Thumb sucking at 11 - what to do?

[FTstepmum]

Hi, I think I may have posted about this same issue a couple of years ago.

My step son is 11 years old and is still sucking his thumb. Not just in bed, but when he's walking around, in the car, watching a film etc.

He also has a small security blanket that he puts on his head when he's relaxing.

His birth mother abandoned him and his siblings when he was 4 years old, so I imagine this has much to do with it.

He starts secondary school in September and I'm worried he will struggle there. He has no friends at primary school. He says he doesn't suck his thumb there, but I'm not sure he even realises when he's doing it.

Does anyone else have a child who still does this?

What can be done?

Atm we're gently telling him to stop when we see him doing it.

I’m in my thirties and still suck my thumb. It’s never caused me any issues. I don’t “know I’m doing it” when I’m relaxing but I very much doubt I do it at work/parents evenings etc as no one has ever commented.
Leave him be. He’ll stop himself if he wants to.
My parents telling me to take my thumb out of my mouth was very annoying as a child/teen.

It's self soothing, I am a 46 year old that still sucks my thumb when I'm tired, other than causing me to have to wear a brace it's created absolutely no issues for me, are you embarrassed? Does it really matter? Coincidentally my daughters BFF's Mum is also a thumb sucker! Probably more of us around than you think.

Well I sucked my thumb for longer than your step son but I'd still discourage a child of mine if they were like me, so I get where your coming from.

The usual routes of painting stop n grow etc haven't worked I guess?

You might just need to leave it a bit longer. I stopped overnight, when I suddenly felt ready (much to my parents relief) but I still needed orthodontics. Discovered as an adult I'm neurodiverse and I think tbh it was mostly down to that.

I would concentrate on reducing when and where he socks his thumb, if possible. Don't try to change the whole behaviour overnight but look at "retraining" so he no longer does it in a specific situation (like walking around the house for example).

It's a very difficult habit to break and he's still a child relying it for sensory soothing I'm guessing so don't try to change the while habit at once. And don't make it a battle or shame him for it, it won't help.

I'm not embarrassed, but I am concerned that it may cause problems.

I know it shouldn't matter, but I wonder if thumb sucking beyond toddler age is seen to be socialy endearing if a female does it - and socially unacceptable if a male does it?

What I do glean and value from your advice is that he is who he is... I don't want him to feel insecure or resentful.

Thanks all! Xxx

My dd2 sucks her fingers, she has a —manky— blankly. She’s going to be 11 in June,
We’ve broached the subject with her, she doesn’t care. She’ll go Senior school in September and I have a feeling they won’t make an appearance, maybe only at home.
But, she’s bloody happy, so I don’t really care.

Another thumb sucker here. I only do it at home, when I'm asleep (so I'm told) or in the cinema.

I'd definitely discourage it in public for his sake.

We never stop we just get better at doing it when people aren't watching my wonderful grandmother was still thumbsucking at 91.

I'm sure some people do manage to break the habit but I wonder whether just giving him guidance on not doing it out and about from a hygiene perspective might be the least painful for all involved? I used to hate the constant reminders from my parents and it was entirely ineffective.

used to hate the constant reminders from my parents and it was entirely ineffective.

God me too.

By the time I went to secondary school im pretty sure I was only doing it the privacy of home but it took a few more years to stop doing that.

I do think it impacted me socially and recently found some photos of me before I got braces, god my teeth were in a state. I wish for that reason alone I'd broken the habit earlier.

I knew a man in his 20s who still sucked his thumb and held his comfort blanket when he was relaxing and honestly, even though I didn't judge it was very off putting.

I would think that teenage peer pressure is likely to do a lot of the hard work for you, op. Whether he continues in private is up to him, my only concern would be the effect it has on his mouth.

You sound like a lovely (step) mum btw.

I stopped when I was about 11 when I started being teased more and more at school. Years later I realised I must have continued when tired or drunk after mates at uni were delighted to tell me that I suck my thumb whenever I fell asleep at a party etc. no trauma or issues for me in doing it, just loved watching tv and sucking my thumb, simple as

You do sound lovely, I didn't mean to criticise, but as a non thumb sucker it's difficult to explain the comfort it can bring, maybe just go down the line of emphasising where and when it's appropriate to do it.

My DS 16 still does sometimes. I went through a phase of being very stressed by it and tried everything to get him to stop. Probably around the age your DSS is. Nothing worked! It doesn't bother him at all. He's quite 'cool' for want of a better word, so doesn't seem to have had any impact on him socially. I think like pp have said although he doesn't know when he's doing it he is aware enough not to do it in certain situations.

My friend is 53 and still sucks her thumb but only when she's sleeping now.
Hopefully when he is a bit older he will grow out of it when he's awake,
It's his comfort blanket, he may get on better at secondary school and find lots of friends, I preferred it much better. X

Should have added - all trying to get him to give up did was make me and DH stressed and DS fed up with us nagging him. Definitely not helpful in any way.

Lifelong thumb sucker here too. All you can do is encourage him to avoid doing it in public. I suck at home when tired or relaxing, sometimes also a sneaky suck at work if alone in my private office. It helps me think and process. Like others the constant adult reminders annoyed me intensely and tbh only served to make me more determined to do what I wanted to do.

@NightshiftNancy I love that your DGM was still sucking her thumb at 91. I still suck my thumb, it can be when I'm stressed, when I'm concentrating on something or when I feel relaxed. When I was at primary school I was forever being told stories about children who had thumbs that turned to toffee and dissolved away. It made not the slightest difference - I'm sure I remember looking at the teacher thinking "you must think I'm an idiot if I believe that" .

I see a lot of comments from dentists saying that it can cause children to need braces. My dentist never thought that I needed them, but my sister who was not a thumb sucker, did.

I stopped at about 13. It just tailed away.

I stopped about 14. Can't remember why because tbh i loved it. Gave me a lot of comfort.

My parents never ever ever nagged me. Thankfully. They were just happy I was happy. They did say don't do it in public though - which I didn't.

Leave him alone - seriously. It's hard to explain if you've never done it how bloody lovely it is.

I still suck mine. Only in private though. My family all think I've stopped but I haven't (just got fed up of the teasing/nagging). My view is that as habits go it's pretty harmless. Just try and encourage him to only do it at home, or secondary school will be miserable for him.

I have a son that is turning 12 years old. He has a white blanket that he rubs and smells every night while sucking his thumb. His breath smells bad because of his thumb sucking. His blanket smells like saliva. He has Anxiety and ADHD which he struggles to cope with. He always carries his blanket around and sucks his thumb every minute he gets. He cannot fall asleep without sniffing his blanket. He says he does not do it in school but when I was walking in I saw him doing it in front of the class while watching a film. I make sure he does not bring his blanket, which he is okay with. He seems to be really stressed because of school. He feels safe with his blanket over his nose and sniffing it while sucking his thumb. He drags his blanket all over the house, but he is not allowed to bring it out of the house. The blanket is surprisingly not that beat up besides some rips. He calls it “blankey”. What should I do t9 help him stop?