12 year old behaviour, what’s normal?

[Iggly]

I’m really struggling with DS at the moment and I worry I’m damaging my relationship with him and destroying his confidence.

I find his behaviour incredibly frustrating. He doesn’t seem to listen, he makes the same mistakes over and over again, he can get distracted easily. And obsessed with technology (the latter is standard I know).

For example, he is told countless times to stop throwing balls inside the house when other people are nearby (unless playing a game with them). Today he’s chucking a ball against the wall, while I’m in the room. I tell him to stop, he throws it and it hits me in the face. He’s done this before so many times and doesn’t seem to learn to stop!

In the mornings for school, he won’t get ready without being constantly harangued and ends up leaving the house with his laces trailing as he’s rushed at the last minute.

He will lie about brushing his teeth, to the extent of wetting the brush and hiding in the bathroom so he has to be sent back in.

He will fiddle and break other peoples stuff. He’s done it countless times despite being told to be careful. Eg broken DD’s creations, cut marks in his bedroom wall, used his electric toothbrush to makes holes.

I’m at my wits end with him and my frustration with him shows. He gets upset that gets told off daily and I don’t even know what’s normal anymore. I let so much stuff go, but there’s just so much to be cross about, I can’t go a day without getting angry and upset inside.

Can anyone help me - what is normal?! I have my suspicions he may have ADHD but despite pursuing some help during primary school, it fell through with covid and I don’t know how to approach his secondary school about it.

[greendiva]

Hi, just came on to say, sounds frustrating but not particularly abnormal, I suppose depends on frequency of incidents, and extremes, is the ball throwing and hitting someone several times a day for example or once every few months? That kinda of thing.

[Iggly]

@greendiva

Hi, just came on to say, sounds frustrating but not particularly abnormal, I suppose depends on frequency of incidents, and extremes, is the ball throwing and hitting someone several times a day for example or once every few months? That kinda of thing.

It’s probably every week or so. It’s just we tell him not to throw stuff when people are around for this sort of reason and bingo he does it again.

He can remember to do some stuff but it usually comes after a big telling off (after weeks and weeks of being told calmly). Eg he now cleans up the shower after him for example.

I’m worried because he seems to distraught after being told off - like he doesn’t notice that his actions could have been stopped and not resulted in an accident. Does he genuinely not realise?!

[PlanDeRaccordement]

Since you suspect ADHD, push for an assessment. It is one of easiest conditions to help with medication.