anyone else's 11 dd being revolting?!

[lu9months]

eg answering back, bad attitude, arguing, acting entitled. what are your best ways of coping/dealing with it? i take screen time away but im not sure it makes much difference. i try and be patient/empathise/spend quality time but its hard !

Happy I find this topic. I just can't cope with my 12 years old dd. Language she use when she talks to me and abuse is horrible. I don't know how to cope anymore.

How are you all getting on with your hormonal daughters? I feel your pain, it's relentless. Drains the joy out of everything and demands so much. I'm wondering what age they become normal and nice again!

I posted earlier about my preteen SD she's now 10 and it's getting worse.
I've now caught her lying to her dad's partner who he's been with since she was a baby. She lied so she could get her own way. Luckily I heard and explained by doing what she did could cause big arguments between adults. I feel sometimes she tries to play me and her DM off each other.
The attitude has got worse, so have the meltdowns over trivial things eg hair doesn't go right, gets told off for bad behaviour, outfit isn't right, doesn't get enough attention.
How do others manage this behaviour?

Not sure if anyone is still reading this thread but our DD (11) was SO awful on Sunday that we called the police. She was physically assaulting us, damaging property and threatening more. The police came and spoke to her. Her actions were recorded as common assault and the fact of their visit will be passed on to the school. Ever since they left, we have been in turmoil wondering if we went too far. It's not how I imagined this life stage.

That must be so hard and yes not the family fairy tale we all hope for. I have no advice as such other than I am in a similar position, although no violence but very angry, hormonal and generally rude. Its hard to admit that you dont enjoy their company and dread the night or weekend ahead.
I think there is so much pressure at that age (SATS, social media, friendships, puberty). Does the school have a counsellor? Do you know if its anything specific which triggers the behaviour?

I think this is where you draw a very firm line in the sand. To quote a tv show "I am your main care giver and I get the very worst of you"

I think you should point out that there is no way they behave this way in front of their friends otherwise they wouldn't have friends for very much longer. There is also no way they behave this way for their teachers otherwise you would have had phone calls from school. Therefore, why do they think it is okay to behave this way to their parents? They are basically tall toddlers, throwing tantrums, slamming doors. I didn't pander to my toddler and I am not going to pander to temper tantrums.

And no, I don't believe that calling the police is too far. They are above the age of criminal responsibility at 10. They know right from wrong and they need to find a way to manage their emotions. They can be angry but not lash out. Point out that (hopefully) you nor your Dh/Dp scream in each other's faces, adults should be able to talk to each other without one of you leaving the room and slamming doors. They are transitioning to adults so this is how they are expected to behave.

And yes, I do have teenagers, much older than the preteens in this thread but I did lay down the rules about speaking to me, or Dh in a civil tone. We had family meetings where people got to air their grievances, gave them the responsibility of solving their issues with us. Sometimes admitted that we needed time to think about a later curfew or money etc. We are very close as a family even with one child at university.

I'm at my wits' end tonight, DD is crying and making such a fuss because we told her she has to have a shower tonight so she can wash her hair. It was supposed to be done last night and I had to use dry shampoo this morning but it would look really greasy by tomorrow. She loves baths but makes so much fuss when we ask her to have a shower so she can wash her hair. She used to love showers and still does when she's in the right mood. We even told her she could get up early and have one in the morning if she's too tired tonight but that's no good either. My grandmother passed away 2 days ago and I'm not in the mood for this fight 😞 She's lying on the couch on her phone with her hood up, looking sullen right now.

I struggle with their logic when they refuse, kick up a fuss and rant on about things which are essential such as cleaning, putting shoes on etc. That's time wasted when they could be doing something nice.

I'm on my second dd and my eldest was a bit of a mare.
My 11 Yr old.is OK so far but I just wanted to share a book that I found really helpful.
It's the Lorraine candy one called "mum, what's wrong with you?' Or something.
I got it free on audible and found it really relevant and helpful.

Sorry to read about everyone else's struggles too. My main concern is for DD2 who is 6 and is seeing/hearing things no 6 year old should see/hear. I worry specifically that she thinks we are 'fighting' with DD1 when we try to restrain her (from hitting us or damaging property). DD1 is now full of remorse but after the things she said to me (name calling, wishing me dead etc) I'm really struggling to show her the love she must need. This is so hard and I imagine all our friends' families in some sort of constant bliss which is unlikely, I appreciate, but it seems equally unlikely that they are experiencing anything similar.

I've just downloaded a sample. It is speaking to me! Thank you.

Can I. Join? Really struggling with dd 11. A lot of what is described here, rudeness, sarcasm, increasingly narrow window of things she'll wear / eat / do (not fashion related though. She hates tiktok ec, thinks its stupid) but doesn't quite have the courage to beat her own drum in front of the 'cool girls' at school. Also a sp and just hating every day right now. DS is 12, has his own issues, including the stealing too many treats thing but he's somehow more straightforward. If i get angry with dd she almost gaslights me into backing off, apologising she's not perfect or the dd I want but it feels manipulative.

What about the Mrs brown, method of, that's nice ?

I have just spent the afternoon with DP’s family. His precocious 10 year old niece spent the whole time with a face like a smacked arse, and every time her mum spoke to her, there was eye-rolling of epic proportions.

She then started showing off her sporting prowess and threw a hissy fit when nobody paid any attention apart from her GP.

I am never going to complain about my boys ever again.

After our shaky start to May 👮‍♀️, things have calmed down here. It seems the worst outburst to date as described below was triggered by DD's BF telling her (via a 3rd party 😬) that she no longer liked her and did not want to be her friend anymore. After 6 years. It sounds awful but it was a bit of a relief to know that 'something' caused it. Sad as DD is about the situation, her behaviour has calmed down.

The point of the post was really to say it's not necessarily all downhill!

I have a 10 year old who fits most of these descriptions. Why is this all starting so early?

I think that most y6 kids get a phone now which gives them access to tiktok ec if parents allow it and even if they don't, they'll get it via their friends etc. My dd is miserable now that 2/3 of her peers only talkabout memes and make up and tiktok and make her feel like a baby for not being into it. She doesn't want it, just wishes she wasn't left out

God yes! My DSD10 is excatly the same. She is so good at being manipulative too. She plays the victim well when pulled up on her bad behaviour/how rude she's being. Crocodile tears normally follow. Luckily my DP has wised up to the pattern now and doesn't give her the attention when she behaves this way

I’m so glad to read this. Had a horrid day with DD yesterday, brought me to tears several times with her rudeness and attitude. How can they be so awful.