I hated this time of my daughters life as I wanted to get involved. I see now that it’s just a natural progression in their lives difficult friendships, in the end they come out knowing who they want to be friends with. It just takes time.