Social relationships and confidence

[MaPandte]

My daughter is 12. She is a genuinely kind and thoughtful young lady who loves to be around friends. She has struggled in big groups because she is quite quiet and can lack confidence at times. This year she started high school and she got off to a bumpy start with one of her 'best' friends being really unkind to her social media. My daughter was amazing in this and it brought out a new level of assertiveness and confidence which was great to see. Fast forward to now though....I feel like she hasn't found that real group of friends. She does have people she hangs about with but I feel like she doesn't really know where she fits in. Now I get that she is only 12 but she has adopted a 'poor me' mentality which is driving me mad. For example, XXXX said this to me and XXXXX said that to me. Now none of the things that are being said are bad, it's just banter however she seems to take everything so personally and shows no resilience. I don't want her to be lonely or isolated and equally I want her to have more confidence in herself. I feel like all im doing on here is ranting my thoughts- sorry! I guess what I'm asking is 1 - how do you build confidence? (We are a very close family and tell her every day how wonderful she is) and secondly, any tips on combating the 'poor me' attitude? Thank you!

Following with interest, because I'm having similar with DS1! ( same age).

"NOBODY likes me!" "What about X, Y and Z? Z invited you to his party, didn't he? (unfortunately, it was his weekend with XP, and XP didn't take him in the end because DS was rude to his DP. I could cheerfully kill XP for that. Could he not have thought of any other punishment? 😡) "Yeah, but I didn't go! And nobody else likes me, nobody wants to hang out with me" etc etc.

Part of the problem is that we live rurally, and he doesn't click with any of the Y7 boys in our village (and God forbid he should hang out with any girls 🙄). He does seem to be getting friendly with a nice bunch of boys at school, but predictably they all seem to live on the other side of the catchment area, and he just doesn't seem to be able to get his head around the steps needed to meet up with these kids outside school- ie, he needs to give my number to them to give to their parents, and vice versa- and realise that any plans need to be okayed with both sets of parental taxi services 🤦‍♀️

I had to double take there, as I could have written this, verbal bullying and exclusions rather than social media though. It is so hard, and heartbreaking.
I have been encouraging calling out any mean comments, which has worked a bit. At least others in the group now notice and sometimes back DD up.
Telling her to go to/spend time with the ones who are nice to her and/or make her feel good.
Really encouraging her existing extra curricular activities, where she does feel liked and confident.
I've spoken to the school about how she is feeling so they are on alert. They have also spoken to her about it so she knows she can confide if needed.
I'm hoping all of these little things will support her through this tricky time until she does find her tribe. She had a lovely small group at Primary but unfortunately they've all gone to different high schools. Part of me thinks it's a learning experience to be in a social situation where you don't fit in, in order to develop skills and appreciate when you do find the right people. I grew up confident and surrounded by people 'like me' then found myself utterly lost when I went to uni.